Home

Disgusted by shul trend of men sitting around kiddush table
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:30 am
in a small OOT community that does a huge kiddush that's essentially what you could call a "community lunch." they'd put out a big food buffet table and organize all the shul tables together for seating.

we had some coronavirus scares and the kiddush went on hold for a couple months. last few weeks, they reinstituted a somewhat smaller kiddush. there's a small-ish but very nice buffet spread. they don't bother organizing the shul tables for a more formal community lunch because a lot of people aren't coming or don't want to stay/linger. but some do stay and there are challah rolls for anyone who wants.

the last couple weeks, men have started sitting all around the buffet table itself to eat and talk and give d'vrei torah. the shul rabbi is part of this, too. I find this absolutely disgusting. coronavirus or not, I just think this is just plain gross, and I'm not a huge germaphobe. I saw guys sticking their own personal forks into communal serving dishes. the buffet table gets filled with dirty used plates and wadded up cholent-stained napkins that guys leave on the table when they depart.

it's totally inappropriate for people to be sitting around a communal buffet table. nobody should be sitting at the table where the buffet is. am I wrong?
Back to top

amother




Amaryllis
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:33 am
Put up a kol koreh
Back to top

shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:48 am
Wrong or right doesnt matter. If you dont like it, tell someone and make the change happen. Simple as that.
Im thinking about the "brachas", as its known in SA, my in laws took part in, every shabbat, and there were always tables people sat at. If people are sitting around the actual buffet table, possibly nobody thought to reinstate the tables for people to sit at. Thats all. Talk to whomever is in charge.
Back to top

amother




Aster
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 7:49 am
Set up another table for seating. Put rudimentary place settings and the like so it's clear, and chairs. Put drinks on the table. And some herring or liver or cookies or whatever. These men clearly need/want a place to sit, to get back to a normal feeling. Give them a way to do so without being around the buffet- they can get their food and then sit down there.
Back to top

amother




Wine
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:02 am
Men.
Back to top

amother




Lightblue
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:06 am
I agree it's gross.
Either request or volunteer to set up another table for them. No point in saying we're not doing it because of corona when they are sitting together anyhow, but now on top of the food.
If they refuse - don't go to the kiddush anymore.
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:07 am
If there’s some thing that is stopping you from addressing this issue with the person who plans the kiddush? It’s time to set up tables again.

If you are turned down, can you just opt out and go home after shul?
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:14 am
How exactly does this affect you?
Back to top

amother




Lightblue
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 8:25 am
Zehava wrote:
How exactly does this affect you?


I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to eat from dishes that a bunch of guys are sticking their own forks into and breathing (maybe coughing, sneezing, or spitting) into.
Back to top

ocean blue




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:09 am
Thats why you need a mechitza LOL
Back to top

amother




Watermelon
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:15 am
amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to eat from dishes that a bunch of guys are sticking their own forks into and breathing (maybe coughing, sneezing, or spitting) into.


Apparently this kiddush is for the guys. And they seem to have no problem with the setup. So OP should really not have a say in this matter. Sorry OP. Don't look..that's typical guy behavior.
Back to top

amother




Lightblue
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:35 am
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
Apparently this kiddush is for the guys. And they seem to have no problem with the setup. So OP should really not have a say in this matter. Sorry OP. Don't look..that's typical guy behavior.


Perhaps you are right, but my impression from the OP is that this is a community kiddush and it happens to be that the men pull chairs around the buffet table because it's the only table so they can talk and give divrei torah.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:40 am
amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to eat from dishes that a bunch of guys are sticking their own forks into and breathing (maybe coughing, sneezing, or spitting) into.

Huh? Since when would you be eating from the guys table?
Back to top

amother




Lightblue
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:42 am
Zehava wrote:
Huh? Since when would you be eating from the guys table?


Unless I have totally misunderstood the OP....

The Shul is setting up a small kiddush. For everyone. A buffet. No other tables. Meant to be stand-up, presumably. But the men, wanting to sit, are pulling up chairs to the buffet table, because it's the only table. Everyone is still assumed to be eating food from the table the guys have sat themselves around.

I guess OP will have to clarify but this is my impression.
Back to top

amother




Lightyellow
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:45 am
Zehava wrote:
Huh? Since when would you be eating from the guys table?

In many communities, men and women eat from the same kiddush table.
Back to top

BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:46 am
Zehava wrote:
Huh? Since when would you be eating from the guys table?


In some shuls, men and women take food from the same table. Scandalous, I know.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:47 am
amother [ Lightyellow ] wrote:
In many communities, men and women eat from the same kiddush table.

Now that you mention it I’ve seen those. But they were way more formal. Can’t really imagine a bunch of guys sitting themselves down at those fancy tables.
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:49 am
BrisketBoss wrote:
In some shuls, men and women take food from the same table. Scandalous, I know.

This is what I was going to say. Many shuls have mixed kiddushes where there is one table and one mixed room. My shul does and no one would ever pull up a chair and eat right off the table, much less right out of the platter.
Back to top

OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:50 am
Zehava wrote:
Now that you mention it I’ve seen those. But they were way more formal. Can’t really imagine a bunch of guys sitting themselves down at those fancy tables.

I am lightyellow, didn't mean to be anonymous. No, many are not fancy at all. Paper tablecloth, styrofoam plates of crackers, big bowls of tuna salad and egg salad. Very basic and casual.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Oct 20 2021, 9:52 am
amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:
Perhaps you are right, but my impression from the OP is that this is a community kiddush and it happens to be that the men pull chairs around the buffet table because it's the only table so they can talk and give divrei torah.


OP here, and this is correct. it's a family/community kiddush. there's only one buffet set up. there's always been mixed-gender seating at this shul. we're very OOT. it's always amusing when very in-town people on here literally can't fathom something like this and make assumptions that this kiddush was just for men.

by the way, my husband is also very clean/neat/organized and was just as horrified as I was.
Back to top
1, 2  Next Recent Topics

Page 1 of 2 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Microfiber or wool-blend men's dress pants
by amother
0 Yesterday at 10:04 pm View last post
Recommend a glass guy for table
by amother
0 Yesterday at 11:28 am View last post
Shul Secretaries
by amother
14 Tue, Nov 30 2021, 10:35 am View last post
Think table cloth , foam? To protect table Flatbush or bp
by amother
9 Sun, Nov 28 2021, 11:22 am View last post
Air hockey table recommendations 3 Fri, Nov 26 2021, 1:18 pm View last post