Regret moving 1st graders school

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:07 pm

My 7 year old was in a great day school last year. They took covid very very seriously and it made me anxious not knowing if she’s gonna be home for two weeks on zoom then in school for two weeks- that happened about 4 times. She was in a mask 8 hours a day and the overall hashgofa was different then ours. Other then those issues she really thrived and grew so much. It’s walkable to our house which really added to our quality of life.

This year my husband felt very strongly about switching her to the school 25 mins away that’s our hashgofa(albeit a much more modern version then we’d prefer). The school has very inexperienced teachers and administration issues, no money and she has to take a van to school that’s not up to normal safety features like working seatbelts. Most parents have issues with the school but they have no other options for where to send, have to send there for political reasons, are too busy to ask for change, are ignorant or just don’t care.

My daughter has been regressing and the quality of instruction and work she’s bringing hime looks like stuff she did 2 years ago. The English teacher is strict and from a foreign country- English isn’t even her first language. She’s made some mean comments to my daughter. The school is montessori inspired so the kids always pick their own seats which I just think is an extra stress and stupid. My daughter thrives on structure and predictability- this new school has neither. She’s been better the last week since we spoke to the admin and teachers about some of our concerns, and I really would prefer not to go back and forth between schools switching her midyear. The kids younger and older are much more refined then at the new school. The new school has weak English and judaics and I just feel like I made such a mistake by letting my husband talk me into switching her. I’m really in denial and it’s affecting my mental health and I’m just so sad. I feel really cheated out of my child’s education and it’s a terrible feeling.

The old school does still have some weird covid policies like kids get to go to ice cream for the class fully complying wearing mask the whole week. I don’t believe children should be wearing masks in school or ever so that was difficult for me. The testing is stupid, the chance of zoom is harmful. And they will probably be among the last school to drop these policies But still, I miss the old school so much:(

How do I get over this? It’s making me resent our hashgofa because of how haphazard this new crappy school is.

mha3484

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:19 pm

If you really feel this strongly I would really consider switching back. She is young enough that it wont have long lasting effects.

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:33 pm

mha3484 wrote:

If you really feel this strongly I would really consider switching back. She is young enough that it wont have long lasting effects.

Yes but she seems to be ok. The regressing is still there but if I do switch her I really don’t want to switch her again if the old school goes more covid crazy. I don’t know why this is so hard for me

amother

Jasmine

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:36 pm

Where you the OP of the weekly update thread? I think that you are expecting too much of either Schools.

mha3484

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:36 pm

Its hard for everyone. You make these choices when they are little that have effects for years socially and academically. Its overwhelming. I get so upset when people tell me little kids little problems. No this is not a little problem. Its a real challenge. You have my real empathy.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:37 pm

Can you give examples of the regressing?

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:46 pm

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

Can you give examples of the regressing?

Bedwetting unless I wake her to pee before I go to bed, nail picking, kvetching more then usually, complaining about her teacher, scared of her teacher, exhausted from the longer day since it’s far away, not progressing in her reading, saying she doesn’t want to go to school the night before. Also in the first month and a half or so of school saying she wants to go back to the old school

amother

Amaranthus

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:47 pm

Its a really tough place to be in. I would try to think long term more than this year. I believe mask wearing is psychologically harmful BTW. That would probably be my top priority. How much will the deficits of each school really affect her?
BTW I went to a super lame, super dumb elementary school OOT. There were years I was correcting the English teacher spelling on the board. (Yes I constantly got in trouble for "chutzpah " when I was just a smart kid bored out of my wits). I have very fond childhood memories and I switched to a larger school for high school with minimal adjustment. I don't believe academics are too important, in the grand scheme of things with a young child. I'm more concerned with atmosphere and emotional health. So that's the metrics I would weigh.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 4:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Those can just be temporary as she adjusts. With all the yomim tovim they barely had school yet this year. I would give it some more time. With regard to reading I find my kids progress more by reading books they like at home. I would speak to school about helping her transition smoother.

gibberish

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 5:05 pm

The hashkafic difference may become a real problem as your child gets older. So think long and hard where you would like your child to be in 10 years from now.
The adjustment will take time and the academic level will even out over time

amother

Yolk

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 5:07 pm

I wouldn't let covid policies be the deciding factor. They won't be around forever.

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 5:11 pm

amother [ Amaranthus ] wrote:

this is really speaking to me. how would I deal with an emotionally disconnected teacher who is rigid and strict? Obviously I really don't want to switch her school and switching it for a bad teacher sounds extreme. We met with the teacher individually and my husband asked me what percentage of what she said did I believe, he said about 65%. I said yea about that or half. I think its pretty sad that we felt she is phony in front of us, and I'm pretty concerned about my child being with her every morning for 4 hours for the next year (especially after speaking to other parents who know how bad she is). She's the opposite of warm and my child is not used to this type of personality. She also knows nothing about Jewish people which I personally think its weird if you're working with all Orthodox kids. I tried to ask her a question about something related to our Sabbath and she made me rephrase it 4 times and she still didn't get it.

Last edited by amother on Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 5:15 pm

gibberish wrote:

this school is the modern version of our hashkafa. There are no examples of how the kids turn out because the school is so new. I can only look at the families who send there and majority of them are much more modern then we are comfortable with. As opposed to the old school which has a variety of different type of orthodox families- and are generally much more simple. I don't want my kids to be a modern version of our hashkafa- it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Very materialistic and all that comes with that. So there really is not an ideal option I guess I figured at the older school my kid will know who they are even though the siddur they're davening from will be a different nusach.

I guess living out of town there is no sheltering your child the way we prefer

amother

Papaya

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 5:25 pm

amother [ Yolk ] wrote:

I wouldn't let covid policies be the deciding factor. They won't be around forever.

Masking isn't going away anytime soon. If op doesn't want her child in a mask all day she is probably better off not sending there.

amother

Azalea

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 5:42 pm

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

Masking isn't going away anytime soon. If op doesn't want her child in a mask all day she is probably better off not sending there.

I disagree. Many schools that enforced masks last year aren’t enforcing this year. And Gd will if with the vaccine rollout for kids around the corner I think masks will absolutely be phased out down the line. It already has for so many places.

OP: this feels like a question for OOTers. It’s sounds like one school is to the right of you and the other iso the left. Right? No school is perfect but you have to make peace with where the school is in relation to parent body, affordability, overall educational ethos, etc. I also would not use covid precautions as a Metric

amother

Oatmeal

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 6:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

These are a big deal. I would strongly consider switching her back. My kids wear masks at school it doesn’t bother them.

amother

Brown

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:01 pm

OP "The old school does still have some weird covid policies like kids get to go to ice cream for the class fully complying wearing mask the whole week. I don’t believe children should be wearing masks in school or ever so that was difficult for me. The testing is stupid, the chance of zoom is harmful. And they will probably be among the last school to drop these policies But still, I miss the old school so much:( "

Your old school cares enough about Klal Yisroel to require masks and testing and THAT is a big part of why you're hesitant to send your child back there? I think you should keep your child in the new school because it seems to fit your Covid hashgofa.

amother

Cyan

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:18 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

The Hebrew word is hashkafa btw there is no gimmel.

amother

Powderblue

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 8:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP, ask yourself this question. If not for Covid, would you have ever made such a switch? If you would have never done otherwise, you're letting Covid define your life. That's not really sound decision making. If you'd have two equal schools with the only major difference between them is the way they handle Covid, a switch would have some sense to it. But choosing a school because their Covid policies is one that you agree with, but you don't really agree with their hashkafa, acadamics and has tougher logistics, just makes no sense.

Covid policies will settle sooner or later. Many schools have already dropped some requirements, and more will follow as time goes on. And from what I've seen, the kids seem to take the covid policies in stride. The ones that seem to have difficulties with it, are generally the ones where the parents make big issues out of it.

Take Covid out of the equation and do what's best for your daughter. Once you've made a decision, figure out a way that you can make the covid issues work for you.

amother

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 9:05 pm

amother [ Azalea ] wrote:

Why wouldn’t you use covid precautions as a metric. I believe in NY, FL and charedi schools this might be true. But I don’t see them taking the mask off anytime soon if they’ve kept it on this long and hve no indicator of taking it off. especially the schools who won’t force the children to take the vaccine

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