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It's 9 pm and my mesivta son still not home
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:13 pm
I want my son home already.!! We like to be in bed early, but the van is so long, it's dark and I just want my day to end. Am I the only one this way??

Why is the day so long?
Why am I feeling like a bad mother that he's out so late
Should I just pick up from school is that what other mothers do
Can someone help me see the good of why school is so long

I just want to cry
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tp3




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:15 pm
Is he your oldest?
It takes getting used to.
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amother




Denim
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:17 pm
I don't understand why boys need to be in school for so late.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:19 pm
9 is early for some... just saying. My friend's kid comes home 10:30!
I'm happy my son is not in a brand name mesivta and he's home by 8:20. Once a week they come home 6 so they can eat supper at home. I think it's so important for them!
I feel you op.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:23 pm
He just came home!!! I feel like I need to cry from waiting so long And thinking what a long day he had. Can anyone chime in if they pick up their son every day so that he doesn’t have to be on the van for an hour
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:25 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He just came home!!! I feel like I need to cry from waiting so long And thinking what a long day he had. Can anyone chime in if they pick up their son every day so that he doesn’t have to be on the van for an hour


How far are you from his mesivta? If it's not hard for you to get out at this hour and you live really close you may as well pick him up.
But for most this is a hard hour to get out of the house.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:27 pm
Also, your son will pick up on your anxious frustrated vibe and it will just make this harder on him.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:27 pm
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
How far are you from his mesivta? If it's not hard for you to get out at this hour and you live really close you may as well pick him up.
But for most this is a hard hour to get out of the house.


Super hard but my heart is broken from thinking about how long his day is we don’t live close what do other than imamothers do. help
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:41 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Super hard but my heart is broken from thinking about how long his day is we don’t live close what do other than imamothers do. help


I'm trying to say this delicately, but you're being a bit too dramatic. Take a deep breath. Your son will survive. Like all the other million boys before him.
Have some food he likes ready for him when he gets home. Give him a big hug. Don't show him how hard this is for you.
You'll get used to it.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:44 pm
tp3 wrote:
Is he your oldest?
It takes getting used to.

I don’t live in Lakewood, but my oldest just started high school this year, and he doesn’t get back that late.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He just came home!!! I feel like I need to cry from waiting so long And thinking what a long day he had. Can anyone chime in if they pick up their son every day so that he doesn’t have to be on the van for an hour

We live in far rockaway, and my son is in yeshiva in Brooklyn. We are in a carpool with boys from far rockaway and the five towns. No vans or buses, because they are very costly.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:47 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
I don’t live in Lakewood, but my oldest just started high school this year, and he doesn’t get back that late.


8-9 is the norm for tri state area heimish/yeshivish mesivtas (afaik). And if ops son is an hour on the bus that just adds to it.
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tp3




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:47 pm
I used to wait on my porch after 9 pm till my oldest got home.
A few boys later I don't blink till 10 pm and even then. You get used to these things.
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amother




Crystal
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:49 pm
my son gets home around 830 or 930 depends on whether he stays for second night seder. . u get used to it... the boys r ok with it
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amother




Bellflower
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:49 pm
Not necessarily a bad thing if the teen boys are busy with wholesome stuff all day long even if it’s late and a long day
The commute is what it is so look at the big picture
Much nachas
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flmommy




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 10:23 pm
Is the van a fun ride where he hangs and relaxes with friends? I would pick him up if humanly possible if not.
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esuss




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 10:23 pm
It is very likely that only you are the one stressed about his schedule and your son will love it. I had the same worries when my oldest started this schedule. I calmed down when I saw how happy he was coming home. Now my youngest started mesivte . Not only does he love this schedule but he signed up for an optional shiur and now gets home twice a week even later.

If you see that the day is hard for him offer to drive him home occasionally. The van is social hour and wind down time for him. When I did carpool for a Van load of boys this age they would talk and play all sorts of word games together. They had a ton of fun on the way home.
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amother




Tealblue
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 10:26 pm
My sons Mesivta is over after 10 pm. I thought that it’s the norm. Isn’t that typical for a yeshivish yeshiva?
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amother




Yolk
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 10:27 pm
My 11th grade son in Lakewood gets home at 10:30-10:45! It’s a long day but the boys manage. My son is doing fine. It’s me who had to adjust to being up late and perky with yummy food ready for him when he gets home.
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amother




Electricblue
 

Post Tue, Oct 05 2021, 10:48 pm
OP, you need to reframe this for yourself. Wow! What a zchus that your son spends so many hours in a torahdik atmosphere! He's so lucky. Celebrate that. Have something yummy ready for when he comes home and tell him how proud you are of his hasmada and how special it is that he has this opportunity. Yes the days are long and when he needs a break you'll work with him, but don't feel bad for him! He's learning Torah!
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