I cannot handle my daughter. I'm done.

amother

Starflower

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 10:26 pm

amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:

Yes. These kids hold it together in public and lose it at home where they feel safer. I see this happening time and time again. It happened with my own kid.
I’m in a FB groups for moms of kids with neuroinflammatory disorders. It has 19k members. This exact question comes up at least once a day. Can it still be brain inflammation if my kid is an angel at school, with friends, with grandparents. And hundreds of parents attest that it’s exactly so for their kid too.

This. Everyone including myself blamed me for all of my daughters issues. After all I do have issues myself, so of course it's coming thru to my kids.... until my kid couldn't hold it together at school anymore. Or at social events...

A bit of simple medical treatment the same parenting and all of a sudden I'm the best mother..... yeah right.

amother

Hawthorn

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 10:55 pm

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

Did you ever do a neuropsych eval?

I’m dealing with a very similar situation with my daughter and also at my wits end . We do have a neuropsych Eval scheduled very soon We’ve tried social work and OT and have shelled out a lot of money . I never had her on any meds but will go that route if necessary. Now that we have this neuropsych eval scheduled and it’s really a lot of money I'm hoping it will shed some light and won’t be another waste of money . I’m not even clear what it is can you elaborate what this eval can show ? Thanks

amother

Hawthorn

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:00 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

I’m dealing with a very similar situation with my daughter and also at my wits end . We do have a neuropsych Eval scheduled very soon We’ve tried social work and OT and have shelled out a lot of money . I never had her on any meds but will go that route if necessary. Now that we have this neuropsych eval scheduled and it’s really a lot of money I'm hoping it will shed some light and won’t be another waste of money . I’m not even clear what it is, can you elaborate what this eval can show ? Thanks

amother

Taupe

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:03 pm

OP sorry you are going through this. I have a brother who is like this, but older. He was the most charming kid out of the house and very difficult at home. Then slowly, his issues started showing more- he didn't like his school, switched, didn't want to go to school, smoked... and ppl outside the family started seeing what was going on. He is now in rehab bH. I would really look into DBT since it sounds like your daughter is open to therapy. My brother wouldn't do it because at the point it was brought up, he was already not in the place to want to try something new. Have you looked into DBT
? And I second the neuropsych eval. Dr Mandelman is supposed to be very good in general but probably a good idea to speak to relief resources.

imasinger

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:15 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

The eval can show a lot of detail about how her brain works. What's her processing speed? Does she have any difficulty or above average strength in reading? Interpreting visuals? Hearing and understanding? Vocabulary? Logic? Memory? Perspective taking? What's her frustration tolerance? How's her writing? Math skills? And more.

You can learn a lot from these tests, even if they don't point to a common disorder. And most practitioners can give you ideas of how to work with strengths, and improve or learn to compensate in weaker areas.

amother

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:21 pm

imasinger wrote:

My daughter does well in school BH. This is behavioral. Or emotional. Or something.

How would I get her into a DBT program? We live in Brooklyn.

amother

Daylily

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What doctors deal with brain inflammation? How is it tested? How is it treated?

Actual brain inflammation means either meningitis or encephalitis. This is diagnosed by a spinal tap and brain MRI. Not diagnosed by a naturopath or by a functional medicine specialist. They will take your money and give you plenty of diagnoses of infections and toxins and vitamin deficiencies. Same thing about PANDAS which is brought up on this board all the time. Somehow western medicine can't seem to figure it out but practitioners on the fringe have figured it out? I don't think so.

OP, I'm sorry what you are going through with your DD and family.

You said your DD is the "neurotypical" one. Does that mean she has watched you raise your other children who are not neurotypical? If so, sounds very complicated and very hard.

My DS had been somewhat of a difficult child at a young age. Beyond anything I had experienced with my other children. It got worse through grade school. He was angry and sad and we had to change our expectations and we tried all kinds of things. He's doing better now. I think what helped was time and also a reckoning. He had been to therapy and on meds and those never really helped. His maturing helped and finding a way to relate to him that he felt validated and cared for. He still has his moments but not like before.

Hatzlacha to you. Hope things get better for you and the family.

amother

Stonewash

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:34 pm

amother [ Daylily ] wrote:

Pandas is recognized by plenty of western medicine doctors and is not diagnosed by mri or spinal tap. Dr. Sue Swedo, the first one to discover pandas, said in later years after newer research about autoimmune encephalopathies that pandas was really post infectious encephalitis of the basal ganglia. She’s pretty darn western, worked at the NIH at the time.

amother

Broom

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:35 pm

I did a neuropsych eval with a top doctor for DS with similar symptoms a while back. A lot of money out of pocket. Can't say it was terribly helpful though.

Some ADHD, borderline a few other things. They suggested we take him to a psychiatrist.

He is in a school now out of town and doing very well. I will probably get him a therapist to work through things with but I'm glad I didn't take the doom and gloom neuropsych results to heart.

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:38 pm

Is it possible something is going wrong at home? Not saying these are happening but something to consider, father or brother being inappropriate with her, another relative uncle, grandfather being inappropriate, siblings teasing or hurting her and then covering it up making her always look like the guilty one, or other issues along these lines.

I was a terrible teen. My parents were abusing me that's a story for a different time, but my siblings would hurt me and then if I reacted they would tattle as if I on my own walked over to them and hurt them, when in fact it was the opposite. I was dragged around from doctor to doctor and no one found any answers or reasons for the way I was.

amother

Hawthorn

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My daughter does well in school BH. This is behavioral. Or emotional. Or something.

How would I get her into a DBT program? We live in Brooklyn.

Sorry I don’t mean to hijack thread but I had a question once the neuropsych Eval was brought up . My daughter is struggling academically , Is doing the neuropsych eval dealing with academics or behaviors ? I’m more concerned-about the difficult behavior my daughter has and like OP I can’t have her continue to ruin my household day after day . I want to make sure I’m going the right route .

amother

DarkYellow

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:41 pm

You mentioned that the meds she used to take helped very little, it was probably a low dose or wrong SSRI for her.
It's a big try and fail phase until you find the right medication and dosage to help her.
The right medication can be the lifesaver for you!
I'd say to reach out to a psychologist, or pediatric doctor.
Once her medication is effective, she will calm down and behave like a charm and You will feel like the best mother.
BTDT. Talking from experience, my DC was just like yours before we got to the right dosage.
Hold on tight to the rope, swing along, things will iyh get better.

amother

Carnation

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:44 pm

amother [ DarkYellow ] wrote:

This is why I asked if you tried a mood stabilizer?

amother

Taupe

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:56 pm

In terms of DBT, I would call relief (jewish referral agency) and see who they recommend. I'm not sure if there is a DBT program for kids this age. It could be that there is. I just don't know. If there isn't a DBT program, you would find a good therapist trained in DBT. DBT is very good for these personality type things.

There is an organization based in the 5 towns called madraigos. I'm not sure exactly what ages/ issues they work with and if it would be right fit for your situation but they are lifelines. info@madraigos.org and 516-371-3250.

I'm actually retracting what I said about getting a neuropsych eval because I don't know enough. I feel like this is a case by case thing so I would try to find someone more knowledgeable to ask. Maybe you can ask madraigos or relief

amother

Sat, Oct 23 2021, 11:58 pm

amother [ Carnation ] wrote:

This is why I asked if you tried a mood stabilizer?

She was on Lexapro. They may change her meds.

Yes she has siblings who have special needs.
No I cannot imagine any abuse in our home. Her siblings are all younger and weaker than her. Her father doesn't spend time with her alone really. He actually can't handle her because she yells and screams and hits him and he just retreats into our room and I end up dealing with her. He has severe anxiety. Also on meds.
There are no other males in our home.

Oh and did I mention she wants to go to camp this summer. How can I send her like this????

amother

Stoneblue

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 12:13 am

Op
I feel you. I could've written this word for word. My daughter is almost 10. I'm at my wits end. And on top of all that she is giving her teacher a hard time just like last year and the school keeps pressuring me to have her see therapist who is so so expensive and my husband and I don't want to spend this much money because we do not believe it will help. We're so confused what to do next. Just knowing I'm not the only one is a huge relief for me.

amother

Carnation

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 12:24 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Lexapro is an SSRI. I'm not a psychiatrist or her doctor but from what you describe, she would probably benefit from a mood stabilizer like Lamotrigine which don't work right away but help people and children with rage and outbursts. Ask about it.

amother

Cappuccino

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 12:25 am

amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:

When psych meds and therapy don't work, it's time to check for blood infections. Sometimes a course of antibiotics will do the magic trick

dena613

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 12:28 am

Wow, tha sounds so hard, OP.
I would go back to the psychiatrist who prescribed (because it should be a psychiatrist, not a pediatrician), and describe what's going on and tell them that the lexapro isn't working.
They'll need to try to figure out a med that will.
It may take tweaking and it may take time, but hopefully the proper medication should help her.

amother

Dustypink

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 12:31 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh and did I mention she wants to go to camp this summer. How can I send her like this????

If she does well out of the house I would send her. Some kids need a break from home and they come back a different child. Maybe she's reacting to the high demands of everyone around her ( father with anxiety, siblings with special needs.. )