Help me think of a punishment

amother

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:25 am

heidi wrote:

I'm just wondering if he wrote those words bcz he was angry about something and that was his way of expressing himself. So definitely check the motivation. I would be angry about the disrespecting property and have him try to clean it. Let him understand that sometimes our actions have far reaching consequences (like the inability to remove the pen).

Nope. He was in a great mood. He's been misbehaving since camp ended.
To those saying leave it - you have no problem with your children destroying property that doesn't belong to them? What if they did it in school

FranticFrummie

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:26 am

I agree with having him clean up the writing.

Is it permanant marker, or is is ball point pen? If ball point, you're in luck. Hair spray will loosen up the ink, and you can carefully rub it away (don't scrub).

If permanent, try some of these tips: https://askinglot.com/does-sha.....vinyl Make sure the windows are down so he doesn't inhale any fumes. Obviously, you are not the first person to deal with this, because Google came up with a TON of hits for this question.

(And I'm really sorry, but I had to laugh at the potty words. Kids are crazy sometimes! I often find, that keeping a straight face is the hardest part of parenting. LOL

)

crust

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes I have a problem with that but being livid and or giving multiple and not age appropriate punishments won't help.

Making them realize what happened and how it isn't reversible makes them mature on their pace.

nchr

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:27 am

thunderstorm wrote:

I hope you are kidding!!!! This would be extremely damaging to the child if you were serious about this.

I used to tell my boys I would call their rebbe to discuss behaviors they did. A few weeks ago one of my children cleaned up the playroom so cute. He was plain cute. And so proud with himself. After I told him how good he is he asked me if I was going to call his rebbe. I asked him what he meant and he said if I can call the rebbe when he is bad why don't I call when he is good. There's an example of children putting me in my place.

Blessing1

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:29 am

nchr wrote:

Don't mix the Rebba/teacher into what's going on at home. Don't threaten a child that you'll embarrass them. It's a terrible thing to do.

sneakermom

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:31 am

Teaching lessons need not be painful. It’s possible you two are stuck in a negative rut. Stop reinforcing the negativity. Give it no energy. Instead search for all the good things in him. That will make things shift over time.

For example regarding the arm rest you can allow him to take responsibility by washing it off. But with no lecture and criticism. Matter a fact. Then look out for his goodness. It will be there for sure. And reflect it to him.

nchr

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:33 am

Blessing1 wrote:

Don't mix the Rebba/teacher into what's going on at home. Don't threaten a child that you'll embarrass them. It's a terrible thing to do.

I never did any of that. Maybe the context wasn't clear. If your 5 year old tells you "my rebbe says we can scream" and you say "oh yes. OK I'm going to have to call rebbe so and so to ask what he meant when he said it" I'm not threatening to shame my child. Neither is it when I ask my child if rebbe so and so let's children bang doors and he says yes (and he knows the answer is no) and I say ok I'll call and ask.

amother

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:35 am

These responses are funny.
I said I need a serious punishment. Not multiple severe punishments.
In my house a punishment is 5 minutes in your room to think about what you did. So a serious punishment is more than that. It doesn't mean corporal punishment.

Cleaning off the pen is a good one.
Maybe I just wasn't clear but I'm shocked at these responses. Those who are saying kids are kids etc. If you allow your kids to damage property with no consequences I can only imagine their behavior as adults.

Blessing1

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:38 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The consequence would be that he needs to clean it. He'll see how hard it is to clean and hopefully learn his lesson. If you feel like the punishment must be severe, you can have him clean it while he'd usually watch or play outside. You're overreacting for something pretty age appropriate.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:56 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:44 am

Blessing1 wrote:

I'm sorry - but I didn't say the word severe. I said serious. Which was explained in my above post. Where I mentioned cleaning it was a good idea.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He didn't take a scissors and rip the seats. He didn't tear off the armrests, nor did he break the windows. He committed a childlike act of scribbling on somewhere that he shouldn't. He did a wrong, and he can fix it (or try to) by washing it off. There isn't a need to escalate a minor offense into a major one.

Besides for teaching kids wrong or right, we also teach our kids how to react to situations. Overreactions teach our kids that everything that goes wrong is a major event. Knowing how to approach individual situations is also a very important skill.

Chayalle

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Your OP does not explain what you consider a punishment in your house. It does say you are livid. Sometimes people do severe things (and call them serious) out of anger. So yes, your OP was not very clear. I'm glad that you are a parent that gives appropriate consequences in your home.

You are sounding calmer and more rational now.

I think kids are kids, and at the same time, I think there should be consequences to their actions. But we as parents have to remember that kids are kids. Even if they are smart and should know better, they still revert to childish behavior sometimes. So we try to teach them, give them consequences, and at the same time keep things in perspective. B"EH they will grow up one day and hopefully be healthy adults.

amother

Mintcream

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 11:55 am

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

Shaming kids does not help them learn better behavior which is the goal

It scares them and prevents them from doing it again.
It DOES help them learn better behavior which is the goal.

Chayalle

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 12:03 pm

amother [ Mintcream ] wrote:

I think you should make him take a note to class about what he did and embarrass him.

Would you be okay with sharing something that embarrasses you, with your group of friends?

Oh wait....you're posting under imamother, not even using your screenname. I wonder why?

amother

Cornsilk

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 12:06 pm

I second the rubbing alcohol- it removes ink very well. Your son can have the honor of doing it as a natural consequence.

Also, I think talking to him about ruining other people's property is appropriate. You can give him some examples- "How would you feel if someone went into your room and colored all over your favorite book or your nice, new, expensive toy that Bubby bought for you?" And let him answer. And then you can explain how his coloring on your car made you feel the same way- someone ruined something that belongs to me (I would leave out the whole lease explanation... that it is not really yours.)

I think helping him understand WHY it is not ok is much more valuable than making him upset through an unrelated punishment.

Blessing1

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 12:07 pm

amother [ Mintcream ] wrote:

It scares them and prevents them from doing it again.
It DOES help them learn better behavior which is the goal.

Shaming kids is NEVER an appropriate way to teach them a lesson. And kids being scared of doing something wrong, does NOT mean that they learnt better behavior. They're just scared.
Shaming and scaring kids to get them to behave is abuse.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Wed, Aug 25 2021, 12:10 pm; edited 1 time in total