If ur home on YK do you daven every tefila?

amother

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:18 pm

being home, watching, entertaining and feeding kids I still feel like I must daven every tefila. I have moment of intense nausea, chills, heat, and weakness during every fast but that's expected.
I don't think I'll do different in my prayers I'm just wondering if it's the norm that mothers feel they must daven every tefila...

TravelHearter

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:28 pm

Of course not! Hashem wants you to take care of His kids!! If you have time great, if you’re not feeling well you’re not expected to daven.
Why don’t you try to have a good maariv tonight while you’re still feeling good and then tomorrow if you don’t daven at all you at least got one good tefilla in?

Chayalle

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:29 pm

I do my best. Note that you can't say some of the tefillos of Neilah (13 Middos) when not davening with a minyan.

Also want to share what Rabbi Forcheimer, one of Lakewood's foremost Poskim, told me when I was pg with my youngest DD. He said your primary obligation on Y"K is to fast. Anything that detracts from that is 2ndary. So if it's hard for you to daven, and makes the fasting difficult, you don't.

torquoise

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:31 pm

Ha, I thought you were kidding in the subject line.
If my kids would not need me for 15 minutes straight, maybe I'll get in a minimal shacharis. But that's a dream. I just say the bare minimum, and if they're doing ok, fill in after shemone esrei.
But all that is if it's working for me and the kids. As soon as it's not working, I stop.

Ema of 5

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:58 pm

There have been years when I didn’t even say shacharis!!! I BH have big kids (who will be in shul) and little kids (who will be home) I am a terrible faster, and usually stay in bed until about 1:00-2:00. My cleaning lady was here last year, and I think the year before a friend came and took my kids out of the house for a few hours. Before that one of my big kids was home, and that was a big help. If I get out of bed too early, I’m out of commission for a week, so it’s really important that I have my shiurim set up and I’m able to actually stay in bed. (This is all while NOT pregnant, it’s been a while since I’ve had to fast on Yom Kippur while pregnant.)

happy chick

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 12:58 pm

amother [ Brickred ] wrote:

No I do not. Fasting and taking care of kids trumps davening.

This. Any extra time I have, I use for saying tehillim.

amother

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 1:53 pm

good to know that it's not as mandatory as I feel it is.

I do talk during davening because the kids constantly ask stuff and need help or attention.

notshanarishona

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 1:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Of course not, it’s probably even the wrong thing to do, unless your kids are old enough to understand. Assuming one has toddlers or babies, leaving them unsupervised or unable to communicate with them for huge chunks of time is not fair to the kids.

amother

Ebony

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 2:01 pm

BH yes. Five shemonah esrays and selichos (parts that don't need a minyan), ten viduis, and the avodah. As much of brachos, karbonos, pesukai dzimra, and the piyuttim as I can.
BH I've been able to do it every year. It helps that I always went to shul (even for selichos) and know the tefillos by heart and my kids (I have 6 BH) tend to be on their best behavior for Yom kippur and entertain each other. This year the older three will be in shul.

But....I only do it because I want to. It's not an obligation and I know I don't need to and if I can't, I won't.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 2:11 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

What do your little kids do?

allthingsblue

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 2:19 pm

It would not even be possible for me.
I do maariv, some part of shachris (at the very least brachos and shema), and usually Neilah if my younger kids are sleeping.

amother

Oleander

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 2:24 pm

I have a picture in my mind of a women in the park davening shemonei esrei with her eyes closed and a lot of kavanah while her baby in the baby swing nearby was hanging out of the swing nearly upside down almost flying out head first. There’s a time for everything.
And every ones situation is different. And every year is a different situation.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 2:28 pm

He’s no longer alive but he didn’t do this ever. Never heard of it till I got one of those cards in the mail from a tzedakah. I kept it cuz it was pretty. Now I bench my kids over the phone if I can reach them, which is not a given. Some of them are very incommunicado.

Ema of 5

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 3:04 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

What do your little kids do?

They play….I usually get them a few new toys, but I didn’t this year. We have a LOT of toys in our playroom, and it keeps them busy for a few hours. Also they read books (we have a lot of those too)

mommyhood

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 3:17 pm

Sometimes yes but usually no. Reading makes me dizzy on fast days so most years it’s too hard for me to say everything.

pause

Wed, Sep 15 2021, 3:31 pm

Usually I do, but some years (nursing or pregnant) I end up skipping mincha. It's at the crunch time of crankiness, supper and bedtime, and by the time I get to daven, I only have time for ne'ilah. Also I daven most shemone esrei's sitting (with my feet together).

FranticFrummie

Thu, Sep 16 2021, 10:00 am

I wish I could, and I don't even have kids.

I always struggle with davening from a sefer. I have such bad ADD, that I can barely make it through a single page without my mind wandering someplace really random.

I try so hard to focus on the importance of the day, and on the words, and their meaning - but my brain has other ideas - lots of them.

Even worse, is the chronic fatigue. I always fall asleep when I'm reading, even if it's a novel that I'm totally engrossed in. The next thing I know the book is slipping from my hands, and I'm slumped over.

I just hope that Hashem understands that I'm desperately trying to pay attention, but it doesn't seem physically possible at the moment.