I hate fasting: help for my kids!

Amital

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 11:40 am

I didn't grow up fasting, and I do not fast well. AT ALL. In fact, I generally start throwing up in the afternoon about 1 or 2 on Yom Kippur, and always feel sick for a day or two after fasting. Yuck. I'm taking care of my heter and circumstances with my Rav, but...

I know fasting is important, and daven it will be easy for my kids to do. They are small now, but I'm worried about the example I set. I usually have a heter not to fast on minor days, but I dread the fasts I do have to do and spend them in bed. I am very grumpy and generally not pleasant during the fast itself. And like I said, I dread the upcoming ones.

BH my husband fasts easily, and he generally takes the kids when needed. However, I just don't know how to teach them about fasting in a positive way! I don't want them dreading fasts, and I want them to focus on the right things and to accept fasting as just another thing we do. I would appreciate thoughts.

I debated amother, but I'm trying to step out there a little, and I'm trying to not be embarressed with this. (So here goes)

Amital

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 11:54 am

Thanks Nicole. I've got that part covered. Smile

I'm talking more in general--the subject is coming up now because of the fast tomorrow, but how does a person present a positive concept of fasting as a mitzvah in practice? I want my kids to have it better, and I think that part of that's mental!

red sea

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 12:01 pm

There are things that help pple fast easier, so its not as bad as u describe. I used to fast real bad like u and have found a few things that help and make a world of a dif.

Twizzlers

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 12:11 pm

I am in the same boat as you...although bh no throwing up (just lying in bed turning green) and I have NOT been given a heter not to fast. (unless preg or nursing of course)

but I dont see why your not feeling well on a fast day has to give a negative connotation to the importance of the day. obviously, no one is going to enjoy starving for a whole day, but all children learn in yeshiva about the fast day..e.g. why we fast, why its a sad day or whatever...the fact that some dont feel well when they fast is just a side issue, and I dont think there is reason to assume they will have the same reaction as you; unless of course u moan and groan a whole week in advance about how tough its going to be and u dont know how you'll manage, etc.

Amital

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 12:28 pm

I have medical issues with my blood sugar and have spent the last 4 years pregnant or nursing, but I follow what I've been told by my Rav and do what I need to depending on the situation I'm in for that particular fast.

I do not moan and groan, especially not to my children, and I try to discuss fasting neutrally or positively, as yet another thing we Jews do. But since I spend all day in bed, and my kids are small, so they want me a lot, so that day is hard on them. I am sometimes allowed to eat when they know it's a fast day and their father is fasting, which is confusing. I'm also pretty weak the day after I actually fast. My oldest son is 3 (not in "real" education yet), but he's asked "Why do you get so sick?" and other questions, which I've tried to turn into a positive discussion.

But I hate fasting, and I do dread it (privately Smile

), so this is tough for me to do and be genuine with. And kids can see through things a mile away...

Twizzlers

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 12:38 pm

does he always ask you why u get sick (whenever u do?) or has he tracked it to only getting sick on fast days?

btw, I'm open to hearing other suggestions too. my ds is only 18 months old and I usually toss him in the crib with a bunch of toys if I cant handle it on a taanis...but that wont last forever Confused

Amital

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 12:52 pm

To be honest, I don't spend any days in bed except fasts--and one time, the flu. But I have that Mommy mentality, where I have to get up and run things, and BH it's never been so bad that I am really uncomfortable getting up and going--except when I fast. So it's unusual. And I usually spend almost all day with him, so he notices.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure dh tells them I'm not feeling well when I'm fasting since there has to be some reason they can't come jump on me or I can't come play! Maybe we should change that? But what else would we tell them? And why is it bad to discuss the difficulty of the fast?
Confused

Any help?