My kids dont listen

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Forum -> Parenting our children

My kids dont listen

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shaina punim

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 9:19 pm

My kids are driving me CRAZY, they don't listen to me they don't go to bed for me, my husband is in school 2 nights a week and those nights they are up until I go to bed(11:30). I`m going mad I don't know what to do with them. Now with yom tov coming just the thought of it is making me crazy just thinking that they are going to be home for 2 weeks straight, and all the cooking. I`v never made sukkos before . I`m scard I`m going to have a brake down, ahhhhhhh.
just had to say all that, any advice with what to do with my kids or me getting mad?

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 9:36 pm

Love and Logic for early childhood (or for teenagers - I don't know how old your kids are)on Amazon.com. It takes a while to implement, but it should be a lifesaver. I am still new at it, but it has helped and I only have heard good things about it from pple who use it. Meantime - I don't have any other suggestions - good luck!

su7kids

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 9:51 pm

Age of kids? # of them?

shaina punim

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 9:52 pm

3,2,6months

stem

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 9:55 pm

Set boundaries and real consequences. I agree about "love and logic" it's amazing.

happymom

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 9:56 pm

did u try a reward system.... whenever u see one of the kids listening PRAISE them alot and then m,aybe they'll see they are getting so much attention for being good and want to listen... it works for me... it might work for you too. maybe u can try something like a chart.. whoever goes to bed by a certain time gets a star.. when there are three stars or however many they get something that they really want...

raizy

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:06 pm

join the club . my two babies go to sleep every night around 6:30 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. you would think that I was a perfect parent.

the older two 5 and 6 yrs are still not sleeping . ohh I think that the 5 yr old just conked out.

make life very boring for them at night that what I do. and lock your door to your room. so they cant have your company it works most nights. some nights I give up and they stay up till 10:00 p.m.

su7kids

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:10 pm

Having three kids under the age of 3 can be quite overwhelming. I can only promise you that it will get easier.

One of the things I did for mine when they were small is the "five things to bed" game.

Firstly, I don't know if you can make any routine or consistency with bedtime, and wind down time, no videos or tv for at least an hour before bedtime. A bath, if possible, and just quiet time.

Then, they get into bed at the SAME TIME every night (regardless of Shabbos and Yom Tov, you have to get this routine going) [for at least the older two].

Except Shabbos and YT -- you put them into bed with 5 items and maybe the light on. They can choose whichever 5 items they want. 5 pieces of lego, a book, a doll, anything that doesn't make noise.

Then, they just have to stay in bed quietly. If they want to play with these things, that's fine. (its the idea of getting them used to "bed time"). BUT if they make a noise or misbehave, one thing at a time gets taken away. (if you're nursing, you're going to have to mess with the baby a bit, to show the others that you are serious).

When all 5 things have been taken away, the light goes OFF. Usually, in a couple of nights of consistency, they will wind down and fall asleep either with the light on, or eventually just be in that "mode" of 'this is bed time'.

ROUTINE is key.

Don't let them see you "lose it". BTDT. Deep breathe for you, and off you go.

As far as the light is concerned, you don't HAVE to have a big light, it can be a lamp, just create that atmosphere.

Its tough, trust me, I've been there. I remember it well. Good luck.

Also, is there any way you can get some help during the day in the house to take some pressure off YOU?

raizy

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:19 pm

I tried everything . usally the five yr old will go to bed at 8:00 p.m. but my six yr old will not go to bed. he likes to stay up and up he is a high energy kid. doesnt need a lot of sleep to survive. the doc said their is such kids around. we even tried medicinces it didnt really work so we quit it.

eventally he get tired and goes into my hubby bed and falls asleep.

shaina punim

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:19 pm

I do have a bed time for them. if I`m a min. past there bed time thne they wount go to sleep at all bec they get over tiered. they do have quite time, they play for a few min and I give them a 5 min warning. I wount let toys in bed , we tried that and it made me more crazy be cit winds them up then they play togther and take more toys out and if I did take one a way at a time they will go crazy, I put them in bec with a bottle and say shema , usually that workes its just the days my husband isnt here that they all go crzy togther. some days they r more tieed then others and they come home tiered so whe I put them to bed they r over tiered even before I start geting them ready.
I do have bais yaccov girls come 2 times a week for an hour each to help me out. when they leav the kids act up.

shaina punim

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:22 pm

I do have a star chart for them it only works when they want to listen, I due buy them prizes when they are good and get 5 stars, I go in my room and let them run around I dont do anything exciting. it still doesnt work. my baby finely fell asleep my other 2 r still up.

shaina punim

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:24 pm

I dont let them sleep in my bed unless they r sick, oldest is full ov energy and doesnt like to sleep. my 2 year old likes to sleep but when her sister is playing she wants to join along.

happymom

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:32 pm

We always went to bed at our bedtime when we were kids. we didnt have a choice. My mother would come with us into our room.. sit on our beds.. daven with us and tell us a story, or read us a story. Sometimes it was a very long story and wed fall asleep in middle. when she was done we were always allowed to listen to a tape.. usually story tapes which we loved... my lil brothers and sisters fall asleep to a tape.

Rivk

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 10:43 pm

Love and logic is the way to go!

shanie5

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 11:48 pm

are u stressed when your husband isn't there? I find that when im tense, the kids wont go to sleep. if im calm, they are calm too.
mostly im at the point of ignoring them, turning off all lights, and pretending they are going to sleep- I only yell when they get real loud.

su7kids

Tue, Oct 11 2005, 12:43 am

Using a Torah story tape is a wonderful way of calming children down. Rabbi Burston or Uncle Yossi are especially helpful.

I think I can tell you at this point that you will get through this. its tough at the time, but it will pass, I promise.

ElTam

Tue, Oct 11 2005, 12:33 pm

I think two years old is young for a star chart. Three is pushing it.

I agree that routine and consistency are key. Put them down at the same time in the same way every night. If they get up, put them back in their beds. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Once they see they are not going to get away with it, no matter what they do, they'll get with the program.

The problem is the first time we give in and let them stay up, they figure out that, "If I do X, mommy will let me have my way."

su7kids

Tue, Oct 11 2005, 12:56 pm

I strongly agree with routine and making sure they "get" that its bed time. I know it is tough when you have two children close in age who have different energy levels, but what I found from my personal experience is its hard work in the short run and you can honestly sit back and 'relax" in the long run, because it will be working automatically for you, within a short time of CONSTANT consistency.

I know you can do it.

happymom

Tue, Oct 11 2005, 1:17 pm

I HAVE SEEN A CHArT work for an almost three year old.

chen

Fri, Oct 28 2005, 9:20 am

I have not much practical advice on the childrearing part, just words of chizuk. I had at one time 4 kids under 4 and hubby was rarely home in the eves., sometimes even going to work on motzaei shabbos. I was frustrated, stressed out, sleep-deprived and lonely! I used to go into my room, shut the door and scream into my pillow all the awful things I felt like saying to the kids. (they were not actually acting up just to plague me, it only seemed that way. ) I also vented to friends a lot.

Some of our bedtime things IIRC: Supper was early, maybe 5.00 or 6.00 at the latest. Bedtime was fairly strictly enforced. We started winding down at least an hour before. It started with cleaning up the room, putting away toys and the like. I tried to make things quiet and boring as we approached bedtime. When I put the kids down, I would lie down on the spare bed in their room. Then I would take each child one by one to lie with me for 10 or 15 minutes, to talk or cuddle or whatever, and then put him back in his bed. (Yes, I often fell asleep myself!) I don't remember what time all this happened--earlier in the winter and later in summer. It's pretty hard to put a chld to bed when it's still light outside.

FWIW, take some comfort out of the knowledge that children who "don't listen" often grow up to be very successful organizers and movers-and-shakers. It's very aggravating when they are little and are asserting their independence, but some of the qualities that are most annoying in children become their greatest strengths in adulthood.

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