Writing about a person who might recognize herself

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amother

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:01 am

I have had multiple stories published in the Jewish magazines.

I don't work for any of them, but I have sent in submissions which have been published, in several places.

My stories are always true and I use actual names. (Obviously with permission). In a few stories, where necessary, I changed minor details such as names and places.

I recently wrote a story which I feel has an important message and I want to send it into one of the magazines because of a different article that was recently published there. In other words, I want to send it to that magazine specifically because it spoke about the same topic of my story, just from a different angle.

The problem is that the story is a sensitive story that, and is about a certain person who probably reads that magazine. I can change names and other details but I worry that she might recognize it anyway.

I can send it to another magazine, but I don't know if she doesn't read the other magazine.

Part of me thinks that all my caution is exaggerated. But I don't know if I should take a chance.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, and if yes, how do you deal with it. Have you ever read a story and recognized the people involved despite the changes?

trixx

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:02 am

Is there a reason you cant ask this person?

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:03 am

Are you saying that in this case you wouldn't ask her permission?

amother

Wheat

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:04 am

Is it your story to tell?

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:04 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have had multiple stories published in the Jewish magazines.

I don't work for any of them, but I have sent in submissions which have been published, in several places.

My stories are always true and I use actual names. (Obvuously with permission). In a few stories, where necessary, I changed minor details such as names and places.

I recently wrote a story which I feel has an important message and I want to send it into one of the magazines because of a different article that was recently published there. In other words, I want to send it to that magazine specifically because it spoke about the same topic of my story, just from a different angle.

The problem is that the story is a sensitive story that, and is about a certain person who probably reads that magazine. I can change names and other details but I worry that she might recognize it anyway.

I can send it to another magazine, but I don't know if she doesn't read the other magazine.

Part of me thinks that all my caution is exaggerated. But I don't know if I should take a chance.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, and if yes, how do you deal.with it. Have you ever read a story and recognized the people involved despite the changes?

Yes I have recognized who a story or two was about in the past.
I don’t think it’s fair to write someone’s story without their permission. And if aren’t asking because you are afraid she won’t be ok with you publishing it then it obviously means that you shouldn’t.

southernbubby

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:04 am

I know of a family feud caused by that exact scenario.

MrsDash

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:05 am

Happened to me. They changed names and other bits of detail, but I recognized right away that it was about my life. Wasn't upset at the person at the time. More weirded out than anything else.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:06 am

Don’t do it. You can write a fiction story with that same idea though.

amother

Plum

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:10 am

Someone reached out to me and asked if they could publicize my story anonymously at that point in my life I wasn't ready, my story is pretty unique. So anyone that knows me would you recognize the story not only me. I would have been extremely upset and heartbroken if you would publicize my story without my permission. It's not yours to tell

allthingsblue

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:27 am

If someone did that to me without asking permission I'd feel betrayed.

MrsDash

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 10:32 am

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

Don’t do it. You can write a fiction story with that same idea though.

The story written about me mentioned that it was a mere Fictional tale. Can't Believe It

amother

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 12:25 pm

Ok. The story is about me. It's not someone else's story. So I would be writing my own story.
But it also mentions another person, and my interaction with her. And no, I cannot ask this person.
Also the story happened many years ago.

EtA. I realize that in my OP I made it sound like ot was all about the other person. It wasn't. It was about me and my interaction with the other person and how it affected me.

MrsDash

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 12:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's your story, go for it!

southernbubby

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 12:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's going to cause a war.
Some of these magazines change enough of the details so that the story is not recognizable. A man who got duped in a shidduch might be changed to a woman and other details will also be changed so that the message is clear but who it happened to isn't.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 2:24 pm

What's the harm in calling the person and asking her? I would be ok with such a call.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:45 pm

MrsDash wrote:

The story written about me mentioned that it was a mere Fictional tale. Can't Believe It

How are you so sure it was about you?

MrsDash

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:46 pm

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

How are you so sure it was about you?

The plotline was super unique.

amother

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:51 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

What's the harm in calling the person and asking her? I would be ok with such a call.

The story is a sad one and might bring her pain.

southernbubby

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 4:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The story is a sad one and might bring her pain.

While you are entitled to write your own biography, you have to avoid causing pain to someone else so that part of the story must be obscured enough that it's not identifiable.
If someone would cause me pain and embarrassment, I would probably take the magazine to a Din Torah.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Jun 02 2021, 5:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The story is a sad one and might bring her pain.

Then you should skip it. Even if you change the details, if you know she reads the magazines and would recognize your (pen?) name as the author, it will remind her of the story and imo is not the mentshlich or kind thing to do.

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