I'm concerned about her. This is so not healthy.

amother

Tuberose

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 5:54 pm

OP kids with certain brain based differences will restrict themselves to foods that give them a neurochemical fix. Gluten and dairy peptides attach themselves to opiate receptors In the brain when they reach the bloodstream partially digested. This is subtle, subconscious and not something they are aware of but kids can literally become addicted and then reject other foods that don’t give them that same fix, the same way kids get addicted to screens and then sitting in class is “boring” and can’t hold their attention.

Other reasons kids restrict themselves this much are related to ocd. One of my children had intrusive thoughts about animals and animal protein and couldn’t bring themselves to eat animal based proteins after that. They did not articulate this to me, I don’t think they were even aware of it themselves, but this is what I was able to piece together from a lot of different pieces. This was in addition to craving carbs and needing that fix. Both of these explanations tie back to brain inflammation. Is she otherwise neurotypical? Any other signs of anxiety or ocd? These can be hard to pick upon sometimes, but often present as rigidity, inflexibility, obsessions, fears and phobias, meltdowns, etc.

(Are you the OP of the child with poor table manners a while ago?)

amother

Tuberose

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 6:02 pm

amother [ Arcticblue ] wrote:

Can someone tell me why gluten free pasta(regular not quinoa lentil...) is healthier than regular?
At least the wheat products are enriched with some vitamins...

At the most basic level, gluten is an inflammatory food and contributes to systemic inflammation. Ronzoni gluten free pasta may not be healthier in the sense that it’s more nutritious, but for people with a high inflammatory load, less gluten means less inflammation. Obviously rice, quinoa, lentil and chickpea pasta are also more nutritious in addition to being less inflammatory. And ok, vitamins used to enrich wheat are actually harmful for you, and are hardly metabolized properly. Wheat is also one of the most heavily sprayed with glyphosate crops in the US, and glyphosate destroys gut junctions and the gut microbiome, in addition to being neurotoxic, endocrine disrupting and carcinogenic.

amother

Tuberose

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 6:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm concerned that she is not getting enough nutrition, vitamins and minerals. I kept quiet about it for a while thinking maybe it was a stage but it's getting worse not better.
She never used to be so picky. She used to eat eggs and that was the go to if she didn't like supper now she won't eat that either.
She is neurotypical, no ocd, maybe a bit anxious.

Can you describe how her anxiety presents?

amother

SandyBrown

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 6:24 pm

I would not ban pasta. And don't force her to eat whole wheat or Quinoa. I pretty much grew up eating pizza and pasta and cheese. And honestly would still eat that every night if I didn't know better....but obviously I do. Maybe try to make a compromise that she also eats an egg or yogurt with it. Try to cut up some veggies and encourage that. I don't think forcing her to eat something or banning foods will help in the long term.

amother

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 6:27 pm

Her anxiety presents as worrying about things or people.

She eats some vegetables here and there.

Interesting that your suggesting a power struggle. I had taken a back seat about for so long so that it wouldn't be a control or power struggle but that didn't help either.

She knows what's healthy and what's not and I've never pressured any of my kids in any direction. I don't expect perfection at all. We have snacks and desserts, we have healthier and less healthier supper's, she's not deprived, there are so many options.
I asked her to make a list of foods she likes and she couldn't. She just complains when there's supper and makes herself her own pasta fix.

amother

Tuberose

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 6:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Worrying about people or things is very vague. But anxious brains are anxious brains. High arousal brains, sympathetic nervous system skewed will else to restrictive intake. She may have a whole world of intrusive thoughts going on that you may not have picked up on. Then again, I may be off the mark. ARFID may be a helpful term to look up in terms of presentation, but it’s a wastebasket in terms of root causes.

amother

SandyBrown

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 6:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

.

So why are you so worried about what she is eating? If she eats veggies and has pasta and cheese I don't think its terrible. One of my daughters pretty much eats like that...I feel like they have protein and calcium from the cheese and they have some veggies for nutrients. Forcing other foods won't work and she won't eat whole eat and will then just starve. Maybe you can give a multivitamin too.

amother

Tuberose

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 7:26 pm

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

I think the author is Ellyn Satter. It's a great book for picky eaters.

I don't know how much it will help if there is anxiety, inflammation, etc going on.

Ellyn Satters approach worked great for my kid who needed to learn safety around food, his own hunger cues and independence and trust in feeding himself. It did NOT work out well for my child who restricted out of anxiety/ocd/neuroinflammation . And backfired badly.

I’ve learned since that processed foods that create addictive loops completely override our inborn intuition about appetite, satiety and variety.

amother

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 7:31 pm

We do Intuitive Eating in this house. Every meal has a bunch of options. She wasn't always picky. She used to eat all kinds of food. It's only lately (last 2 years let's say) that she will only eat the white starch with or without cheese. On shabbos night she eats a piece of chicken and only mostly eats the skin. She eats vegetables maybe 2 times a week. For breakfast she eats cereal and milk. School lunch is the same thing a pasta dish or the white carb option.
She used to eat hamburgers, meatballs, meat sauce, shnitzel, chicken, steak, Chinese chicken, eggs, yogurt, cheese. She never ate fish. Which I understand. Now she eats, bread, pasta w cheese, pizza, potatoes, farfel, white rice, cereal, milk, once a week skin and some bit of chicken.
I always believed that children who are not forced will eat intuitively, but this experience is making me doubt my whole approach.

Whoever asked about her table manners, she's got no issues in that area. Very polite.

torquoise

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 7:50 pm

Op I totally relate
I have a preteen similar to that. I wish I could tell you what worked, but we're not there yet. I could tear my hair out every time a food is suddenly on the "I don't like this" list. Aaaarrgh. It is so stressful.

It's probably something biological/neurological, and I'm still researching to see what we can do about it

Here are some things in the meantime that at least helped a little.
- we bought a Ninja smoothie maker ($50 on Amazon) and I try to make sure we have frozen fruit and yogurt stocked. She likes making her own smoothies for breakfast.
- I have paid her $1 to try a new food, ex strawberries, and told her it's ok if she doesn't like it, she'll get the dollar anyway. Of course, I do this when the strawberries we have happen to be mouthwatering, sweet, yummy strawberries.
- the thing you tried with cookbooks - at first my daughter also chose all the carbs and pastas. But a year or two later, she is more mature and likes to help more. In a moment of maturity, she offered to make a supper menu. I told her thank you so much, and said the menu should include a protein and a vegetable. She managed to find recipes that fit that criteria. Maybe it's a maturity thing? I'm hoping this will give you hope.
- as she gets older, her friends are starting to bring salads and healthy lunches to school, so it became a cool thing. She won't touch salad, but the idea of vegetables is percolating in there...

I hope I don't sound judgemental, but one thing I would ask myself is- is the food you cook very good? Like when people come over and eat, do they compliment, ask for recipes, etc?
My mom was also super healthy, and likes bland, boiled food. By 9 years old, I gave up on ever liking her food, and basically just survived until I had my own home and can cook with flavor (and fat and sugar, in moderation.) It sounds like you've taken a very accepting and reasonable approach with your daughter, but is there any way for you to sit down with her (or go out for ice cream) help her focus on the positive and find SOME things she likes? Even one vegetable?

Good luck and hugs, it is so hard, and I hope you find a glimmer of hope.

amother

SandyBrown

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 8:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She really sounds like my daughter. She won't even eat most of the foods you listed that your daughter does. She used to eat more but became pickier as time went on. I cook very child friendly and yummy foods but she won't touch it even though the other kids do.

amother

Tuberose

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 8:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I use to believe this too until reality proved otherwise. At least for my kids. It seems to work well for some kids. It went against my own good sense, but I needed to start having a very different approach about eating. I still don’t force, and try to incorporate as much of ellyn satter/intuitive eating as I can, but like I said upthread, once kids are exposed to certain option, kids with certain wiring will restrict themselves to foods that give them a fix, and it’s not something that I can just accept. Especially because it’s a vicious cycle.