Will my kid be weird if I homeschool

ValleyMom

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 7:17 am

Typically a responsible teacher would assess all the children during the first six weeks of school and differentiate the literacy and math program to meet the needs of all their students.

I have anywhere between 38-45 five/six year old boys (two separate classes) and I have a lesson plan for the class and then side notes of different supplemental activities for students that require varying amounts of drill, practice and review- or possibly a new concept.

How can a teacher expect one basic lesson plan meet the needs of various abilities in a classroom?
Children need stimulation otherwise they get board and become reluctant learners.

I am a teacher with 25+ years of classroom teaching... this is simply my opinion.

mha3484

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:06 am

Are you sure that that is true OP? 10 minutes of recess seems really extreme. My boys get three recesses a day and the teachers have them working in pairs and groups frequently. Their social and emotional wellbeing is very much prioritzed. This a large yeshiva in the midwest. I would do a lot of research to make sure what you think the school is like is actually what its like in reality.

amother

Junglegreen

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:12 am

amother [ Birch ] wrote:

Ok. But there are people who would be ok with it also

OP asked a question. So yes I would think it wierd, different. Others may be okay with it.

I think also that particularly later on - high school, etc.. - it would be a big deal breaker. Maybe preschool age is not such a big deal.

Chayalle

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Well my husband probably wouldn't let lol. I would do it very well. I already do it halfway. He actually loves school but he's learning Aleph bais for the second year in a row...I taught him that at age 2.... he was already reading nekudos with me last year. Ugh wish I had a better option for him than the huge local factory school.

OP I have a child who was also reading by age 3.
There's alot more to school than just the academics. I sent her to a school that has alot to offer different levels of learning.
When my child was in first grade, they found they had quite a few girls in her grade who were already reading, so they put them all into one reading group, and did higher level reading, as well as writing, with that group. They also had different levels for math, and she was always in the higher group. There were always various competitions and contests that DD enjoyed participating in (and winning, of course Smile

).
On top of learning, there are so many collaborative projects (science fairs, history fairs, displays of research projects on various subjects) and extra curricular activities (for girls, dance, drama, singing, music...may be different for boys, but premise is the same) that present them with enriching opportunities.
These may not be the biggest deal in preschool, but as your child gets older, you would not want him to be deprived of these opportunities.

OP, it sounds a little like you are very attached to your child, which is a very beautiful thing...but can sometimes be excessive. It's important for a parent to know that a child is a pikadon - a loan from Hashem, and we are here to raise them for their own benefit, not for ourselves. Something to think about.

amother

Moonstone

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:20 am

Your son is still young. Definitely keep him home for now.
As for later homeschooling you can find other like minded parents and make groups.
Thats my dream. For now my boys are in a smaller school.
Not typical. BH. Although no where near ideal.

Ive learned to accept I cant have the ideal.

I’m not the mother who can homeschool in line with my idealistic vision. I don’t have the skills or personality. If I had the money I would hire someone but I would also make sure there was social interaction with other homeschooling families.

watergirl

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:29 am

amother [ Junglegreen ] wrote:

At the end of the day, it affects who they are, regardless of their control over the decision.

Maybe for the better! But you said you don't do shidduchim with people who go against the norm. Now you are giving another reason. A lot of things effect a person's development, personality, middos, self esteem, self image, etc. If everything else about the person sounds like it may be a match, why nix the shidduch based on your preconceived ideas of what a homeschooled child "is like"?

If all things were equal and checked all of your boxes (other than school) on the resume between two boys, and one went to yeshiva from age 4 and one was homeschooled from age 4-8th grade (and yeshiva after), you would automatically nix the homeschooled one and say yes to the one who was in school? Couldn't it be possible that the child who was homeschooled is actually better adjusted, better everything else than the one who went to school? Couldn't it be that the boy who went to traditional school was bullied there but his parents stuck it out, didn't get him therapy (cause, ya know, shidduchim), etc... and now that boy has trauma from that and you have no idea because the resume doesn't reflect that... yet right off the bat you said yes to him but no to the homeschooled one because it went against the norm? As opposed to the homeschooled kid, whose parents gave him the chinuch they felt he needed, and now he is the better adjusted, healthier, and happier one? Yet, you said no just because his resume said homeschool...

I'm just trying to illustrate how daft it is to say no to a shidduch based on something like this without doing further research into the person.

SixOfWands

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:36 am

I am SO not the homeschool type, but it can be done, and it can be done well. Without the student being "weird."

First and foremost, not sending your kid to preschool is not "homeschooling."

Homeschoolers don't lack social interaction unless their parents are lazy. They join and participate in homeschool groups, other extracurricular activities, and projects that kids who are in school all day don't have time for.

They are able to learn more about the things they're interested in, and learn in a more holistic way. Your kid can learn math sitting at a desk. Or he can learn by helping you cook, and halving and doubling recipes.

But you have to know your limits.

Far too often, online, I encounter "homeschool parents" who could not write a grammatically correct sentence if their lives depended on it. Or who lack math skills. (And before I am attacked, I am not referring to frum homeschool parents here.) Or, applying it here, lack anything beyond a basic knowledge of gemorrah.

You also need to recognize that its a whole different parenting dynamic. It requires objectivity. You cannot homeschool with an attitude of "my kid is a genius," because you're going to miss far too much, particularly if your child is "twice gifted" -- brilliant, but with learning differences.

Finally, if you don't intend to homeschool until high school, you need an integration plan. If the local schools don't take a kid who has not been in the system, that's a problem for you. You also, of course, need to cover the curriculum of any school into which you intend to integrate your child.

amother

Junglegreen

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:37 am

watergirl wrote:

I don't think so but we can agree to disagree. I don't think it's possible that at the end of the day someone homeschooled will be the same. I think they loose out at some point. Or are different than someone who went thru the school system.

amother

Moonstone

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:40 am

amother [ Honey ] wrote:

I didn't read all the responses, but in my personal experience, the children I know that are homeschooled are definitely lacking in the social skills department. Even if you do playdates, it's not the same as learning how to function in a group.

Really curious if this is your personal experience or is simply what is commonly said on the streets.
Homeschoolers I know who are healthy people and make sure their children have plenty social opportunities have children who are socially and emotionally astute and mature and very self motivated. They seem to have many advantages.
(I’m not talking about people homeschooled in abusive situations or sadly for reasons that don't allow social interaction.)

OP sounds like she will provide social and socio-emotional opportunities for her child and I have faith in her ideal.

amother

Acacia

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:42 am

I am currently having work done on my house by an African American man. I think he is from one of the islands like Trinidad. He and his wife have 10 kids and homeschool them all. They are pretty devout Xtians, I believe.

Anyways, his kids are the ones doing most of the work. He supervises. They learn in the morning and then come to our house late morning/early afternoon.

These kids are probably the most polite, intelligent, competent, and honest non-Jewish people I have met. I have been so impressed with them all.

The older ones are now in college/working. One of them is hoping to do pre-Med. The contractor did tell me that colleges were very hesitant in taking his kids because of the homeschool label. But once they got in and started working, it was very clear that they are well prepared.

I think the bottom line is that if homeschooling is done right, it can be successful. If not, it could be bad.
I've also heard from people that doing it with only 1 kid is very challenging because they have no one to play with and can make you crazy. Larger families are sometimes more successful.

amother

Yolk

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:50 am

I wouldn't even say it's about if he'll be labeled. Kids need to socialize, so unless you can become part of a group of homeschooling mom's, he'll be lacking social skills. I kept my younger kids home until they were older, my dd until 5 and right now I have my 4 yo still home. However, it comes to a point where they want friends, a rebbi, a morah. It's more than just the academics. If he's your oldest then it's probably easier to homeschool for longer.

dena613

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:58 am

OP, let's put aside weird for a moment (I know homeschooled kids who are extremely off, but also know a family where that wasn't the case.)

Keeping him out of school until K.is not homeschooling. It's not sending your child to preschool, and I'm totally find with that.

The question is what will you do when he is 5?

Sounds like you are a SAHM, dh provides parnassah, and this is your oldest.

When your son is 8, he should be starting mishnayos.
By 10, starting gemara.
You will not be the one teaching it to him. You will have to have dh learn with him, if he's qualified and has time, or hire a private rebbi.

You will hopefully have more kids and need to be providing each with a customized lesson. You might be teaching 5 grade levels simultaneously, in addition to doing the typical cleaning and cooking and shopping. does that sound feasible? Are you a total powerhouse?

I know some may think I'm crazy, but you really have to think about this- what happens if you reach breaking point.

Will schools accept your kids?

amother

Phlox

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:05 am

As a mother and morah of elementary aged children:

Kids have lots of recess time. Especially boys, from my experience. They have three recesses, and one is very long.

(In my girls school, where I teach, there's 20 min AM, 15 min PM, besides lunch.)

In class, I have students working in partners and groups, as well as modeling and teaching how to handle themselves when others make a mistake, or someone makes a silly comment, when they are working with a student who is too fast or too slow for them...
So many social skills out of recess time.

amother

Phlox

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I already do this. I just think of how broken and stupid the educational system is especially for boys and it makes me sad. Also his day is just too long. I literally have him for 20 minutes in the morning and 3 hours before bedtime. School and the bus is raising him not me... (even if I cut out the bus that saves me maybe 30 minutes)

I live OOT. And I'll admit it. My boys elementary might be a bit (or a ton!) stupid and broken for Chol.

BUT they have BLI AYIN HARA AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, MOTIVATING REBBEIM!!!!
I should really dance and sing every day that my boys have such wonderful dedicated kodesh staff.

Why is your kid's educational system so stupid and broken?
Maybe find a different system?

(Or is system a code word for chassidus, and I'm not getting it?)

wiki

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:37 am

Where I grew up and the day school options were limited, quite a number of families homeschooled, or did so at some points, for some kids. I was friends with some homeschooled peers and my parents were friends with a number of other parents who homeschooled.

OP, your homeschooled kid will be weird if you're weird. If you're not weird, your homeschooled kid has a pretty good chance of not being weird.