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If you grew up in a happy, healthy home
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:45 pm
What about it was happy, healthy? Can you share what your home, childhood looked like.
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amother




Ginger
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:54 pm
I didn't have that picture perfect home but I always was jealous of the girls who's moms tucked them in, hugged and kissed them, read, played, asked them about their day.. basically always did the mommy stuff I just dreamed of and I'm trying to do all that as a mom myself...

I'd say a safe, secure home filled with love and the freedom of expression, creativity fun laughs and lots of love ❤
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amother




Pumpkin
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 8:57 pm
amother [ Ginger ] wrote:
I didn't have that picture perfect home but I always was jealous of the girls who's moms tucked them in, hugged and kissed them, read, played, asked them about their day.. basically always did the mommy stuff I just dreamed of and I'm trying to do all that as a mom myself...

I'd say a safe, secure home filled with love and the freedom of expression, creativity fun laughs and lots of love ❤


Same.
And who wiped away their tears, laughed with them, watched a movie with them, let them bake in the kitchen with her, didn’t force them to daven every single day from a very young age, bought them a tiny treat or tchotche just because, let them take a “sick” day once in a while, drove them to the mall just for fun…

(And didn’t beat them and threaten to beat them all the time)
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amother




Moccasin
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:01 pm
BH I grew up in such a home! My parents loved each other, didn’t fight (they argued and disagreed but didn’t fight - at least not in front of us!), were happy with their roles in life and supported us, loved us, took care of every need. Of course nothing is perfect but in general we had this feeling of security and this feeling like we were our parents biggest treasures.
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amother




Peony
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:06 pm
My mother didn't work for most of my childhood. But my father worked and learned long hours. So there were a lot of weekend and vacation times with just us kids and our mother. We did things together, like sewing toys, gardening-basically things that cost mostly attention and not money.
There were times that my parents got angry, but that was the exception to the rule.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:06 pm
I didn't grow up in a rich home, but we had what we needed. We didn't have to beg for food, c"v and we always had new clean clothes. My parents schedules were very predictable and the stability was very comforting. We were taken care of on a physical and emotional level. Nothing extra, but all out basic needs were met.
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amother




Smokey
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 9:45 pm
I think my home had times of being happy and healthy and also sometimes not so happy and healthy. Truthfully, I think most families have a mix of times . Ofc there are exceptions where some families are just amazing, and some that are just horrible. But I see with my own family now, sometimes I’m amazing- super loving , attentive etc and sometimes I lose it, yell and get annoyed. I’d love for those times to be fewer and far between, but I also let my self know that there are so many layers in everyday life we can’t always be on our best (at least I can’t) . I usually have a pretty good marriage, but mg kids have also seen us go through stressful times and fight not in the best way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think most families are mostly healthy, but that doesn’t mean there are times when it’s not the best.
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amother




Cognac
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 10:11 pm
Happy and healthy [emotionally] are really very subjective words.
I think that you mean secure.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 10:27 pm
My family was mostly happy.

Pro: Parents had a good marriage. I liked all my 8 siblings and we got along well. Close to my older sister.
I was comfortable telling my mother my problems - she did not get angry, and was supportive.

Cons: Sometimes scared of Father who would sometimes yell.
Other times Father affectionate and gave up piggy back rides to bed.

Parents worked many hours at their business and as one of the older ones, I had to take care of myself
and also younger kids (whom I adored).
Went clothing shopping myself at a young age.
Nobody made sure I brushed my teeth, so I usually didn't.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 11:10 pm
Some more things I liked about my family:

1. We like having intellectual discussions, especially about current events, politics. Also the Parshah.
Books. Movies.

2. We like playing board games like Rummykub, Masterpiece, Racko, Boggle, etc.
I still play games with my Mother in her 80s and some sisters.

3. Loved going to the bungalow colony for the whole summer.

4. On Chol HaMoed we would do at least one family day trip, including my father: to the aquarium,
to Astroland Amusement Park, Empire State Building.

5. My parents took us sometimes to a good g-rated movie: Fiddler on the Roof, Sound of Music, Oliver!
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 11:15 pm
Another thing I liked was my Mother was not strict.

If we did something wrong, she would talk to us about it quietly - no yelling or punishing.

One of my siblings was a little "off" socially (still is). Some of us wanted my Mother to
tell her to act more "normal".

But my Mother told me that home has to be a place
where we are safe to "let our hair down" I.e. be ourselves.
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 11:33 pm
I used to view my parents as over-protective but I knew that it was only because they loved us.
We also sang while our parents played the piano or the organ. My mother played better than my father but at least he tried.
Daddy must have taken pictures of everything we did! We were probably funny to watch when we tried to walk the dog and Daddy had to run to keep up.
We didn't have lots of money but we were spoiled rotten by everything that they tried to give us.
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amother




Razzmatazz
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 11:44 pm
Parents got along and always treated each other with respect, mother spent lots of time with us, father too when home from work and on weekends, lots of smiles, positivity, compliments, family time, etc.
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amother




SandyBrown
 

Post Sun, Oct 17 2021, 11:46 pm
My mother used to stick chocolates and love notes into our knapsack and we would find it in school.
She never screamed/ criticized us if we did something that she doesn't approve of. She let us know that we shouldn't do it again, but no anger. That's why I never did anything behind her back and always feel safe confiding in her.
My father has a funny rhyme for each of us and we would add to the collection during shabbos meals.
My father asks a question on the parsha during the shabbos meal and whoever gets it right, makes $20.
My parents always liked when we had fun and if something didn't work out for us, they would go through great lengths to make things better for us.
My mother used to take us out to eat after PTA.
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amother




Acacia
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:11 am
Los of hugs and kisses all around. Lots of "I love yous" and tucking little children into bed at night with a story, shema and a hug. Super proactive when getting kids help (tutoring, therapy, clubs). Amazing Shalom Bayis between parents-never ever saw them argue or fight or exchange nasty words or raise their voices at each other.
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Teomima




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:16 am
On a logistical level my home was a little challenging, when I was little both my parents had very demanding careers and were busy most of the week, but when they had the time we did plenty of activities together as a family. But what made the biggest impact for me was always feeling the love: my parents hugging and kissing me and my siblings, my siblings and I being very affectionate with each other, and me seeing my parents display their love; seeing them kiss each other (a peck, nothing inappropriate) and dance together. That's part of why I am always so mystified by the posts here of women proudly sharing how their kids don't see them hug or kiss, or even the ones who don't kiss their own kids. That obvious and physical affection really made my home feel like a very loving place, and I think a family can manage with most anything as long as everyone feels truly loved.

Last edited by Teomima on Tue, Oct 19 2021, 3:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




SandyBrown
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:27 am
Also want to point out that not everything was smooth sailing. My parents went through many challenges which obviously affected us. But they always tried their best to give us the best childhood. We went on many fun family vacations and would spend long nights playing games. Our home was filled with love and laughter, and at the end of the game that's what stayed in my heart.
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amother




Starflower
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:32 am
Is the purpose of this question to learn to be better parents or just to compare childhoods? Each of us was given our own set up circumstances, for better or for worse.Each of us is commanded to honor and respect our parents ( except maybe in extreme cases) . We are also told not to be jealous about what others had. Comparing parents ( spouses, children, sisters, brothers, etc) will not lead to anything positive for those who might have resentment and for those who were happy, it may be a chance to count one's blessings but each person's circumstances was given to us by Hashem for reasons beyond our understanding . If the thrust of the question is how to be a better parent, then ask that. If it is how to get rid of resentment and deal with the challenges that Hashem has given one, then ask that. But to ask how others' experiences will does not change the past and may lead to negative emotions for some.
Sorry, but this question seems in poor taste.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 12:37 am
Star Flower, I see your point how this thread can make people feel jealous or sad.

But I think it also gives good tips on how to have a happy home, what things people appreciate about
their childhoods after they have grown up.

This is valuable information.
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ImmaBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 18 2021, 6:20 am
I am in complete agreement with Starflower.
I had deleted most of my original post about what it means to be happy and healthy, but now I feel compelled to finish it.
There are so many cultural differences in this concept of parenting, as well as generational differences within the same family.
An entire generation of children of survivors brought up children without having had a childhood themselves, and many survivors therefore opted not to have children at all. The ones who did "did the best they could with the tools that they had".
I think this is true of the children of survivors as well.
But it doesn't stop there- every different culture has its different styles even though there are the obvious basics: parents must always show respect for each other - and the child, I might add, no yelling or belittling, and consequences that fit the misdeed.
Mutual understanding of where a child is at should be a universal value.
Those things create security, and ultimately happiness.
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