Have you heard of a push present?

groovy1224

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:25 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

This is excellent! I rescind my comment. This is really all we need.

Except you forgot #5 who complains about the term and how it isn't classy enough.

Good point. Noted for my next summary Wink

allthingsblue

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:26 pm

And I’ll add that the only time I really wanted a present was after my miscarriage. I felt like I could use that expression of love and caring.
(I didn’t get one. But I didn’t express to anyone that I wanted it so…)

BrisketBoss

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:31 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

I heard of it and it bothers me.
Why do I get a present for being blessed by Hashem with the greatest blessing?

Should I get a present for eating healthy and exercising? Or for working hard to make parnossah?

All the best things in life require hard work as well as tremendous siyata dishmaya.

I believe the idea is that it's a gratitude gift. We're all familiar with gratitude gifts. We give them to hosts, teachers, etc.

Ideally a husband supports his wife during and after the pregnancy to the best of his abilities. But even if he does so, there's only so much he can do. He can't literally participate in bearing the child, having his cervix examined, etc. So the gift--certainly not mandatory unless he knows she's expecting one--reflects his gratitude for bringing their beautiful child into the world.

And what fbc says below. It's hard work and it's nice to be acknowledged.

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

fbc

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:33 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

I hear what you're saying but respectfully disagree. For two reasons. Firstly, I had a really difficult first trimester this time around. So for me it's not just "being blessed with the greatest blessing"- there's a bunch of seemingly unblessed stuff that happens at the beginning (and for some, the whole time!). It's not necessarily all fairies and roses. So I do feel those who had more difficult pregnancies may appreciate the idea more.

Secondly, for those who's love language is receiving gifts, this would be extra meaningful I imagine. Not that the baby isn't a gift! But when a husband shows his wife an extra token of "you are strong, you went through so much, this was so hard, I'm thinking of you" kinda thing. It's sweet!

allthingsblue

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:36 pm

fbc wrote:

I completely hear that!
For me, the way my husband shows that he cares is by being on board with trying to conceive, buying me meds when I’m sick, making dinner, taking extra responsibilities, making dinner post baby, pulling his weight x100 whenever necessary etc.
It’s possible that gifts are not my love language, but rather acts of service and words of affirmation.

But I hear the other school of thought as well.

Supermom#1

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:39 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

This is excellent! I rescind my comment. This is really all we need.

Except you forgot #5 who complains about the term and how it isn't classy enough.

exactly. I never heard of a push present. But I have heard of a baby gift.

fbc

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 2:42 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

Totally hear! And my husband did so much for me during first trimester but acts of service is so not my love language! So even though I do so appreciated everything he did, it didn't make me feel particularly loved. Those things just "had to get done by someone" and it wasn't gonna be me cuz I was so sick. But yes, I think it's totally a personality/love language thing!

zaq

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 3:11 pm

Yes. I consider it an unspeakably vulgar term and am disgusted that women here use it.

As for the concept of a man giving his wife a gift on the birth of a baby, why not? It's a simcha, after all, and let's not forget who did most of the work to make it happen. I don't, however, agree that it's an obligation on the husband's part. It's just a nice, thoughtful thing to do.

And ITA that it has nothing to do with what kind of delivery the baby had. The "work" is the nine months of pregnancy and all that entails.

Last edited by zaq on Tue, Aug 10 2021, 3:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

imaima

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 3:29 pm

fbc wrote:

I am the same.
I want a present.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 3:34 pm

Chickensoupprof wrote:

Yeah pretty common in the NL. My mom got a Maurice Lacroix when she got me and then some people made silly comments like 'You got a C-section! You did not do all the work!''

Ugh!! Some people do not think before they speak.

amother

Wheat

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 3:43 pm

Yup I get a nice piece of jewelry for each baby. I usually get something when I first get pregnant, as a celebration, then when I have the baby both my father and dh gift me with a piece of jewelry. But I come from a culture in which jewelry has significance and is given at milestone events. (And my father's gift is in lieu of any other baby gift.) (Also, we're not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. What dh buys me for my first few kids was a few hundred dollars, and with prices up a lot now, for my last baby was around $1300 and it was a stretch for us. But it's important to me.)

chanatron1000

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 4:22 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

It's not a prize or trophy, it's a gift. It's like a birthday gift or anniversary gift. It signifies that the birth of the child is a moment of celebration.

OBnursemom

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 4:54 pm

I’ve heard of them. I got a baby each time. Exactly what I wanted.

Edit- I commented and then I read the summary on the previous page and I LOLed. I spend plenty of money when I’ve had a baby. My husband knows I get what I like and knows better than to say anything. We do well in the ‘I will buy myself something I want and credit it to you’ department.

allthingsblue

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 5:00 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

It's not a prize or trophy, it's a gift. It's like a birthday gift or anniversary gift. It signifies that the birth of the child is a moment of celebration.

We definitely celebrate. With a kiddush or a Bris.

dancingqueen

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 6:54 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

We definitely celebrate. With a kiddush or a Bris.

That’s celebrating the baby. A baby gift from a dh to his wife is about him expressing appreciation for all that she went through physically and emotionally to give him the worlds most precious gift.

amother

Gray

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 7:03 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

By that logic, why get wedding presents? You've just been blessed with your soulmate.

Why do I get a present for being blessed by Hashem with the greatest blessing?

fbc

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 7:17 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

Well said dancingqueen!