Sending a younger teenager abroad

amother

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 4:18 am

We live very OOT and schooling options don't really work for our academically gifted ds.

There is an option to send him abroad to a yeshiva with a dorm. He will be just 14.

How do people do it? First of all I think it is so young. Then there are all the practical issues: who does all the appointments with them? Eyes, teeth, orthodontist etc. have to be checked at least twice a year. And when there are real issues or accidents?

Has anyone done that and how do people make it work?

We are looking into Israel at the moment and it is of course so far that we won't be flying back and forth to fix any trouble.

amother

Outerspace

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 4:25 am

PreCovid I MIGHT have answered differently, but Covid has shown that we can't always get to where we want to be so easily anymore, and be with those we love.

Hatzlocho with your decision - I can only tell you that it was hard enough not seeing an adult daughter living abroad - I couldn't even imagine a teenager...maybe keep him in America?

ETA - when did outerspace become a color!

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 4:39 am

Pre Covid - I know someone that did this.
They had a married DD living in Israel and she and her husband agreed to be his pseudo-guardians if there were any emergencies.
He was in the Naale HS program.
His parents flew in when they could - maybe once a year for each, and I believe he flew home in the summer or maybe for Pesach. I don't remember all the exact details but it worked out very well. The sister loved having him, she had young kids and they all have a great relationship.
The boy became very integrated into Israeli society, served in the IDF and is now an adult, working and in college.

With Covid and the uncertainty I'm not sure I would I would send my child to another country.
At least in the US you can easily fly state to state and be there quickly in an emergency.
Pre-covid, we would start driving to the airport and book the ticket to the US from the car. Can't do that anymore and it would make me too nervous.

B'hatzlacha! I know this is a very hard situation!

salt

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:04 am

There is a program called Naaleh in Israel, which is specially for teenagers making aliya, with the plan in mind that their parents will make aliya later.
Maybe they also cater for overseas students, who aren't necessarily making Aliya.
Maybe someone else knows more about it.

What kind of hashkafa are you looking for in a yeshiva?

amother

Yolk

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I didn't know there were Yeshivas for gifted boys.
What about doing Kodesh in school and then an online program? I have a 14yr old gifted son and he is doing well in Kodesh, there are a couple of other very smart boys in his class and a brilliant Rebbe.
For secular he will soon start preparing for SATs and possible start doing something in coding/programming.

Elfrida

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How do people do it? First of all I think it is so young. Then there are all the practical issues: who does all the appointments with them? Eyes, teeth, orthodontist etc. have to be checked at least twice a year. And when there are real issues or emergencies

Routine medical care like eye exams you would need to schedule for when he is home, at Pesach or in the summer.

For emergencies, and really just for day to day care you would have to appoint someone local as his legal guardian. If the yeshiva caters to boys from different countries they probably have an arrangement already in place. If not, they may be able to advise you about who you could turn to. Either way, he will become a lot more independent than if he stayed at home.

amother

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:29 am

amother [ Yolk ] wrote:

I am not even considering a yeshiva for gifted boys. That would be great. I am considering a regular yeshiva with bagrut in Israel. Because it is already better than what we have here.
My ds does all sorts of extra-curriculars here too but the core school education is bad. These extra-curriculars will have to go too, I guess, if he moves abroad.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:38 am

My daughter did naale. She actually got free glasses through the programme. There was health insurance included, but in three years there was one medical emergency, and turned out no dr where she was took her insurance so we had to pay out of pocket. ($200 or something small).

Schedule other check ups (dentists etc) when he is home for pesach or the summer.

Its really helpful to have a family member in Israel where your son is comfortable going for shabbos, and can help you out in an emergency.

Unfortunately through covid having a child studying in Isreal does not mean you are allowed to visit btw. But this is changing. (but could change again)

If he does Naale there is usually a person in the school to help out with things.

amother

Tealblue

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:40 am

I sent my kids to Israel last year for high school. They weren't allowed to come home for Pesach because of covid which was difficult. I BH have family in Israel who were happy to host them but it still was hard.

My kids loved Israel but didn't really like dorming away from home. BH we are all together again in Israel.

Eye and dental we took care of at home. Nothing happened to my kids having cleanings 9 months apart instead of 6. BH still no cavities. Orthodontist, I found one near school who spoke english.

If I could help, please post other concerns.

amother

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:43 am

amother [ Tealblue ] wrote:

Yes this was helpful.
I don't even know what to ask about. We don't have family in Israel anywhere close to any such yeshivot.
I will keep coming back with questions.

amother

Yolk

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Does he want to go? Do you have family nearby? If yes, he can go for a year, if it doesn't work out he can come back. I know a four girls that have gone (some without relatives) they all did Naale - some secular /some religious - 3 of them stayed and 1 came back.

chanchy123

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 5:56 am

I don't know if this is an option - but it might be worth it for one of you to make Aliyah officialy (I'm not sure what the requirments are) so you will (almost) always have the option of hoping on a plane to see him.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes this was helpful.
I don't even know what to ask about. We don't have family in Israel anywhere close to any such yeshivot.
I will keep coming back with questions.

My daughter was a 4 hour bus ride with changes from her relative. But it was close enough for shabbos visits. Her school happened to up north far away so almost everyone had to travel similar distances for shabbosim off.

amother

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:02 am

amother [ Yolk ] wrote:

He doesn't mind.

Also, is anyone else terrified of possible molestation? Or do I read too much imamother?

I feel like kids are have noone to turn to if there is anything like that happening.

LovesHashem

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:22 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He doesn't mind.

Also, is anyone else terrified of possible molestation? Or do I read too much imamother?

I feel like kids are have noone to turn to if there is anything like that happening.

He can call you if he feels uncomfortable. If you are close and you've trained him from a young age to tell you if anything happens, he will call you.

someone

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:28 am

OP, I am usually the first to be all for people coming to Israel, but I would really give this a lot of thought and check that there is no closer option that would make it possible for him to come home for shabbatot, even once a month. Especially seeing you say that you don't have any close relatives in Israel. To me it sounds too young to send him overseas alone (I have a son that age who has just started dorming in another city and he comes home once every other shabbat, I can't imagine sending him away any more than that). And if you decide to do it, I would strongly recommend sending him to a program that is geared to kids from chutz la'aretz, not to a regular Israeli yeshiva.

heidi

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:36 am

As someone who knows Naaleh well, please do not send away your 14 year old child.
If there are no school options where you live, you as a parent have a responsibility to move with your child to a place that fits his academic needs.
Naaleh in the yeshiva that I'm familiar with is an excellent program.
But nice dorm counselors and a sweet social worker are very poor replacements for parents and family. Unless there is some issue you are not publicizing on this forum that makes it dangerous or unsafe for your child to be home please do not send a 14 year old child to a foreign country alone.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:58 am

We sent a younger child abroad, but the child stays with family (grandparent, parent's siblings). We filled out a stack of papers for a lawyer so our child's temporary guardians could get health insurance.

Look I wouldn't recommend it. If you are on shlichus then maybe you have no choice, but if you're not on shlichus please move to a place where there is appropriate schooling. And please find a boarding/ foster family for your child if you do send.

dena613

Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:09 am

Why do you want to send him to EY? He's not much more than a bar mitzva baby!
If you live OOT in a country with more options, that should be your FIRST choice!
EY, with no relatives nearby, should be your LAST choice!