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S/o s/o forced to like a name
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Due you see a strong resemblance in the nature of your child and who they were named after?
Yes  
 33%  [ 35 ]
No  
 42%  [ 44 ]
A little  
 23%  [ 24 ]
Total Votes : 103



amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:16 pm
Do you see the person's personality that you named your child after in your child? I'm talking about a more difficult personality. Please only vote yes if it's a very strong resembles. We are being very pressured to give a name and if we don't there will be serious consequences.
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amother




Birch
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:24 pm
I see a very strong resemblance.
My son is named for my grandfather who I loved and respected but really didn't like the actual name.
My son is my only child: with a cleft in his chin, who is a fantastic baal koreh, who married young.
All just like his grandfather.
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amother




Lightpink
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:25 pm
If you are forced to give a certain name and feel resentful all the time, the child may well pick up on your feelings and develop a difficult personality in response.

If you give the name, do what it takes not to be resentful. Talk it out with the pushy grandparents. But don't let the child be pulled into the drama.
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Success10




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 12:52 am
In situations like these, often the child is named whatever name is expected, but the parents don't actually have in mind to name after the grandparent with the same name. They're just giving a Jewish name, possibly after a Rav or Torah figure of the same name. They don't publicize that, of course. They tell everyone they're naming after Zeidy Dovid.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 1:33 am
I think we jokingly attribute my DD's personality to the Bubby she was named for but she is her own person. I do not believe she has this personality because of who she is named for.
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amother




Dandelion
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 1:57 am
My daughter is a lot like my grandmother in a lot of ways, but some of that is my mother and I also have those attributes.
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amother




Gray
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 5:54 am
I think some names have certain natures regardless of who they are named for. Like all Shimons I know are strong personalities and they're not named for the same people. There is power in a name.
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amother




Mulberry
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 9:45 am
I didn’t vote but I’ve definitely seen some resemblance of ppl having similar personalities to the ppl they’re named after. There’s one name specifically in my family that most of the ppl with the name have a difficult personality. When deciding what to name my baby, one of my siblings said they’re not sure they would’ve given the name... we asked our rav who said it’s bogus though. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
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amother




DarkRed
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 9:52 am
I don't see it.
I'm thinking of all my nieces and nephews named after certain grandparents. Each one is different.
Let's say name is Rachel. I see quiet Rachels and loud Rachels, easy going Rachels and tough Rachels. All named after same grandmother.
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tweety1




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 10:34 am
amother [ Lightpink ] wrote:
If you are forced to give a certain name and feel resentful all the time, the child may well pick up on your feelings and develop a difficult personality in response.

If you give the name, do what it takes not to be resentful. Talk it out with the pushy grandparents. But don't let the child be pulled into the drama.

We didn't end up giving a name because of this exact reason.
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 10:46 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Do you see the person's personality that you named your child after in your child? I'm talking about a more difficult personality. Please only vote yes if it's a very strong resembles. We are being very pressured to give a name and if we don't there will be serious consequences.


I changed one of the two name because of this. My child still has a really difficult personality. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have even kept one name the same, but I asked a rabbi and this was what was advised. Maybe this child just wasn't destined to have an easy personality. Who knows. I try not to think about it too much. What's done is done.
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 11:37 am
All of my nieces and cousins named after a grandmother who was a very difficult person are very difficult children.
One sister added a name, that kid was a very difficult child up to age 4 or 5.

Super stubborn extreme protectionism prone to rage.

I refused to name after that grandmother even though I got MAJOR heat and abuse from my family. One of them even called my dd by the name she was (in her head) "supposed" to have.

Instead I named after a grandmother who was an unbelievable baalos middos. She was the kindest sweetest person I've ever known.
My other children have family names too. I see them having major similarities.
Like one dd, all her cousins with that name have similar body build. Like none of their siblings are like that only the kid with that name including my sil. Average hight and extremely narrow/petite with very very sharp looks. Super pretty too.

All grandsons named after FIL have the same hair color as my fil (including my son. Noone else in mine or a few inlaws family have that color only those boys). They are also super gentle boys (like my fil was) whereas the other boys in the family are more rough-and-tumble kid of boys.
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amother




Phlox
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 1:23 pm
You do realize that this is extremely unscientific? The inherent bias is enormous. You know that Itzikl was named for his grandfather Eizik so you look for resemblances, be they ever so flimsy. And you reinforce them. If he had been named for his other grandfather Doovid you'd find resemblances to him and none to Eizik. So if Eizik was a baal chesed and one day Itzikl lets his baby sister use his markers, you jump and say "look! He's just like Eizik z"l, such a baal chesed!" or ch"v the reverse, if he has a tantrum, you say "That temper is Eizik all over again." You LOOK for resemblances to Eizik. Do you LOOK for resemblances to Doovid? Probably not.
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 1:33 pm
Perhaps some of your kids have similar personalities to their grandparents or great grandparents because they are related? GENETIC!
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amother




Hyssop
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 4:06 pm
No. I named my son Moshe and to date, he hasn't led the Jewish people to the promised land.

We are very disappointed.
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amother




Nemesia
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 4:17 pm
There are only two boys in the extended family named for my grandfather, an unusual name. My son and my cousin’s son (but his is slightly different). They do have his headstrong and stubborn personality, but there are a few traits and mannerisms that only the two of them have, just like Saba. It’s kinda creepy.
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amother




Apple
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 9:16 pm
One of my children was named after a grandfather who had a strong, stubborn personality. He was a survivor and his family struggled because of it.
Our child is very difficult and strong. We asked a shaila about the name because we thought it affected him. We were told he was named after one of the avos. Since he has an avos name, we like to look at those traits. It was a simple solution, to a delicate complicated situation.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 9:28 pm
I don’t believe in the concept of a difficult personality from birth. I think every trait can be channeled for good or bad and nurture plays a big part in that.
That said, while the serious consequences you speak of will likely not last more than a few months or even years, a name is forever. So keep the big picture in mind and don’t allow anyone to control you like that. Your child, your choice. Those pressuring you had their turn to name their kids. Now it’s yours.
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amother




Almond
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 9:36 pm
We named after a great Grandparent (who passed before I could meet them) to honor their child, my grandparent. The great grandparent was said to have had “nerven” (nerves), which I assumed was due to the Holocaust.
However my sibling, who shares the name, has a severe mental illness (or several) which worsened since my child’s birth, and whose actions and bad choices literally ripped my parents and siblings apart. When my child began to have intense behavioral challenges (albeit very very different ones than my sibling and the namesake grandmother Thank Gd) I began to feel an irrational dread that I had doomed my kid, or that the name was cursed, despite not being at all superstitious. (My own siblings all privately refused to use the name for their children.)

DH finally went to a Gadol Hador to ask if we should privately change the name. The Gadol reassured him that this was completely unnecessary and then gave a personal brocho that my child be blessed and have success.

After that I stopped worrying. I don’t call my child by the same name as my sibling though (it’s a two-part name, I use the name the sibling and great grandparent did not.)
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 09 2021, 4:01 am
There's no evidence that a name, in and of itself, will cause a child to take on negative character traits.

If parents decide to bow to that kind of family pressure, it's helpful to come up with a nickname that differentiates their baby from the person they're naming after. It's also helpful to think hard about that person, and see if there are any good qualities they can find.

If yes, focus on those. If the faults are too overwhelming, maybe it's better to stand up to the family pressure; eventually, someone else will have a baby that can get that name.
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