Anti-Lashon Harah campaigns in the NYT

cassandra

Thu, Mar 27 2008, 9:07 am

Quote:

Weaning Teenagers Off Gossip, for One Hour at a Time

By DAN LEVIN
Published: March 27, 2008
It would seem an odd, perhaps even absurd, announcement to make over a high school’s public address system.

But at 11:15 each morning at the Stella K. Abraham High School for Girls on Long Island, the voice of Emi Renov, a 17-year-old junior, buzzes over the intercom, gently reminding her fellow students to refrain from gossiping for the next 60 minutes.

What was that? Was she kidding? Telling teenagers that they should not talk about other students behind their backs is like telling them not to try to get a driver’s license.

Yet for one hour after Ms. Renov’s announcement, her schoolmates make an honest attempt to avoid mocking one another’s outfits or whispering the latest shocking rumor.

“Sometimes you have a really juicy story that you’re just dying to tell,” said Liron Eiger, a junior at the school, which is in Hewlett Bay Park, in Nassau County, and has 300 students.

The effort at Abraham is part of a national campaign at Jewish high schools to use religious teachings to raise awareness about the power of speech, for good and for ill.

The program, now in its seventh year, is sponsored by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation, a religious group based in Suffern, N.Y.

In the secret lives of high school students, social warfare is often waged with words. Plots are hatched during a quick trip to the lockers, rumors destroy reputations at recess, and friendships crumble at varsity practice. Usually, the deep emotional wounds are invisible to teachers, coaches and parents.

The campaign at the Jewish high schools has incorporated “shmirat halashon,” the Hebrew expression that translates to “guarding speech,” in a faith-based approach to fighting gossip.

According to the Torah, God forbids the sin of gossip, which is known as “lashon hara,” or “evil speech.” In the Talmud, some rabbis viewed the sin of gossip to be as grievous as murder.

A dozen Jewish high schools in the New York area have embraced the anti-gossip program, and more than 300 students have formed social clubs in which they listen to guest lecturers, make posters and study Jewish teachings about speech, including those of Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan, a 19th-century Eastern European ethicist famous for his writings on lashon hara.

High school girls, who often are gossip’s victims as well as its villains, have taken the lead in popularizing the program, which aims to boost self-esteem and religious adherence.

“We can’t expect everyone to just stop gossiping forever, even though we all know the rumors and the fights hurt,” Ms. Renov said. The program is one small way, she added, “to change how we treat each other, and it really motivates us to speak with respect.”

At a recent assembly on the program at Yeshiva University High School for Girls in Queens, more than 200 young women in skirts and long-sleeve shirts gathered in a stuffy auditorium to listen to Rabbi Aryeh Mezei speak about the “butterfly effect,” a theory in physics that he applied to faith. “Just like a butterfly’s wings can cause a tornado, so do your words reverberate in heaven,” he said.

The girls, many of whom had traveled from other Jewish high schools, then discussed Jewish concepts of proper speech. They talked of how it was not always easy to adhere to the anti-gossip program.

“The first time it was really hard not to gossip with my friends,” said Chani Spirn, a student at Abraham High who attended the assembly. “I just sat listening to my iPod for all of recess; I couldn’t talk to anyone.”

School administrators and students at the participating schools acknowledge that breaking the cycle of gossip can be daunting, and they have used a variety of methods to promote a culture of good will.

Posters declaring, “Do the words you say reach their mark or pierce the heart?” hang on classroom walls. At some schools, club members hand out special “protect your lips” lip balm or “keep the contents of your mouth sweet” lollipops to remind students to speak positively.

Educators have long struggled to find ways to help teenagers navigate the harsh years of cliques, rumors and bullying. “The information gleaned from relationships is the most powerful currency girls possess,” said Rachel Simmons, author of the book “Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls.”

“Gossip confers power, coheres friendships and damages reputations,” Ms. Simmons said. “The most painful aspect of gossip is not just what is said about you, but about how people treat you. Whispers and stares can destroy a reputation and self-esteem.”

Educators know that students who feel socially insecure may not succeed academically, Ms. Simmons noted, but she said that programs built around emotional learning are often not taken seriously. “Getting buy-in with these kinds of initiatives from teenagers is the hardest part,” she said.

Helen Spirn, the principal at Abraham, said the anti-gossip program had bred a more harmonious school environment and had helped promote religious devotion. “These kids want to embrace what they learn and integrate it into their own lives,” she said. “By working on ourselves we are enhancing our relationship with God.

Sorry, I didn't realize as I am always logged in.