Imperforate hymen | Imamother

amother

Stoneblue

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 9:44 am

I have no experience with the surgery, but I was born with this. It was treated when I as very young with hormonal creams. I don't think that's advised nowadays and I blame some of my hormonal imbalances on that.

I don't think it's a big deal surgery. It sounds pretty simple. But I'm not talking from experience. Hatzlocha!

advocate

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 10:04 am

I see this was a topic a couple years ago, and that a pediatric gynecologist was mentioned.

Can you reframe/minimize the embarrassment - it's just like if a person had appendicitis...Many Imas on here have talked about how to answer (invasive) questions about medical conditions. "Shprinta will be a out of school for a few days because she is having minor surgery to...."

And/or this surgery not only is important for her life, but paves the way to the future when she may/will want to be a mother.

From what I glean, it's very good news that this was discovered and addressed relatively early in life.

She should have an easy recovery, blossoming self-confidence, a growing connection to Hashem, and a happy, fruitful life!

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 10:11 am

She's embarrassed because she's 10.

It is actually a very minor surgery. Explain to her that the doctor sees this kind of thing all the time and isn't thinking about it at all.

It's necessary for her health and anyone asking invasive questions about her surgery doesn't deserve a response. All she needs to do is say skin surgery if she even bothers to respond at all. The end.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 10:24 am

I dont know what led the doctor to give your daughter this diagnosis but hopefully it was before she started having her period. My daughter was only diagnosed after she had had her periods for over a year and the accumulated blood that could not leave her body was causing her pain. The surgery itself didn't take that long - there was pain afterwards - she was on meds - and she returned to the dr's office a couple of days later to have removed the padding that had been inserted. There was minor residual bleeding for maybe a couple of weeks. The unfortunate thing is that she had to have this surgery repeated again. The area didnt close up entirely (she could still menstruate normally) but it was discovered that scar tissue (I think it was) had grown over the opening. So definitely discuss with the doctor a plan to avoid this from happening. He may advise her to use tampons for her period or use them at other times in such a way to prevent this scar tissue from forming.

Please reassure her not to be embarrassed - she didnt do anything wrong; she was born this way. Treat her to something special afterwards and praise her for her maturity.

And her siblings never knew anything about it. No need to tell other people.

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 12:17 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Thank you for responding. She was having severe stomach pain. They did ultra sound and saw she's on her period but the blood can't come out. Can I ask how old your daughter was when this happened to her? Did she have to stay over night in the hospital?

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 12:27 pm

She was 13. She did not have to stay overnight in the hospital. I did sleep in her room that night in case she needed me, and to help her if and when she needed to use the bathroom so that she didnt accidentally remove some of the padding the doctor had placed inside. We actually were sent to the er because her doctor was concerned about appendicitis. Luckily there was a doctor available who had done this procedure before.

amother

Quince

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 12:54 pm

Wow, OP, my heart goes out to your daughter!

I had a thick, huge septate hymen that was only discovered 3 weeks after my wedding. It's the same kind of surgery to get that removed. I think imperforate takes longer to heal though - maybe 6 weeks instead of 3. It took me 3 weeks to fully heal and be able to have s*x and do bedikos again. (But obviously your daughter won't need to worry about that - healing to just be comfortable sitting down should take less time.)

I had the surgery when I was married 6 weeks at 21 years old. I have no idea what it is like to go through it at such a young age!!!

I was terrified of hospitals, but the nurses were so nice and understanding when I was freaking out right before the surgery. They put an IV in my arm, which I was terrified of initially but it didn't end up hurting. I'm just scared of needles. Then they eventually led me to the surgery room and I lay down on a table and waited. Next thing I knew, I was waking up groggily in a recovery room and the surgery was over! Took a few hours for the full anesthesia to wear off, and I had a pad soaked with blood underneath me when I woke up that grossed me out, but I just took it easy for a few days. I used a neck pillow for airplanes under my tush in the car for nearly a week because otherwise it was too painful. And I took Advil and stayed home and cried when the stitches hurt (they tighten over the first few days as the wounds heal). But after a full week, I felt much better! Was mostly back to myself.

It's an important surgery - especially for an imperforate hymen, which is so much more severe than what I had. You'll need to be there for your daughter a lot and comfort her, but you should know that it is definitely a routine surgery and is not so bad!

Hope that helps!

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 12:54 pm

amother [ Azalea ] wrote:

I didn't have that condition but a different "private" condition, and can I suggest that you allow her to talk it over with a therapist. It's normal to have a lot of feelings about such a procedure.

Can I please ask you how old you were? Can I ask you what you wish your parents had done to make you more comfortable? Also, I'm not sure she'll feel comfortable speaking with a therapist. Maybe I should speak to a therapist who can guide me as to how to help her.

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 12:58 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

We also went to hospital thinking it was her appendix. They wanted us to sleep over night and do surgery the next day, but my husband was adamant we get a second opinion so we left. Not sure that was the right thing to do though. Bh her pain is gone now but we need to figure out how to solve this asap and I don't want to emotionally hurt her. She's 10!! Can I ask how old your daughter is now? Maybe they can speak? Or maybe it's not a good idea, im not sure.

amother

Azalea

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I was 10.
I think I needed my parents, as well as the doctor, to validate how difficult it was for me, instead of trying to minimize it (as some posters here are suggesting). To give lots of empathy and emotional support. And to listen. If she won't feel comfortable with a therapist, then it would definitely be helpful for you to get professional advice on helping her.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 2:12 pm

amother [ Azalea ] wrote:

Also, please don't praise her for being "brave" or "mature". She didn't ask for this, and also it can send a message that brave, mature people let other people hurt them "over there". (Sorry if that was too explicit)

Don't agree with this at all. I cannot imagine how it would send a message that brave people allow others to hurt them. She can and should be praised for enduring this in a stoic and mature manner. Things happen to people they have no control over and when they successfully deal with it, they should be praised.

I think that bringing up the idea of a therapist can make things worse. Take this in stride; don't get emotional about it around her. Speak to her about it matter-of-factly. How about your own gyn? Can she or he perform the surgery? If your doctor is not comfortable doing so, I'm sure she can recommend a colleague who will.
When does she have off for vacation? Try to schedule it for then if possible.

amother

PlumPink

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:32 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Over vacation? No.
Bad enough to have to have surgery, also missing vacation is unfair.
My mom used to make our dentist appointments on midwinter as she couldn't take off work for both. It felt like the worst at that time.