Working Mothers- how do you juggle it all??!!

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 7:58 pm

Hi All,

I'm one of those people who seem like a superwoman to outsiders. I have multiple young children who are very close in age, recently found out that I'm pregnant again (unexpected). I juggle a lot and have a job with high responsibility and good pay. I have lots of cleaning help and as much child care as I can possibly find (mothers helpers, etc). My husband is not home a lot but provides me with whatever help I need.

Despite everything I have going for me, I am really not managing well. I'm finding that even if I have enough help to check off all the boxes and my home is functional, food is served, kids are neat and clean etc.. I can not handle the emotional toll of working such an intense job and then dealing with everything that motherhood requires. I am so wound up from my job that I don't have the patience I need to really focus on my little ones, calmly settle conflicts, patiently deal with multiple daily tantrums, etc etc..

Any tips from mothers who work under intense pressure and then come home to a very needy family? How do you juggle such an intense emotional workload?

I really just want to quit and focus on my family only but that's not really in the running right now. I may be able to cut back somewhat but I wonder if that would even help so long as I have a stressful job.

Any ideas out there? SOS

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:07 pm

amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:

Anti anxiety meds and therapy. I tried many OTC and holistic stress relievers. The "real stuff" is what completely changed my life.

How do you know when your anxiety levels call for medication? I was in therapy for a while a few years ago but not at the moment. I have an anxious nature though and don't do well with high stress.

amother

Denim

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:16 pm

Here’s my take on it:

It’s not so much about physically having the time and physically getting everything done. It’s more about your mental capacity to give. And that’s limited because you’re a person. At a certain point you max out of your mental giving capacity and then something needs to give, so either you will do lesser of a job at work, or you’ll be less emotionally available for your spouse, or you will have less to invest in the upkeep of your home etc OR you have to make a decision of where you want to cut back your physical time invested.

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How do you know when your anxiety levels call for medication? I was in therapy for a while a few years ago but not at the moment. I have an anxious nature though and don't do well with high stress.

For me it was when the stress started to affect me physically. It wasn't even enough when I saw the effects my anxiety was having on my family. I fought starting meds for a long time. Now I am working in therapy to soothe my guilt over not starting sooner. I am on a low dose with minimal side effects but I am a different person.

ETA: I didn't change a thing about my crazy job or anything else. It was just that one thing that made the difference.

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:56 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Thank you! This was very validating.

amother

Acacia

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:59 pm

I don't. Many balls are dropped, you just don't see it. I have my business in my home so it has to look spotless. But I'm currently lying in bed feeling guilty that I had no energy (or supper) for my husband when he came home after an exhausting bedtime. From the outside I look like I have it all together...

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:01 pm

amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:

I'm conflicted about this. If I'm so overwhelmed I wonder if it makes sense to cut back on my expectations from self before trying meds to keep up my current arrangement... but I'll always have the nature I have. Is it just extra important for me to try not to take on so much??

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:03 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

I feel for you. I was snapping at my kids today and asked my husband to come home early so I could step back and take care of myself. It's so challenging.

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Of course it makes sense not to do extra, don't even think of doing that lol. But you're talking about not even being able to handle the basics of your work and home life, and that's even with help. And yes I still have my anxious, perfectionist nature. And yes that make me hugely skeptical about meds, just like you. But I am able to handle life like I never could before. And I was also on the verge of quitting.

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:46 pm

amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:

Is it really a normal expectation to hold down a very stressful job while pregnant with 5th child in 7 years? I'm not sure if that's basic. So confused...

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is it really a normal expectation to hold down a very stressful job while pregnant with 5th child in 7 years? I'm not sure if that's basic. So confused...

I can't answer that. But if you need to work and want to be a calmer mom for your kids then you have to help yourself in some way. You're burning out. And all I can say is that when I felt that same way, and was ready to leave my job despite not being able to afford to leave, I tried many different routes including expensive ones to avoid psychiatric medicine and in the end all my resistance was a sad waste of time and energy.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is it really a normal expectation to hold down a very stressful job while pregnant with 5th child in 7 years? I'm not sure if that's basic. So confused...

No of course not. Pick one either birth control or not being the breadwinner. Of course its not reasonable to have kids back to back and then be pregnant and working... 5 kids in 7 years is exceptionally close for anyone, and definitely for a working mother too much. Kids deserve the best mother they can have.

Shani88

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 10:58 pm

Op I came on here to ask for similar advice. I feel like I really need guidance from other moms who work full time and have little kids who are also PATIENT with their kids. Please please can someone who knows what it’s like to struggle with a highly stressful job plus their own emotional issues help me work on myself to be more calm and patient as a mother when kids are fighting, whining, not listening, making a mess etc? Taking breaks and time off to myself is something I’m actually great at and I try to do it often plus I have a very helpful dh who shares all household responsibilities with me. But all this doesn’t help the in-the-moment stressors that come along with raising young kids. Please help 😩

sara_s

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 11:29 pm

One thing that helps me is the concept that we are juggling balls, and some are going to drop, and that's ok.
So my #1 priority is my family' health and safety, #2 emotional health and wellbeing, #3 keeping my job - not by working above and beyond, rather doing enough to sustainably work, even I'm not doing 100%, but the best I can at this stage in life.
Ball's that drop- the house, meals. I do have help but feel zero guilt if the house is a mess or my kids eat cereal for dinner. I prioritize my own downtime over that.

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 11:38 pm

I quit my job and took a lower paying, less stressful one.
I now think twice before buying myself even basic clothing items, and desperately needed new furniture is out of the question. I will probably be wearing my 10 year old sheitel for another 10 years. And we are behind on our tuition (the stimulus did help a lot with that).
But we have a calm, present mother. Everyone who knows me has commented on the difference.

amother

Lily

Tue, Jun 29 2021, 12:38 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is it really a normal expectation to hold down a very stressful job while pregnant with 5th child in 7 years? I'm not sure if that's basic. So confused...

Neither of those things are basic. You must be superwoman to manage until now.