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Identitiy crisis, what am I? -poll added
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Poll

Which school do you think would be better for my kids
Frum community school (still right wing)  
 82%  [ 34 ]
More Right wing Insular school (not chassidish)  
 17%  [ 7 ]
Total Votes : 41


amother




Red
 

Post Fri, Jun 04 2021, 5:04 pm
List and prioritize the issues.
no school is perfect
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post Sat, Jun 05 2021, 11:59 am
amother [ Green ] wrote:
Like someone said above, which shade of nail polish you can wear. Other examples of things that aren’t assur but are culturally unacceptable:
Wearing a tie dyed dress, going biking, reading secular books, wearing your wig in a braid, decorating your house by hanging vintage maps and newspapers clippings on the wall...

Even if you say you don’t care about some of these things now, I also thought I didn’t, but years down the road I became nostalgic for my childhood and did want to share The Hobbit with my kids and do things I (and my mom) thought I would be ok without. In a more open minded community you have choices—you can choose not to let them listen to secular music now, and if anything changes you can make a new choice without uprooting your life.


This exactly. Some BTs become very RW for various reasons. Maybe they think that if yiddishkeit is good, then more extreme yiddishkeit is better. Or maybe they want to move as far away from their previous lifestyle as possible.

It can take years for them to settle down and realize that they may have thrown the baby out with the bathwater. That not everything in their previous secular life was worth throwing out. That some things were perhaps worth cherishing. Or that some of those things are a crucial part of their identity, and that without them they feel empty or lost.

One example - OP, you keep saying that you keep your distance from your family, that you limit meetings to once a month because they are a secular influence. But maybe in five years you will regret that choice. You might realize that distancing your kids from grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins was a very heavy price to pay.

I think it's very important to be in a community and a school that allows you to change your mind about these issues. Every so often you have a thread here from a BT who realizes that they went too far, and now can't make changes in their life without uprooting their kids from their school and friends. That's a horrible dilemma to be in, when you have to weigh your basic freedom against your kids' stability and happiness.
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naomi2




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jun 05 2021, 7:21 pm
Look at the older kids in the neighborhood who go to each school and choose the one you want your kids ( kids friends) to look like.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Jun 05 2021, 8:16 pm
naomi2 wrote:
Look at the older kids in the neighborhood who go to each school and choose the one you want your kids ( kids friends) to look like.


This is the main reason I consider the more right wing insular school. I see these kids and they look in line with what we strive for. The kids are frum on their own free will, and serve hashem the best they can. I look at kids from the community school and it is like some keep the mitzvot because they “have” to or they get away with what they can.

Could be other factors at play other than the school.

And I know the insular school will kick a kid out if they are risky (the only case I know of is from a more modern family and the kid may have had deeper issues). I dont know how they decide but I wouldnt want this to be us, (who likes rejection anyway). I would meet with the school and be open about who we are and hope that would be sufficient to avoid such things from happening.
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jun 05 2021, 10:45 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This is the main reason I consider the more right wing insular school. I see these kids and they look in line with what we strive for. The kids are frum on their own free will, and serve hashem the best they can. I look at kids from the community school and it is like some keep the mitzvot because they “have” to or they get away with what they can.

Could be other factors at play other than the school.

And I know the insular school will kick a kid out if they are risky (the only case I know of is from a more modern family and the kid may have had deeper issues). I dont know how they decide but I wouldnt want this to be us, (who likes rejection anyway). I would meet with the school and be open about who we are and hope that would be sufficient to avoid such things from happening.


Warning warning
DANGER DANGER

if you tell the school this , they probably won’t take you
If they you possibly the school is not as shtark as you think they are
Do your due diligence carefully
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 07 2021, 6:23 am
naturalmom5 wrote:
Warning warning
DANGER DANGER

if you tell the school this , they probably won’t take you
If they you possibly the school is not as shtark as you think they are
Do your due diligence carefully


Why is it bad to want a school because the student body is good?

Also another reason is because kids in the community school are exposed to stuff on the internet while the insular school most kids do not use the internet. Would this also be a bad reason.
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Goldie613




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:31 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:


Also another reason is because kids in the community school are exposed to stuff on the internet while the insular school most kids do not use the internet. Would this also be a bad reason.


I would say this part is something you need to think carefully about. Some schools want no internet for the kids, some want only filtered phones, others don't want internet in the house at all. Other school are fine with it, or may even give homework assignments where the internet is needed.

If you feel strongly about its use, keep this in mind.

My take is, when kids are little I'd definitely want them to be supervised, either by a good filter or (much more preferably) by the computer being in the main part of the house so any family member passing by can see what they are up to. Not because I am so worried about filth, especially with little kids, but because there are a lot of creepy people out there in the world.

I do understand that different parents may have different views, and some may be thrilled not to have the internet in use at home. On the other hand, I need the internet for work, paperwork, keeping up with family needs, etc. I wouldn't want to have my kids in a school where this would cause me problems.

Short version - think about if the school's internet policy matters to you, and if so, add this to your research list.
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