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It's been one of those days

 
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amother




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Post Sun, Jun 26 2022, 11:40 pm
Dear Son,

I love you.

You'll never know just how powerfully
Since you always ask
"How come you hate me so much?"

I spent the day
Trying to avoid power struggles
Trying to accept your idiosyncrasies
And to get the other kids to tolerate them too.

When you were bored and bothering the others
And when you wanted a password that she wouldn't share
I saw you were getting stuck
And I tried to get the others to disengage.

And then, at the end
I failed. Again.
A stupid power struggle that I so much didn't want
But I have my needs and if I tolerate too much
I will fall apart completely.

And foolish comments slipped out
So I can eat my words again
Apologize
Because you're right
I *REALLY* shouldn't have said that.
And I'm serious, I was wrong.
No, that's not how I feel
It was a really dumb thing to say.
I love you. ("No you don't.")

What I'm really sorry about
Is that now you'll go to sleep (if you ever do)
With a bad taste in your mouth.
I wanted you to go to sleep happy
And I failed.

You probably look at me
With a sort of revulsion
"She brings out the worst in me"

Dear Son,
I must tell you
You bring out the worst in me too.

I think it's Hashem's way
Of making us both work on our worst.

You've humbled me and softened me
You've made me stretch my patience
Further than I thought was possible.
You've opened my eyes to new ways of thinking
You've taught me new ways to see success.
You've made me move past my comfort zone
To unchartered, foreign territory
And there you've shown me treasures
I never knew existed.

Dear Son,
You bring out the worst in me
And force me to work on it.
It's far more difficult work
Than the average bandaid Mommying
The others put me through.

And part of that, the part I hate
And I think that you hate too
Is all the failed days.
I'm so sorry.

But, Dear Son,
I really hope and pray
Tomorrow will be better.
Because (although you'd disagree)
I love you.
So, so much.

Your Mother
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imaima




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2022, 12:49 am
This is so beautiful and made me cry.
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dreamerforever




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 27 2022, 1:26 am
So so beautiful and touching! I feel similar with one of my (younger) kids, and I wishwish I can handle it as graciously as you!! Heart
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amother




Mustard
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 5:25 pm
I'm crying with you - and I really needed to hear this today. Thank you.
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amother




Lightgray
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 5:31 pm
Same.
I was so riled up today, I thought I'd put myself into preterm labor.
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amother




NeonPink
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 5:46 pm
So beautiful and so relatable. I have a son like this too. I'm the op of the "send help" thread...
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