S/o checking kids clothing tags

amother

SandyBrown

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:05 pm

amother [ Canary ] wrote:

There’s something called milking a child for information. It’s inappropriate and impolite. It’s not okay to ask inside information from a child just because you’re curious. The point is not if she’s asking about a new car or on something else. Just don’t milk kids for information to fill your curiosity.

100%.

And some things are spoken about to help draw child into conversation not just to satisfy morahs curiousity.

What about when we discuss news after the weekend?
Who went to the zoo on chol hamoed?
Yossi did you build a sukkah in your house?
Did you go to shul?

I agree with not milking a child. But little kids do share and parents should be aware of this before sending their little children out.

A class of 2 year olds is interacrive and is teacher led.
I would never judge a child. Full stop.

amother

Forsythia

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:10 pm

I babysit 1.5-2 year olds, and I've occasionally checked kids tags when I specifically liked an outfit and wanted to know how to find it online. They're babies, sit on my lap, I change their diapers, etc. But I do ask before "can I see something in your shirt a second?" I once had a child shrug- they didn't want, so I didn't. But otherwise, for that age, I don't really see an issue with it.
And no, I never treated someone differently based on the brands they wear. I've had the cutest kids with the shlumpiest clothes, and the opposite, too. Kids are kids and everyone has a different taste.

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:10 pm

I think this thread is hilarious and could only exist in an imamother universe. LOL

I have literally never ever heard of anyone checking labels of children's clothing for any reason - even the "benign" one of trying to determine who made it. For what purpose since it is unlikely that outfit would be in the store at that point anyway.

Come on - if one literally thought the outfit was so cute then one would have no compunctions about asking the mother when she came to pick up or drop off.

Clearly it is without doubt something only a yenta would do and then seek to justify as somehow "normal" and not a violation of boundaries..

On the other hand a teacher or other caretaker who does it is not setting the child up for not being able to differentiate inappropriate actions of a s*exual predator or pedophile because we have already let the child know that the kind of casual touch by a teacher or babysitter is appropriate.

On the other hand one of the funniest books I have ever read had several pages which described the compulsive actions of the Esker sisters who couldn't help but turn over every tchotchke they encountered to see the "mark" on the bottom. It so reminded me of my aunts that I died laughing remembering them fondly - they didn't have evil jealous thoughts but they were inveterate antique and thrift shoppers who were always on the prowl and they just couldn't resist figuring out the mark.
🤷🏼‍♀️

amother

Bronze

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:11 pm

amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:

Yes then it isnt nice. I agree.

There are lots of things you wouldnt do to an adult but you would do to a child..
I wouldnt call it taking advantage though.
That makes it sound bad. And a red flag

But it is taking advantage, and bad. Teachers saying that it's an ok thing to do, that's a red flag.

amother

Bronze

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:16 pm

amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:

Just wondering
what about seeing where their backpack is from?
Or their lunchbox?

I hear everyone thats saying its not nice and yentaish , yes I agree.
But to say its inappropriate and teaching bad safery skills makes me feel a bit perplexed. Confused

Teachers are supposed to model and teach appropriate personal space boundaries. Teachers checking tags is an invasion of personal space.

amother

Feverfew

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:19 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Teachers are supposed to model and teach appropriate personal space boundaries. Teachers checking tags is an invasion of personal space.

100% especially if the teachers are not being completely truthful and saying "Oh come here a sec, I just need to see something...." The kids trust you and that's why they comply. It is taking advantage of that.

Grow up and ask the mom directly.

amother

Forsythia

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 10:21 pm

amother [ Canary ] wrote:

Why not go the normal why and ask the kid’s mom?

I could, but they all leave the same time and it's hectic then and I'd forget. I didn't think it's a big deal, though, to take a quick look when their coat comes off. Probably checked 3 kids tags this whole school year, maybe 4. If it's so upsetting to people, I can skip it.

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 11:43 pm

People are making it out to more than it is. If it's kids in diapers then it's really easy to just check a tag while you are changing them. It's really not invasive like calling a kid over and sticking your hand down their shirt just to check a tag. I'm not a teacher and I don't do it but when I worked in preschool I saw tags all the time without trying especially kids in diapers or those we helped change into bathing suits.

amother

Grape

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:02 am

I'm a teacher.
When 2 y.o child sits on my lap and I like what he's wearing I check tag so I can buy it too.(if it's affordable)

I do not ask parents where they bought clothing as they might feel uncomfortable if item is cheap or expensive etc.

I've found awesome target and Walmart finds.

I can link it below to save you from checking tags.

LittleDucky

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:06 am

amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:

Would you speak to a 2 year old the same way you treat him in class, in front of the mother ? No, not always. Obviously you are super nice and polite when the mother is there, yet there are times when you need to be firm and strict or even tell off a child.

Not cause youre doing anything wrong, but because you dont need the mother to see every little thing and get upset if something is not exactly according to her liking.

There are things you speak about to a 2 year old child that you wouldnt necessarily talk in front of the mother.
Eg what did you have for breakfast?
Dis your daddy get a new car?
Etc etc

Would I ask the mother where the outfit is from? I think thats fine.

I dont think thats a good enough reason to say its not approriate just because you wou wouldnt do it in front of the mother.

If the child could talk and answer where the outfits from, you wouldnt be checking.

But hopefully you arent saying something inappropriate to the kid when mom is not around. There is a big difference if you need to speak sternly to a kid when mom isnt around for the kids benefit (hands are not for hitting) and you touching a kid and looking at it for your benefit.
Why are you asking a toddler if their father has a new car? That's an odd question. Asking about their day including breakfast is educational and has a purpose to help the kid.
Even asking a kid where their mom bought an outfit isnt done to help the kid. At best you satisfy your curiosity. At worst you make them feel bad and self conscious- not a fancy store (walmart vs a boutique), hand me downs, a gemach, "my mommy gets bags dropped off on our porch".

Why are you as a teacher doing something that isnt there to help the child?!? And can be harmful to their development?

amother

Butterscotch

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:13 am

I didn't read through all responses, but I'm glad this topic was started so I could finally have my platform to vent.

I have a relative who is always checking kids tags. Of course only when their parents are not around. She'll say "you're getting so big let me check your tag to see what size you are now." It gets me so so annoyed. A. Stop comparing and judging people based on the clothes on their backs, and B. If you wouldn't do that in front of their parents, don't do it. Period. Arrgggggghhgg!!

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

amother

Wine

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:31 am

amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:

Im sorry I made you nervous.

There is nothing going on.
At least in my workplace .

I dont think its a nice thing to do but to do it discreetly where child doesnt evwn realise is really fine.

Were talking about 2 year olds here.

We wipe them after using the toilet and change their dirty diapers , you have nothing to worry about.

The child realizes. How do little kids learn stuff? They see, hear and absorb everything from the environment. They pick up much more stuff than you can ever imagine. They may not be able to express it to their parents, but they see and absorb.

Either way, this obsession with fashion for these little babies (in some communities) is just mind boggling. This just highlights how far its gone. Think about it for a second. We have adults running around, checking clothing tags on TWO years olds! If you'd take a step back and view this in a different society, what would you call it? Imagine if it were the secular society doing this, what kind of derogatory terms would we come up for this behavior?

amother

Wine

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:38 am

LittleDucky wrote:

There's a simple litmus test for this. The Morah needs to imagine that every single interaction gets relayed to the parents. In this case, would the Morah be ok with Moishy telling his mommy "Morah looked at the tags on my shirt and pants today"? If this isn't something she's comfortable with, she shouldn't be taking advantage of a child who can't express himself yet.