Infant ear piercing - mutilation?

amother

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:03 pm

I know this varies culturally so I ask you to respond what you personally feel about it, not what everyone else does.

I just had my first daughter so I’ve been thinking about it.

In my circles EVERYONE pierces their baby’s ears. In an urgent fashion. Usually the day they get back from the hospital. Certainly in time for the kiddush.

Why then does it feel wrong to me? Maybe not ‘wrong wrong’ but certainly not very right. Am I mutilating my baby non consensuall bc us parents think it’s pretty? Why not wait until she’s a preteen/teen and she asks for it?

I know I can just not pierce but I’m wondering do others feel the same?

(As a note, if I end up forgoing she will be the only girl in her school without pierced ears)

sky

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:07 pm

For me personally I wouldn’t put my kids through it without them wanting it.
I couldn’t hurt them in that way for ‘beauty’
And I believe babies are beautiful as is. There is something so pure about a baby.

I wait for them to want it. Explain it will hurt. And if they still want it they can get it. So far they all asked at around age 5-7.

allthingsblue

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:08 pm

sky wrote:

Precisely how I feel

Sewsew_mom

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:09 pm

It hurts as much as giving them medicine. And than they never remember again.
I don't recall anyone having long term trauma because their mother pierced their ears at
2 weeks /2 months old.
But I'm not up for arguing this is just my opinion.
I have 3 girls and pierced and never regretted it.

bsy

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:10 pm

sky wrote:

Same. My daughter asked when she was almost 4 and knew it would hurt.

amother

Daisy

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:10 pm

If you get the “painless” ones, they hardly hurt(the hole is extremely thin). Also if you get it done when they’re still a baby it hurts way less (since the tissue is so thin). The younger the better. Some newborns even sleep through it. So you might be doing your child a favor in a way since they’ll definitely want it eventually. So I would say it’s just as much “right” as it is “wrong”. Hope this helps.

imasinger

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:10 pm

There's a lot to be said for doing it young.

Easier to care for, quick healing, social norms, etc. If you're good about caring and cleaning properly so as to avoid infection, it's not "mutilation", or even painful -- in the piercing, or in the having.

There's also nothing really wrong with waiting. Some girls might never want ear piercing, and decide for clip-ons, which are more comfortable than they used to be, or nothing.

Java

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:13 pm

sky wrote:

This is how I feel- you articulated it really well. Thank you

amother

Steelblue

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:15 pm

If you have a personal thing against peircing dont. But please dont say its because you dont know if shes gona want it! Have you ever met a girl who doesnt want earrings!

amother

Hotpink

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:16 pm

It's completely cultural. I think we like to believe that babies don't feel pain, but they do. Overall, it's not harmful.

In my world, piercing a baby's ears is considered low class. Babies are perfect as they are. But again, it's completely cultural. One of my adult daughters still hasn't pierced her ears. The others got them pierced as tweens. Whatever works for you.

amother

Yellow

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:16 pm

Definitely not everyone wants it. My sister doesn't. I have 3 teenage and up nieces, and only 1 has her ears pierced.

Centrist orthodox here, where the norm is to have them pierced, but if I cared enough to notice, I would probably see that there are plenty of women and girls who choose not to.

Not a fan of babies' ears being pierced. Minimum age, they have to ask for it, although being the horrible mommy that I am, I made mine wait until I knew they knew what they were asking for (before bas mitzvah).

amother

Jean

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:18 pm

I just pierced my 11 yr old's ears because it was infected and we needed to allow the holes to close and re-pierce.
It's much easier to do it when they're newborn!!!!

amother

Mistyrose

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:21 pm

sky wrote:

This is us. My girl just turned 7. She’s been asking for it on and off since she’s 6. Well likely do it in a few weeks. She’s not the only girl in her class but she wants it. It’s her decision to make

amother

Mulberry

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:23 pm

amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:

If you have a personal thing against peircing dont. But please dont say its because you dont know if shes gona want it! Have you ever met a girl who doesnt want earrings!

Yes, I have met girls who don't want earrings. That being said, mine were pierced when I was a baby and I'm glad. If I had a girl, I would pierce them when she's a baby. I just think it's the best time for piercing. And if she doesn't want to wear earrings when she's older, she doesn't have to.

amother

Mulberry

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:26 pm

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Genuinely curious- what "world" is this? I've never heard of this view.

greengrapes

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:30 pm

Just piercing my 4 week old baby's ears, she hardly cried. Basically slept right through it. Calling it mutilation is having a very very large imagination. She cries way harder whenni change her diaper

BrisketBoss

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:30 pm

amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:

If you have a personal thing against peircing dont. But please dont say its because you dont know if shes gona want it! Have you ever met a girl who doesnt want earrings!

I have never gotten my ears pierced. I'm not ruling it out forever, but I have no immediate plans.

amother

Hotpink

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:37 pm

amother [ Mulberry ] wrote:

Genuinely curious- what "world" is this? I've never heard of this view.

MO, not American. Again, these things are arbitrary.

amother

Gladiolus

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:37 pm

In my family, we don't pierce until Bas Mitzvah, when the girls has "ownership" and responsibility over her own body, and it's her choice, not something being done to her.