Neighbor Banned Her Daughter From Playing in Our Home

thunderstorm

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:48 pm

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

Abuse and foul language

I’ll add to this . A home where there are obvious boyfriend girlfriend situations going on.
A home where parents allow their kids to be hefker and unsupervised. I’m more concerned about physical and emotional safety.

I grew up very sheltered. My neighbor friend had a TV. They knew I couldn’t watch. I knew I couldn’t watch. I closed my eyes when I walked into the room with the TV. If someone from tier home saw I was there they shut the tv until I left. There was a respect of standards on both sides. I wasn’t banned from going to their home .

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:49 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Well neither was I and guess what?!
I watched!

amother

Foxglove

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:49 pm

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

Abuse and foul language

How do you define abuse? And if we use peepee and kaki is that foul language, because we should be saying gdolim ktanim?

amother

Lily

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:51 pm

I moved to a different block and none of the neighbors allow their kids to play at my house. Well, tough on them. I get a quiet house and they get the noise and mess.

amother

Hawthorn

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:52 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Ok. So respect my standards too. My standards are not having my kids exposed to people or homes where they think their yiddishkeit and frumkeit is better than mine.

Again, they don't think their yiddishkeit is better then yours!! Their standards are just different and they think it's better for them! It has nothing to do with you. You need to understand and respect that there's nothing wrong with having different standards. You shouldn't be so immature about it.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:52 pm

amother [ Lily ] wrote:

I moved to a different block and none of the neighbors allow their kids to play at my house. Well, tough on them. I get a quiet house and they get the noise and mess.

Ouch

thunderstorm

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:56 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

They do think their standards are superior to mine or those that don’t fit their mold. They don’t view the other as an equal. I’m not being immature about it. I’m stating the reality. I just think that the world in the last 10 years became so busy with “standards” they forgot about basic bein Adam lachavero and mentchlichkeit.
It’s hard to respect those that use the excuse of “standards” to hurt others. You either get it or you don’t.

amother

Hawthorn

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:58 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I don't feel hurt by people that have different or stricter standards than I do.

thunderstorm

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:03 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

I don't feel hurt by people that have different or stricter standards than I do.

Good . You shouldn’t. The problem is when some people do hurt others all because of their stricter standards.
I have very strict standards for my home too. I don’t go hurting people and breaking friendships over it. There is a sensitive way to go about things in life.

Ellie7

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:04 pm

amother [ Foxglove ] wrote:

Where I live (Israel) 90% of children across the country, including charedim, are exposed to p*rn by third grade(!!). Usually by friends. That's not a risk I'd like to take.

I find this statistic really hard to believe. Do you have a source?

amother

Hawthorn

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:05 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

What do you mean by hurting others? Can you please give me an example? Not allowing their kids to play at your house, doesn't mean hurting others.

naomi2

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:07 pm

You would think that after the cascade of recent tragedies we experienced as a nation, there would be more ahavas yisroel. Stop talking about standards bla bla bla. It's hurtful to other jews plain and simple. Torah and halacha is not black and white. These threads make me feel sick.
Amother Hawthorne, the op is upset and hurt and you can bet her daughter will be hurting even deeper.

thunderstorm

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:12 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

What do you mean by hurting others? Can you please give me an example? Not allowing their kids to play at your house, doesn't mean hurting others.

Yes. It could mean you are hurting the young innocent child when she innocently is told that her home is not good enough to play in.
That is hurtful.
Like the OP said, the mother could have had a conversation with her. Why tell your child and make your child feel like her home is a better place than her friends.
And to judge someone who has a smartphone and still make going to the home on Shabbos an issue because of the atmosphere of the home , is also hurting someone. This woman may have gotten her smartphone for work. She obviously doesn’t use it on Shabbos. Why is the atmosphere of her home any different than yours?
Or those that eat other hechsherim. The kids are playing with toys. Why are the toys or the air affected in the home because your neighbor eats ou and you only eat Weissmandle or Volova?

amother

Diamond

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:12 pm

naomi2 wrote:

Internet is very dangerous to children regardless for the mussar speech you just gave.

amother

Purple

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:13 pm

I am agreeing with thunderstorm here.
If people really respected other people’s different standards, there would be no need to ban their homes. They would simply tell their kids that it’s not what they do in their home and accept that. Banning people’s homes is not respecting differences. It’s saying clearly that those differences are absolutely unacceptable, even if you don’t do it yourself.

amother

Foxglove

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:14 pm

Ellie7 wrote:

I find this statistic really hard to believe. Do you have a source?

Not offhand. It was quoted to us as part of a course I did with the other teachers in my school, a few years ago. The person who said it is an expert in the field and it was part of a semester of classes on child safety in schools and how to deal with zxual assault, p*rn exposure, bullying, etc.

After that I saw it several more times in materials for teachers. But I don't have an exact source to give you, certainly not one online. The Ministry of Education probably has it somewhere.

amother

Hawthorn

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:16 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Sorry, non of this is hurtful. Everyone is entitled to their standards. It's up to you whether to feel hurt about this or not.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:17 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

What do you mean by hurting others? Can you please give me an example? Not allowing their kids to play at your house, doesn't mean hurting others.

Yes, it does. Because someone bought or rented a home in a neighborhood that doesn't welcome them does not mean that their children should become pariahs. It's really hard to just up and move because their "standards" don't align exactly with their neighbors'.....

And I find it ironic that we are so worried that our children will be tainted by the idea that there is internet when there is bona fide abuse of all kind being pushed under the covers.

Besides, how do you know who really has internet and who doesn't? You might be really surprised.... I feel like this is a witch hunt and by the time they're finished, there will be nobody left.

ETA: Super ironic that we're having this conversation on the internet.

Last edited by Mommyg8 on Sun, Jun 20 2021, 7:27 pm; edited 1 time in total