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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
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 Thu, Apr 24 2008, 3:05 pm
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I had the opposite of that. we got a counselor and MOVED.
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chaylizi
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 3:07 pm
| amother wrote: | | happymom@last wrote: | | runaway as in disappeared without telling you? he's only 10, if that's the case then you should get a search team looking for him! |
I'm not sure it would work that way around here. and then if it would maybe social Services would take him away from home? |
yeah but still, if chalila anything happened to him- you would be beside yourself. Maybe casually drop by a couple of places that you think he might have run to.
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shlomitsmum
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 3:10 pm
I feel for you!
But in order to advise you we must get facts.
So your son said he was playing robbers.... Depending on his level of maturity this could be true he could have heard the term "strip search". You don't indicate that besides the unclothing any other contact took place. Molestation usually implies forcing the innocent party into lewd behavior for the benefit of the aggressor.
So please let's not label this child a molester yet ...unless you left some key details out. But I feel that what we call our children is like a decree we issue for them so care must be taken to call them by titles that would be a positive trait. (Just my crazy thought)
A therapist is a must because something or someone is making this child feel so powerless that has led him to do this.
Your boy crossed a sacred line by making someone else feel naked and vulnerable that behaviour is disturbing in it self, but because he is a child it is very important how this situation is handled in the long term. Excessive shaming or unfair labeling can really impact his future male identity, Jewish identity, shidduch etc.
I wish you the best, but also keep in mind that these kind of situations can really make or break a child/parent bond how you react towards him now (warm or distant, kind or harsh, protective of other children) will determine how he feels connected to his family and community. Be firm, be clear, but tell him he is still your boy that while you are mad, sad, disappointed and ashamed you LOVE him and will do whatever it takes to understand and help him to NEVER do this again.
And while you do this please don't forget your OTHER kids too as you want to avoid what I call "the loved when notorious syndrome".
A final thought...
You mentioned that he was acting aggressive so this indicates to me that there were OTHER previous issues there and that this incident is an escalation in his aggressive behaviour not a necessarily sign of early deviance.
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Lilkingdom
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 3:17 pm
op I didn't mean a police search I meant a few family members getting together or make a few calls to find out where he is. its dangerous for a 10 yr old to be alone! there are many molesters out there!
Also I was wondering, hed have to be mighty strong to pin down a 7yr old with one hand and do other stuff wit the 2nd. 8ould it be that the neighbor's son didn't try too hard to escape & played along with the 'cops & robber' game? 3 years younger isn't too much lighter than ur son! plz check out the story before you assume your son a molester.
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amother
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 3:18 pm
update - he ran off to the neighbor's (fenced in) rooftop - he's safe and near home.
thanks for everyone's concern - his kapital is yud-aleph
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zufriedene
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 4:21 pm
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your first concern is the mental well being of your son, get family therapy where u , u'r husband and all siblings are counseled.I would wait with contacting u'r neighbor, till the facts r clear , if this was a game or had some other meaning to it, Never despair, he's only 10 yrs old . with unconditional love, no, u dont tell him, u're mad, u tell him he's loved no matter what!!!, he will handle this with the support of the whole family, u're all there in a united group. He will IMH grow up healthy and mature, and learn to express his frustrations ( if thats what it was), in an acceptable manner, If u have to, consider to move, no step is too expensive or wild to give u'r 10 year old and the whole family the security they're entitled To. U're not alone, keep on posting to keepin touch and hatzlacha rabba!!!!
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amother
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 4:38 pm
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he's home now and we talked a little - he feels loved and is tucked in for the night. Tomorrow will come in time.
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Mimisinger
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 5:09 pm
Sorry, but this is the most bizarre thread. You didn't seem to care that he had run away, etc. This is just too odd.
You need to get your kid help FAST
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faigie
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 5:11 pm
this can get very messy very quickly. if the parents report your kid.
get an attorney, consult him, and get the kid into therapy. like yesterday
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greenfire
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 5:40 pm
not an easy deal - he is young and vulverable too - he will need a lot of help to mold him into a better man - keep in mind this type of aggressive behavior does not come out of nowhere ... you must be sure that nobody has harmed him and that you get as accurate information as possible on the real story ... he is your son and you will always love him unconditionally - try to find a way for him to open up to you and let you help him as well as a therapist who is familiar with this issue ...
and DO keep an eye on him for all the reasons said in other posts including protecting others as well as himself ...
good luck !!!
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amother
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 5:41 pm
| Mimisinger wrote: | Sorry, but this is the most bizarre thread. You didn't seem to care that he had run away, etc. This is just too odd.
| you would too if the kids father threatened to beat you up and you lived around the corner from him.
| Quote: | | You need to get your kid help FAST |
don't I know it!
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Mitzvahmom
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:25 pm
um... that is what getting social services involved will help resolve...
If there are abuse issues... this is not a chinuch this is a social services issue
Please get help for him... and I do agree it's bizzare, I would have been on the phone with the police if one of my kids ran away
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amother
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:30 pm
IF this story is true, you must tell your neighbors. This poor child's parents have the right to know what happened to their son. They then will probably take your son to court. Just because your son is a minor does not give him the right to molest another child.
Also, keep your child away from the neighbors. The parents may want to (rightfully) take revenge against your son.
BTW, your husband or your son's rebbi might be doing something inappropriate to your son. Your son learned this from SOMEONE. The question is WHO.
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Raizle
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:36 pm
| Quote: | | BTW, your husband or your son's rebbi might be doing something inappropriate to your son. Your son learned this from SOMEONE. The question is WHO. |
ouch!
you are right he may have learnt it from someone and the question is who but let's not rush to point fingers at ANYONE!
The mother for sure must investigate it, but I wouldn't be suggesting just yet any particular people.
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Mitzvahmom
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:44 pm
| amother wrote: | | Mimisinger wrote: | Sorry, but this is the most bizarre thread. You didn't seem to care that he had run away, etc. This is just too odd.
| you would too if the kids father threatened to beat you up and you lived around the corner from him.
You need to get your kid help FAST | don't I know it![/quote]
did anyone else read this???
She just said that the father has threatened to beat her up.. This is an abusive relationship, a therapist and a social worker need to get involved ASAP!!
OH and I am going to say this.. Did anyone notice that when we doubted the poster, all of a sudden she had an abusive husband (ex?) around the corner???
I am sorry this really does not seem real..
Last edited by Mitzvahmom on Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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cassandra
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:45 pm
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I think she meant the father of the boy who her son touched threatened her.
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Raizle
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:47 pm
I think she meant that her son ran away because the father of the 7 year old threatened HIM not her.
that shouldn't mean she should be any less concerned but maybe the concern is there just not showing through the posts. Not everyone is good at expressing themselves in typing.
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Mitzvahmom
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:47 pm
A. she was not worried that her son had run off..
B. I agree the child has learned it from somewhere..
C. he's tucked into bed at 5:00 PM???
Something is fishy... or he's tucked into bed 12 AM (israel time??)
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Raizle
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:51 pm
| Mitzvahmom wrote: | | A. she was not worried that her son had run off.. | I just wrote above that not everyone is good at expressing themselves through typing. Its a conclusion drawn from how you are reading her posts that she is not worried. I find it hard to believe she wasn't worried.
| Quote: | C. he's tucked into bed at 5:00 PM???
Something is fishy... or he's tucked into bed 12 AM (israel time??) | maybe she lives somewhere else
there are other time zones besides israel and the USA.
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Mitzvahmom
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Thu, Apr 24 2008, 6:58 pm
Sorry if I come off as rude...
But lately I have seen so many people claiming abuse and using the system so it frustrates me and almost infuriates me that this woman..
She can see that her son has a problem, and she sits back and says I know he is ok. He's tucked into bed and feels loved and secure..
For me, I would feel better knowing that she's actually talking to a counselor. Trying to make plans so that this child can be taken care of before it could g-d forbid be worse..
I feel for her I really do, but it's the lack of wanting to do something. maybe your right and she's unable to voice her self online.
This just reminds me of other amother posts, that are not really what they seem.. make sense?
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