How to explain this to my daughter

amother

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 1:13 am

My fifth grader was in a mini play in camp and they sent the video home. She had an acting part. I noticed that she fidgeted with her dress and hair a lot. She is usually not a fidgety type of kid. Also when some girls stood too far she motioned to them to move over and it was a little disruptive. I was wondering if I should point out these things in a nice way so that she has more awareness. I feel like she just wasn't aware how she looked on stage doing these things and I wouldn't want her to lack awareness when she's older and people might make fun of it.

What do you think would you discuss these things? She's very capable of standing still and not involving herself in where people are in general. Also how to do in a way that doesn't make her feel negative about her performance?

Iymnok

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 1:15 am

Don’t say anything except positive feedback. She will want to watch the video and will likely notice. If she’s in a play next year you could mention it to the play director. This is something that the directors should be teaching.

Teomima

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 1:22 am

It's the director's job to point these things out, not yours. Your job is to hug her and be excited and tell her how happy you are and how much fun it was to watch her on stage.

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 1:47 am

I wouldn't say anything critical. Criticism has a way of hurting children' in deep ways.
Pick your battles.
One of my children was having a lot of hardship with friends and I knew it's a problem and I could teach her proper social interactions.
But upon recommendation of my therapist I held back and never criticized her. Even when she complained about not having friends I would just empathize.
I noticed a pattern: when I heard her out fully, and sided with her at all costs, she recognized on her own what she's doing that's turning friends off, and she changed her patterns.

Rutabaga

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 1:48 am

Did she enjoy being in the play? Maybe sign her up for a drama club in school or something more professional on Sundays. She'll learn stage presence there. Please don't criticize her performance.

amother

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 1:57 am

Rutabaga wrote:

Did she enjoy being in the play? Maybe sign her up for a drama club in school or something more professional on Sundays. She'll learn stage presence there. Please don't criticize her performance.

She goes to drama club which is why I was surprised at her lack of awareness. She loves acting.

amother

Rose

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 7:06 am

My daughter about same age did similar at her school play. I went to the first showing and videoed her part, and when she watched it over she asked me hey why am I shockeling so much! I told her I'm not sure but I complimented her again. She then said herself she is going to make sure not to do it at the second showing. It didn't occur to me to say anything to her about it, she is a kid not a professional actress, other than that she acted her part with tons of confidence and you could see she was enjoying every minute of it. It probably comes from nerves of being up on stage in front a a large audience

amother

Cognac

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 9:03 am

Don't say anything.
As a child, I watched a video of myself in a play doing things like that and I was mortified on my own. It would have been terrible for me to have to hear it from someone else as well

zaq

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 12:15 pm

You don't. She's a fifth grader in camp, not twenty-five and in shidduchim or about to embark on Hollywood auditions . The performance is over and done with. There would be zero point to your critique and it would only be hurtful. Would you appreciate someone telling you, after the fact, that the dress you just wore to your son's wedding was too tight across the back and the color doesn't suit your complexion? While you were shopping such remarks would have been useful; after the fact they are only insulting.

In any case you say your dd is not normally twitchy. You have no reason to think she will be so when she grows up. For all you know, her underpants were itchy and her head was sweating, or she was just very self-conscious. Either way, there's no reason to think this will be a problem and less reason to bring it up.

BrisketBoss

Fri, Jul 30 2021, 12:25 pm

Teomima wrote:

It's the director's job to point these things out, not yours. Your job is to hug her and be excited and tell her how happy you are and how much fun it was to watch her on stage.

I love this advice. When I performed and sucked at it, I hated being told what a good job I had done. These comments are positive without being like that.