help!! my ds molested the neighbor's son! WWYD?

Raizle

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 7:03 pm

I agree that the way she writes it does sound funny but I think its just a style of writing.
she writes he is tucked in and then writes tomorow will come. Sounds like she is saying that there is nothing she can do right now so she will deal with it in the morning.
actually I think the title is stange too but again could be a style of writing.

Tefila

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 7:49 pm

Quote:

yes I agree with the above. ideas like these don't show up in a vacuum. you need to take care of your son- so that no one touches him inappropriately & he doesn't do so to anyone else.

1. Not at age 10 anyways
2. IMHO this whole thread so far has not convinced me it's for real, it is sounding more bizarre by the moment Rolling Eyes

Mimisinger

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 7:51 pm

I hope it didn't happen. G-d forbid anyone should experience this. However, what SICK individual would write it if it weren't true? On the other hand, it sounds like the OP has major issues - herself and her son. Totally sick.

Mimisinger

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 7:53 pm

Oh and btw, it's all very nice how everyone is being so PC with OP. However, if this were chas v'shalom my ds that were molested, the molester BETTER RUN. No matter the age. Chas v'shalom and all that. I'm so mad that everyone is being so pc about this. This child that was molested can be scarred for life - as can the molester. Both have to be dealt with now. It seems as though OP is a little too lackadaisical for my taste.

qeenB

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 7:55 pm

to the op I went to a session in crown heights were they had Dr David Pelcovits speak about this particular issue and how we can protect our children. he said that one of the signs of abuse is when a child will aggressively do something of this nature usually to someone younger. most kids will at time do this type of stuff and its normal as long as it is in a non aggressive way and with kids their own age. if your son really did do this to the other kid it is definitely a red flag and you should speak to a place like ohel where they deal specifically with these issues and will see if your son was really abused and can try to figure out by whom. as for the neighbors I think if you tell them that you are dealing with it they will probably just let it go. hatzlacha rabba

chaylizi

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 7:55 pm

Tefila wrote:

Quote:

yes I agree with the above. ideas like these don't show up in a vacuum. you need to take care of your son- so that no one touches him inappropriately & he doesn't do so to anyone else.

1. Not at age 10 anyways
2. IMHO this whole thread so far has not convinced me it's for real, it is sounding more bizarre by the moment Rolling Eyes

why would she make it up anonymously?

Barbara

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 8:31 pm

Mimisinger wrote:

Oh, no question. Chas v'shalom, I have no question on earth that my dad (not my DH) wouldn't leave a member of the family alive if this were my kid.

I'm not saying that's the right thing, though. Do you recall the case in Connecticut where the guy thought his neighbor had molested his son, broke into the house, and killed the guy. It turns out that the guy was completely innocent. Plus, of course, you have to remember that this is a 10 year old kid. You're not going to give up on him, esp if he himself was abused.

I agree that the OP is lackadaisical, if this is real (and I've had my doubts from the start). The fact that the boy's father threatened to beat her DS up should have made her *more* frightened by her son's disappearance, not less so.

Crayon210

Tue, Apr 29 2008, 9:09 am

OP asked me to post the following:

amother wrote:

Since this incident where my ds was the "villian", I've be made aware that such things don't start from imagination of a child and aren't made up by him, but are always the result of having been molested by someone else. (In my case, it seems to be yet a 3rd child, and who knows just how long the chain can be?)
That's important for everyone to know.
The chain in all these cases can be broken and stopped, and not reach more and more unfortunate children, only by treating all those involved and also by following the chain to its source - an adult that needs to be put under lock and key to protect the innocent public.
Should this should ever happen to you, ch"v - on either side of the act, whether the "instigator" or the "victim", please know that both children are victims and deserve an attitude of compassion and the appropriate professional care.

nafka-mina

Wed, May 07 2008, 6:00 am

Crayon210 wrote:

OP asked me to post the following:

amother wrote:

I agree that when this happens one time, it's probably a sign that the child is indeed a victim himself. However, if it repeats itself, he's the perpetrator and not an innocent victim anymore, which is why posters are urging you to take care of it now. I think Ohel is a good choice, if you live in the NY area. They deal with it from the Frum aspect, as well as the psychological one.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Wed, May 07 2008, 6:46 am

OP: Thank you - not in NY but have found ref's and am starting to deal with it all.
(yes, this was only a one-time episode, but it really threw both me and them.)

[dh doesn't get "thrown" by anything or take care of things, either, if you were wondering.]

Motek

Thu, May 08 2008, 1:19 pm

How do you know her son was a victim?

Things are assumed here and many of the posts here seem unhelpful.

A 7 year old said ... a 10 year old said ...

And based on this posters are recommending family therapy and hiring an attorney?!

"Touching him all over" - do you know what that means? I don't.

not knowing where the child went and not seeming to care seemed mighty weird

summary: not enough info

amother

Sun, Nov 01 2009, 4:01 am

Raizle wrote:

yes, you were right and BH we did deal with it the next day. AS it turned out, this was an isolated incsident brought one by some incidents involving a 12-yr-old neighbor who had gave him these ideas. Ds had therapy and and doesn't have anything to do with either of these boys now. He seems now very normal and well-adjusted and we were able to put it behind us, or did we?

I wanted to bring an update now, since there's a sequel to this:

a good friend of mine is a teacher and has contact with one of the boys in this other family. She knows the whole story form me (there were also witnesses to my son's beating by the parents at the bus stop 2 days later).
The school psychologist goes on and on about how much she needs to help this poor child who is apparently neglected at home, but all the school psychologist sees is what "amazing mechanchim" his parents are (yeah, right) - all because I chose not to go to the police to file an assault charge and instead hushed the whole thing up.

what now? still nothing? or what? (an assault charge can be filed up to 7 years after the fact.)

shosh

Sun, Nov 01 2009, 5:13 am

It depends whether the following would be achieved:
1. Giving your ds a sense of closure that the original perp was caught and dealt with.
2. Would filing a charge prevent danger to other kids from this boy? Is the other boy receiving therapy? If not, filing might actually help him.

Ask yourself this and add to the list anything else positive that may be gained from it.

mimivan

Sun, Nov 01 2009, 5:44 am

In any case, I think you have to ask a rav before going to the police.
It isn't just about blackening someone's name (I think chareidim tend to view the courts as all about "revenge" and therefore, unkosher)...it's a question of society making these parents' actions as a model of how these situations should be dealt with in future. If adults can just go beating kids up, then there is just vigilante justice all over the place.

Do you want their actions to become the standard in your community?