Gifted children | Imamother

amother

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 9:23 am

sometimes I wonder how common it is. I feel like often people have at least one child who is very bright so is gifted actually very common?

I have a dc whose therapist has mentioned that dc is most likely gifted. Went to parent teachers conference and teacher threw out the same term. We are able to handle the smartness. My husband is very smart and is more then happy to answer any question she has about anything. I'm happy to look stuff up. She's already skipped a grade, academics isn't the issue. She actually does have friends so that's also not the concern.

It's the emotional stuff, seems that gifted children are also more likely to be perfectionists, uptight, feel more... and I'm having a hard time with that aspect even with her being in therapy. She's very self aware and will look back and be like oh that was silly that I got so worked up but during... is quite challenging. I actually relate to her a lot but I'm not sure how to help her Sad

Does anyone have any advice, books, classes... that they have found helpful in terms of parenting?

amother

Feverfew

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 9:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

sometimes I wonder how common it is. I feel like often people have at least one child who is very bright so is gifted actually very common?

There is no one definition of gifted. Every state in the US has its own criteria. In my state, for example, scoring in the 95th percentile or higher on an achievement test or somewhere in the 120's on an IQ test will suffice. This means that 10% of kids or even more might be considered gifted, which is pretty common. But practically, there will be a big difference between kids in the 120's and kids in the 140's, even if the state labels them all with the same label. Also, these tests are just for academic indicators of giftedness and might not capture a child who is gifted in another area, such as music or dance. They might also overlook a gifted child who is "twice exceptional," I.e. has a disability that hampers their ability to perform on tests.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 1:26 pm

Yes the emotional intensity that is part of the package is definitely hard to deal with and I have no good answers. But understanding that it's part and parcel of the composition was very helpful to me... Just that knowledge was comforting.
I think because the kids are so bright and rationale out of the moment is possible, conversations can lead to self awareness and they do get better with time.
I feel like at a certain point it gets harder and harder but then they peak and start maturing and it's not all encompassing any more.

amother

Peony

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 2:04 pm

I want to commend you for recognizing the importance of the childs emotional upbringing. That is great that you are so aware about the childs full spectrum of needs to grow into a well rounded person. I think it is great that you are so intuitive.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 2:15 pm

Kids can have really high IQs, and still have a low Emotional Quotient (EQ). They can also have trouble with emotional regulation.

I'm currently babysitting 5yo and 18mo girls. They are what I call "scary smart". Their mom says that they were both born "already teenagers". The 5yo speaks 3 languages fluently, and the 18mo is catching up fast. (Yet the older girl is still just average in math, social skills, and the other usual kid stuff.)

I definitely think that super smart kids come with their own particular set of challenges. It's a very different kind of special needs, but they have special needs none the less.

Often, "genius kids" level out into average adults and teenagers, so I don't place a ton of importance on how early your baby walks, talks, or figures out how to open the front door.

Zehava

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 2:19 pm

It runs in families. At least two of my kids are gifted and one of them has adhd as well. It’s not about being smart so much just like adhd is not just having loads of energy. It’s a form of nuerodivergence. They/we think differently and respond differently to situations. Emotionally/socially we can also be different in terms of empathy, social skills etc.

amother

Azure

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 2:23 pm

Gifted children can have it very hard.

The world is filled with average people and people who are not intelligent. It's hard dealing with this every single day when everything is so obvious to you!

Gifted children often act out because it's very tiring to keep explaining things or dealing with everyone else's "mediocre" mind.

I'm not using gifted here in colloquial sense. This applies to gifted children who have a very high IQ tested.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 2:41 pm

Correct.
There are certain ideas they have that are so super logical and well thought out that the average worldview doesn't take into account and it gets frustrating for them that there's a lack of logic in the way things are run. That's why many end up insisting on things for the principle of the matter, be social justice warriors, etc because they see the problems very clearly and want them fixed. And then it gets frustrating for them when the world doesn't function in the way that makes the most sense that they have figured out.

Last edited by Hashem_Yaazor on Thu, Nov 11 2021, 3:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 2:59 pm

I find it to run in families. I was a gifted child and now some of mine are as well. I find that they have a very high emotional intelligence too which causes them to understand too much and most adults around them don't know how to relate. Childhood can be rough because of that, but they will thrive as adults. I just keep reminding myself that we will all get through this and they have really bright futures ahead of them.

amother

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 3:36 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

when does it get harder, peak and get easier Wink

amother

Candycane

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 4:01 pm

I keep seeing ads for very-very children and also they have a program for parents of gifted children.

Maybe someone could post the link.

Sounds like what you are describing

Zehava

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 4:04 pm

amother [ Cantaloupe ] wrote:

Their childhood doesn’t have to be rough. There are things you can do right now to make it easier. They can thrive now. Please don’t give up on their childhood! It should and can be a happy, exciting, and carefree time.
My kids don’t have it the easiest in school, but here at home I do my best to create a loving, exciting, and accepting environment. This is their haven. And thankfully they still have their innocence because of it. Please remember that as much as they understand they are still children at heart. The world is still a magical place to them. Do what you can to foster that.

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 4:09 pm

Zehava wrote:

I was referring to school, I can’t really control that. I work with teachers as much as I can but they still don’t handle it well. My kids are thriving and happy but sometimes life is hard.

amother

Azure

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 4:13 pm

Zehava wrote:

This. Don't confuse giftedness with maturity. It's a common mistake to treat gifted children as if they are more mature or as if they should be more mature since intellectually they are at that point, but they are still kids and may behave like kids in every other aspect! It varies a lot.

Zehava

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 4:16 pm

amother [ Cantaloupe ] wrote:

I was referring to school, I can’t really control that. I work with teachers as much as I can but they still don’t handle it well. My kids are thriving and happy but sometimes life is hard.

I hear you on that.

dragoneye126

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 4:47 pm

My gifted daughter shares many of the challenges you described, OP. Like you, I’m doing the best I can, but I’ve learned that I can’t control her school environment, even though I really, really wish I could.

I started implementing the Nurtured Heart Approach a few months ago, and it has really helped to build up my daughter’s confidence. Before she was very focused on performance and comparing her accomplishments to others, which was hard for her when she didn’t succeed. There’s no wonder why it was happening- adults who hear her speak like she’s 20 forget that she’s only 6, so they (and she) expect her to be good at everything. Now she is learning to understand that the qualities that make her special are always there, even if she fails at something.

I’d be happy to share the name of the trainer we used if you think it would be helpful.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Nov 11 2021, 5:04 pm

I have a few gifted kids BH, one of them was the hardest to raise as she was just way smarter than all the adults around.
She went to an ivy league school and has multiple skills to help earn an amazing living.

In general, my gifted kids have always been self motivated and self taught and achieve higher results in all the areas.

On the other hand, they've all struggled with so many social, emotional issues as they have never been on par with their friends.
We had many difficult years and hurdles to overcome.
Now, they are all adults and are overall way ahead of their friends in many areas in their lives.

amother

Cherry

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 5:29 pm

amother [ Candycane ] wrote:

I keep seeing ads for very-very children and also they have a program for parents of gifted children.

Maybe someone could post the link.

Sounds like what you are describing

www.giftedspace.com You can fill in a questionnaire and they get back to you.

Gifted kids tend to experience their entire lives in a more intense fashion. It's not about a regular kid + a high IQ. It's a completely different life experience and affects emotional, sensory and imaginational integration. But there is a LOT you can do about it.