What kind of help do you expect from your older kids

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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 7:17 am
If you have no cleaning help, and you work full time?

Adding to the mix that my kids think the floor is a garbage can, and my husband likes to criticize about the house (but doesn’t actually pitch in).
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 7:18 am
Well, I definitely wouldn't expect more from the older kids than I do from the husband. Why not start with him, tell him to set a good example for them?
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 7:37 am
First things first is to get them to use the actual garbage can. Keep it near the table and sit with them when they eat. Prompt them to pick up what fell on the floor, to throw out their garbage before getting up from the table.
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 8:07 am
At the minimum , I expect them to clean their own rooms for Shabbos and Yom Tov.
Also , if they are aware that they need laundry done, I told them that I don’t have the time to constantly do laundry and that it’s their responsibility to check to see that they have clothes to wear. If not, they know to take the hamper to the laundry room and throw in a load or two to wash. My kids from age 10 and up know how to wash laundry if needed.
The most important is that they are taught by example. My DH helps with the household cleaning , especially before Shabbos and Yom Tov. So I have him help me get the kids to assist. They see that both of us are working hard together and usually that prompts them to be more helpful. But if my DH didn’t help me so much , I don’t think my kids would bother helping me either . I’m sorry that you are in such a difficult position. I think the main thing is for your DH to start doing more . I know that’s easier said than done and that it most likely wouldn’t happen. That’s hard.
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 8:13 am
Cleaning after themselves is step one. Their own garbage, clothing, stuff and rooms.
Beyond that giving kids a chore or 2 on a regular basis is a normal expectation.
Constantly asking them to do this or that is far less effective than giving them a chore that they do daily/weekly. Almost any chore is acceptable if everyone gets a chore to do and they are done on a consistent basis.
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 8:23 am
Taking out trash, sweeping/vacuuming, emptying dishwasher (if you have one), cleaning bathroom sinks, wiping down kitchen counters/outside of cabinets, emptying dehumidifier in basement, bringing up clean laundry from the basement for me to fold, etc. and then helping put away/put away their own stuff. Also, around bar/bas mitzvah age, they start doing their own laundry. Obviously, cleaning their rooms.

Also, my teens are often getting their own food, etc., and my primary rule is they need to put stuff away/clean up. I don't harp on what they eat and I don't nitpick every crumb, but they need to clean up after themselves so there aren't dishes, containers, garbage, or substantial mess left behind.

FYI If they have to clean up the messes on the the floors daily, and they take turns with everyone's mess, they may learn eventually to not just throw stuff on the floor.
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 8:33 am
Erev shabbos/yt: their own room and one bigger job ie. cleaning a communal living space, helping with laundry, vacuuming, or helping with food prep in the kitchen.

Beyond that, to clean up after themselves and to lock up for the night since they come home late.
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 6:20 pm
My younger than teen kids empty dishwashers, set tables, put away laundry. Teens can do more - fold laundry, sweep floors, wash dishes…
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 6:35 pm
Really depends how old they are,
-All my kids have to make their beds and clean their rooms for Shabbos (from 5-6 yrs old)
- All my kids need to put their laundry in the laundry basket and take their washed laundry
- All kids change their own linen
-My 20 yr old daughter irons shirts and sometimes bakes - she works full time and is only doing a degree online so I don't ask her to do much
-all teenage girls iron their own clothes
-my HS daughter is very helpful - she peels vegetables, sometimes bakes, and in general willing to help
- my teenage son clears whatever he thinks needs to be cleared and takes last week's Challah to the park for the birds (ok not the biggest help)
- My 12 year old makes kugel, 1 or 2 dips, sometimes washes some dishes and helps with the mopping (he is a big help)
- My 10 year old sweeps and makes 1 dip and is very helpful
- My husband washes the floors, takes out the garbage
That leaves my nothing to do - just kidding I do all the cooking, washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms and I'm preparing till the last minute....doesn't help that I work full time and only get home about 4 hours before Shabbos...
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 6:41 pm
I expect children of all ages to not use the floor as a garbage can.
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Post Thu, Sep 23 2021, 11:46 pm
My kids know that anything not in the hamper doesn't get washed. They can't complain they don't have clean clothing if they don't put it in the hamper.
My kids help for shabbos to get the house in order. Bathrooms, living room and playroom clean up and vacuum, dining room and kitchen floors need to swept and mopped, clear couches, empty small garbages from around the house, put away silverware from the dishrack. That said all my kids (ages 4-18) pitch in on their level. I just redistributed the "jobs" as 2 of my boys aren't really around much as they dorm.
I can't say the do a great job on everything, but at least we go into shabbos knowing there was an attempt and it is better than it was.
When my boys were home more, they would help serve the shabbos meals. My younger kids haven't really taken over that yet.
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