S/o Crying it out | Imamother

amother

Peach

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 6:51 pm

amother [ Electricblue ] wrote:

I'm pro CIO because it works.

Why is it any better to cry for longer amounts of time, over many more days/weeks, with an adult present vs. crying a shorter amount of time and learning quickly to sleep alone - which is what the poor baby really needs?

MY CIO babies cried for 4 days for 60 min, 0 min, 30 min, 10 min then fell asleep. Total 100 minutes of crying. Slept like angels after.

My non CIO baby (only made that mistake once) cried for 60 min (with me in the room) for 10 nights = 600 minutes of crying.

If the baby cries when mom is there and trying to soothe them, the know and see that they're not alone and mom is soothing them. Leaving a baby to cry alone in the room, doesn't teach them to fall asleep on their own. It forces them to fall asleep on their own because they know mom won't come for them even if they cry.

amother

Ebony

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 7:01 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Honestly, I’ve raised 5 babies ka”h and never heard of CIO until imamother. I can’t imagine myself doing such a thing.

I discovered it by accident. Doc wanted my baby doing more tummy time, I put her down and took a shower. She cried while I was in the shower. By the time I came out, she was asleep. I was amazed. (Disclaimer, I fully know that putting on tummy to sleep is no longer recommended.)

hodeez

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 7:03 pm

amother [ Ebony ] wrote:

I discovered it by accident. Doc wanted my baby doing more tummy time, I put her down and took a shower. She cried while I was in the shower. By the time I came out, she was asleep. I was amazed.

Off topic but my goodness showers with babies at home are so anxiety inducing to me. Like I'll just turn the water on and hear phantom baby cries. Maybe something is wrong with me 😂

amother

Ebony

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 7:07 pm

hodeez wrote:

Off topic but my goodness showers with babies at home are so anxiety inducing to me. Like I'll just turn the water on and hear phantom baby cries. Maybe something is wrong with me 😂

I get that. But also, in my apartment where I was at the time, there were a couple of doors between me and the rest of the house because it was one of those bathrooms that has a separate room for sinks. Combining that with the running shower, the cries are so faded and therefore not painful to hear. Plus, my showers don't take that long so I don't fear a long suffering baby.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 7:08 pm

amother [ Ebony ] wrote:

What you did was very unsafe. Don't plop a baby on her stomach and go shower while baby cries. That's irresponsible.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 7:09 pm

amother [ Ebony ] wrote:

Reading this post, you come across as neglectful.

imorethanamother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 7:15 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Honestly, I’ve raised 5 babies ka”h and never heard of CIO until imamother. I can’t imagine myself doing such a thing.

My pediatrician in his 60s recommended it after he saw what I looked like during a well-baby visit at nine months old. The best pediatricians look after the mommies AND the babies.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 7:17 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

Huh? No, she doesn't. This is a mean thing to say.

How does it not come across as neglectful? She put the baby on the stomach and left the baby to cry while she went to shower in the bathroom that's far from the room where the baby was crying, with several doors between them & the shower running so she couldn't hear the baby cry.

4pom

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 8:03 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

Source?

Obviously I'm quoting from a doctor who does not support CIO. Heres the link.

https://www.askdrsears.com/top.....mful/

he has his sources there.

Personally ,I think there's a big difference between CIO and sleep training.

I also think that the emotional state of the parents is essentially part of the question.
In general maternal instincts and Judaic compassion would seem to favor not allowing an infant to be alone with his emotions. Rabbi Yisroel Salanter gave up kol nidrei to stay with a crying child . Also See Rabbi Noach Orlowek. Unfortunately I don't have access to his books to quote him. But I have heard his approach in shiurim where in my understanding he is against letting a child cry, because it will affect his Emunah - he will learn that no one answers when you cry.
Rav Wolbe s book is another good recommendation.

A quick google search gives me a shock saying there's no scientific evidence that CIO does damage. Other schools definitely disagree see the sources in Dr Sears above.
But apparently if you want to go strictly by science I would not argue with you. To me its more a soul /humane question. How to allow a helpless child to cry and ignore while going on with your stuff. It s like walking passed beggars without giving them a thought . For my sake I have learned to give something whether a dollar or a smile. Otherwise my heart becomes hardened. How much more so with my own child.
Again for parents at the end of their ropes in need of sleep , then sleep training has its place. Sleep training isn't CIO.

imorethanamother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 8:05 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

She put a happy baby on his/her tummy and went to take a shower. I mean, how dare she, right? Mommies should smell and also chain themselves to their babies side at all times.

Was this a three hour shower? Did she do this every day of her life? Who knows? The snap judgement and instant "this is abuse" is a bit much. Maybe benefit of the doubt is in order.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 8:26 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

She did not put a happy baby on her tummy and went to shower. As per her post, she put a baby on her tummy and the baby was crying. Even if the baby was crying, she went to shower in a bathroom that's far from the babies room. The several doors and the shower running made her not hear the baby's cry.
The safe and responsible thing to do when putting a baby on the tummy is to make sure the baby isn't left unattended. And when a baby is left to cry, the least you can do is stay within earshot of the baby instead of purposely drowning out the sound of the baby's crying.

amother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 8:29 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

She did not put a happy baby on her tummy and went to shower. As per her post, she put a baby on her tummy and the baby was crying. Even if the baby was crying, she went to shower in a bathroom that's far from the babies room. The several doors and the shower running made her not hear the babies cry.
The safe and responsible thing to do when putting a baby on the tummy is to make sure the baby isn't left unattended. And when a baby is left to cry, the least you can do is stay within earshot of the baby instead of purposely drowning out the sound of the babies crying.

why do u think it wasnt safe. The baby was in a safe crib. She went to shower. I assume she wasnt gone for very long. Good for her for taking care of herself. Why do you care if she hears the baby cry or not

amother

Navy

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 8:29 pm

Anti vaccine often goes along with other extreme views.
So it can go along with:
CIO is extremely bad or
CIO is extremely good.
Hitting children is the worst thing ever, you shouldn't even say no to a child or
Hitting is not enough you must belt your children daily and burn them with hot water.
Children should be exposed to every type of learning material out there or
Common core is the enemy.
Organic food is the most important thing to prevent everything or
Organic food is a scam and dangerous.
Etc.
Etc.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 8:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It is unsafe to leave a baby on the tummy unattended. And the least you can do if you let a baby cry themselves to sleep, is to be within earshot of the baby. I think it's pretty heartless to leave a baby to cry themselves to sleep while you go about your day and don't hear the baby.