Help an introvert mom with chatterbox kids!

amother

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 8:48 pm

So I'm not a big talker. I am very socially savvy and have lots of friends B"H but I need my downtime and quiet. I am lucky to have a WAH job that is mostly solitary and do enjoy a few hours of quiet a day.

But my kids talk incessantly. All of them. Major chatterboxes. And that's objective, even my very extroverted friends and family members have commented on how much my kids talk. One in particular does not leave out a single detail when talking about her day. I do not exaggerate. Every. single. detail of every conversation and every event. She can turn a thirty-second encounter into a ten-minute story. Seriously.

I'm very happy that they talk to me, but I really really really go nuts from all the talking, all the time! My kids range from toddler to teen so there is talking from the minute I open my eyes (unless I manage to get up before my earliest riser) until the minute I go to sleep (yes they follow me around, too).

And of course my husband talks a lot too. Where else would they get it from?? And yes there's ADHD and probably anxiety involved. But overall just SO MUCH TALKING.

Help me preserve my patience and my sanity! Anyone btdt? I will take any and all tips!

amother

Bluebell

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 10:59 pm

Any way to make dedicated alone-time space for yourself every single day? Even if it's just for the first fifteen minutes after all the kids are in bed? I find it easier to get through the exhausting times when I know I get me time. DH knows I need my space then (although he sometimes needs reminding).

Depending on how old your kids are, you may be able to stick in fifteen minutes even when they're awake. If they're old enough that they don't need your full time supervision, tell them about "mommy me time", get headphones and go to your room. Only interrupt you for real emergencies. Even if it's just ten minutes, it might be better than nothing and enough to restore a tiny bit of energy.

familyfirst

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 12:49 am

No advice, but gotta comment on your writing skills. You’re funny! And articulate. I can actually hear the kids following you to the bathroom to finish their stories. Very clear detailed description!

Seriously, you should consider writing a children’s book.

lucky14

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 1:20 am

familyfirst wrote:

I was thinking the same thing!

amother

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 7:38 am

Hey, thanks! I actually do love to write (could I BE any more of a stereotypical introvert?) and it happens to be part of my job. I am very lucky.

Thanks Bluebell for the advice. I try to get some quiet time but maybe it’ll help if I make it more official. I just feel like I’m never really “off” unless everyone is out of the house or sleeping; because of their ages and stages I just get several shifts of nonstop chatter!

Right now I’m off to enjoy a rare quiet cup of coffee. But I think I hear some rustling upstairs… the talking is sure to follow soon LOL

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 7:48 am

I have kids in this range and while they're not all crazy chatterboxes, I have a limit to how much auditory input I can take.

I don't think it would work for me to have a set time every day. What I do is just set boundaries based on how I'm feeling. I make sure that I can listen to them chat about their days right when they come home from school (staggered, because of the different ages and genders), and when I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I feel comfortable saying something like "I really want to hear more! Right now I need a few minutes to focus on dinner (or whatever). Can we talk more about this once we're at the table?" If possible, depending on the ages and nap schedules of the younger kids, I'll even say "I need a few minutes to myself, but I'd love to talk afterwards" and go into my room for a ten minutes to read a book or just relax, and then come out more refreshed. Not always possible when you have an active, awake toddler and don't want to put your teens on babysitting duty all the time Wink

I say the same thing when I'm feeling "touched out." I try to snuggle with those of my kids who enjoy it, especially my younger ones, but sometimes I just start feeling that I need my space. I set boundaries then too: "I love snuggling with you! Let's snuggle for one more minute, and then I think I need some space for a little while. I love you so much!" (Maybe add a kiss at the end.)

I think it's important to teach our kids to set their own boundaries, kindly and respectfully. And I think this helps.

Aylat

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 7:58 am

BTDT! And I am a teacher, so have lots of talking at work too.
I make official "Mummy quiet time". I go to my room, lock the door, and sit down by myself. Read/watch something for 15 minutes. The rule is: only disturb me if someone loses consciousness or there's blood 😀 I also resist being talked to through the bathroom door - I tell the kids I prefer to be able to listen to them properly (though I really want a quiet moment).

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 8:03 am

This is me! And my kids! I established a very strict rule about not talking to me in the bathroom. Unless someone is bleeding very heavily or something is on fire they are not allowed to talk to me while I am in the bathroom. I turn the fan on and usually have ear buds in so they know I can’t hear them anyway unless they’re banging the door down. I also wear ear buds a lot. They can’t see it because I cover them with my tichel. I can still hear them but it takes the edge off.

mushkamothers

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 8:52 am

It's a good idea to teach them boundaries bc it's part of social awareness, especially the older kids. You can even say out loud. "I feel my eyes darting back and forth and my replies are getting short and repetitive, I feel myself needing a break from this conversation. I love to talk to you and I also need a break right now. Do you want to draw or write down what you're up to in the story so we can get back to it"
Also encourage Journaling or storytelling using an old camera or voice recorder.

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 11:25 am

Same here. Introvert with some chatterbox kids. I just let them know that in the morning at breakfast time it needs to be somewhat quiet. No long stories. They are fine with this because they know they can tell me everything later. I find if I can have my breakfast and coffee without the chatter it makes a big difference.

tichellady

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 11:36 am

I was this kid. I think it’s fine to set boundaries but I do remember feeling hurt when my mom told me that I talked too much and she needed a break . Now that I’m an adult I understand it, but I would think carefully about what language you want to use about the boundaries you need to set. Good luck

bluebird

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 12:28 pm

Would it help to work outside the house for a few hours per day, assuming your kids also bother you when working? You can go to a library or cafe and they can’t reach you there.

Going out, even for a walk by yourself, can really help recharge us introverts.

amother

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 12:42 pm

bluebird wrote:

At this point, my kids are all out of the house for a few hours a day and I get some work done then (between all the other things I need to do then...) but my oldest - who also has the least impulse control - talks to me at night when I'm trying to work.

I'm afraid of hurting their feelings like tichellady said. There are definitely times when I gently tell them that I need some quiet and will be thrilled to listen to them later. But my chattiest is also often the first one awake, and she wakes up talking full speed!

I try to take some time to recharge during the loudest times (did I mention that they're all musical too B"H and there is lots of music and singing and those infernal camp cheers going on all day?). I could use some advice on how to maximize that time, though. I feel like I need more than 10-15 minutes. How do you all use that time most efficiently?

Thanks everyone for the support and advice!

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 12:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Boundaries, boundaries and again, boundaries. There is a time and place for everything, right?
You tell them you need quiet for a certain time. Your chattiest needs to be teached that some adults need their morning coffee in peace and quiet and that is inconsiderate to start talking full speed when people hardly have woken up.
Singing and music also need boundaries.

amother

Thu, Jul 14 2022, 1:17 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I know. But it's hard. This child is also one of my most exuberant. So when she "visits" me and launches into a blow-by-blow about her dream and her getting-out-of-bed process when I'm literally still in my bed, I'll tell her that she needs to wait for me to get up before we can schmooze, and she always looks a little crestfallen Confused