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Real diamond vs lab grown re: for kallah
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:16 am
My son just became a chosson.
We went looking for a diamond and the dealer showed us lab grown diamond.
I know what the difference is but my question is, is it ok to give a lab grown?
We are on a very tight budget.
Is it accepted in the litvish world?
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:19 am
You need to give what you can give. But do not lie about it because she will find out when she goes to have it insured.
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amother




Outerspace
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:19 am
Very much OK. You dont need to tell anyone. the diamond itself is usually impossible to tell if its a CZ or not
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amother




DarkViolet
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:24 am
It would be great if that became the standard. Is she the type to care? Maybe show her the size stone you can afford in both so she can see how much more she will get for the same money. I would definitely let her know in case she gets it appraised somewhere down the line.
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scruffy




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:28 am
Litvish and recently married- I would not have cared at all.

Agree with other posters about being up front though.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:31 am
Thank you

My son knows about it.
My question is I did hear that you need to be careful about it getting near heat. Is that a problem?
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Lovable




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you

My son knows about it.
My question is I did hear that you need to be careful about it getting near heat. Is that a problem?

I hear that this is a myth, but honestly dont know. If you feel comfortable giving her lab grown, please let the kallah know that it is. Even if she wont care, finding out later is not fair
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:41 am
I don’t think you can do it to save money. Find out how much is the normal amount to spend in your circles and get something with that budget. Maybe a nicer lab grown diamond. Personally my diamond has an obvious flaw. My mil tells whoever will listen that she got the biggest diamond for her budget. Well I’d personally prefer a nicer diamond.
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amother




Outerspace
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:43 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
I don’t think you can do it to save money. Find out how much is the normal amount to spend in your circles and get something with that budget. Maybe a nicer lab grown diamond. Personally my diamond has an obvious flaw. My mil tells whoever will listen that she got the biggest diamond for her budget. Well I’d personally prefer a nicer diamond.

just pointing out that a lab grown diamond doesn't necessarily have a flaw
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:47 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
I don’t think you can do it to save money. Find out how much is the normal amount to spend in your circles and get something with that budget. Maybe a nicer lab grown diamond. Personally my diamond has an obvious flaw. My mil tells whoever will listen that she got the biggest diamond for her budget. Well I’d personally prefer a nicer diamond.

Of course she can do it to save money.

This is part of the issue - what my neighbor can spend has nothing to do with what I can spend. Why should there be a "normal amount to spend in your circles"? Where I live thats not a thing BH; kallahs get what they get. But your post seems to contradict itself at the end. She got the biggest in HER budget. Or, did her budget = community budget?
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:48 am
amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:
just pointing out that a lab grown diamond doesn't necessarily have a flaw

It's less likely to have one.
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amother




Midnight
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:49 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
I don’t think you can do it to save money. Find out how much is the normal amount to spend in your circles and get something with that budget. Maybe a nicer lab grown diamond. Personally my diamond has an obvious flaw. My mil tells whoever will listen that she got the biggest diamond for her budget. Well I’d personally prefer a nicer diamond.


So what your saying is that OPS "circles" should decide her budget?
Darling that's not how working within a budget works.

OP, just make sure the Kallah knows.
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amother




Raspberry
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:54 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
I don’t think you can do it to save money. Find out how much is the normal amount to spend in your circles and get something with that budget. Maybe a nicer lab grown diamond. Personally my diamond has an obvious flaw. My mil tells whoever will listen that she got the biggest diamond for her budget. Well I’d personally prefer a nicer diamond.


Same here. I would have preferred something smaller and not flawed. But I wouldn't have minded something cheaper if it wasn't noticeable.
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amother




Crimson
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:55 am
can anyone explain the difference, I keep seeing lab grown diamonds advertised and trying to understand what it is.
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Amelia Bedelia




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:00 pm
amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:
Very much OK. You dont need to tell anyone. the diamond itself is usually impossible to tell if its a CZ or not

A lab grown diamond is not a CZ. It's a genuine diamond that was created in a lab
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amother




Cinnamon
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:09 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
I don’t think you can do it to save money. Find out how much is the normal amount to spend in your circles and get something with that budget. Maybe a nicer lab grown diamond. Personally my diamond has an obvious flaw. My mil tells whoever will listen that she got the biggest diamond for her budget. Well I’d personally prefer a nicer diamond.

My first diamond(I got another one since because my rings were solen by a cleaning lady, but that's a different story!)had a flaw.
Clearly noticeable by me but absolutely no-one else!!!
My husband picked it without his parents, I don't even know if he noticed before he bought it.
Why would it bother me? The ring was beautiful and unless you examined it carefully flaw wasn't noticeable. Unless you want to resell it...
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:12 pm
Funny we had this conversation recently, and my 22-year-old DD (who admittedly is not mega into lots of jewelry, though she does have her own distinct taste for certain things) said she would not care if she got a lab-grown diamond (she just needs the guy first.....)

Mazal Tov OP!
The Kallah might be just fine with it.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:32 pm
amother [ Cinnamon ] wrote:
My first diamond(I got another one since because my rings were solen by a cleaning lady, but that's a different story!)had a flaw.
Clearly noticeable by me but absolutely no-one else!!!
My husband picked it without his parents, I don't even know if he noticed before he bought it.
Why would it bother me? The ring was beautiful and unless you examined it carefully flaw wasn't noticeable. Unless you want to resell it...
I can see the flaw on mine right away. It bothers me. I’d rather a lab grown diamond. But to each their own.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:34 pm
amother [ Midnight ] wrote:
So what your saying is that OPS "circles" should decide her budget?
Darling that's not how working within a budget works.

OP, just make sure the Kallah knows.

And if the kallah is upset that her mil is keeping within her budget by cutting back on the ring?

I know how a budget works. There are usually multiple ways to cut back. Doesn’t have to be in this area.

Edit: I think you’re misunderstanding what “budget” means in this context. You’re thinking of the monthly or yearly budget. Here budget refers to the amount allotted toward the ring.

So I guess you’re the darling who doesn’t know how a budget works.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:35 pm
amother [ Raspberry ] wrote:
Same here. I would have preferred something smaller and not flawed. But I wouldn't have minded something cheaper if it wasn't noticeable.

Same. But some people would care about the ring’s value more. Different strokes for different folks.
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