Houses in Toms River are getting to be as expensive as Lawre

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:29 am

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

Most of the five towns student body can pay full tuition. The average salary is much higher than other frum communities. The rich people are richer than other communities. You can’t compare. And I would hope that they would be giving tzedakah.

I wouldn’t say most, I would say many. And pple! there are many pple in the five towns that aren’t rich lol. Plenty of pple I know don’t pay full tuition. In fact I think I was listening to rabbi bender on a podcast and the percentage of pple paying full tuition was way lower than I expected. That being said, yea bh our schools are not in dire straits and are wonderful. But sometimes I think pple have a skewed perceptions of what it’s actually like to live here.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:35 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

I lived there. You can’t compare the money in the two communities, it’s not remotely on the same level.

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:37 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

Just to break it down… for fun lol. take Darchei for example. You have kids from the whole five towns area including far rock/bayswater and north woodmere. So yes perhaps the people from Lawrence or back Lawrence are all very wealthy, but the rest is a mix. some families in cedarhurst and woodmere, are wealthy as well. But you have plenty of families in cedarhurst that aren’t rich. That whole area in woodmere of people in chinuch/yeshiva gedola crowd that is very low key. North woodmere has some wealth too. But plenty of just making it pple living there too. Far Rockaway has both extremes. From really not making it to wealthy. Bayswayer is not wealthy at all. Inwood is very middle of the road. Most families are not rich.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:44 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

I don’t think you understand how it works out of the five towns. The type of wealth that exists there does not exist in most communities. The ratio of poor to rich people is much higher in other places. Lakewood area especially has more poor people. Even those getting discounts in the five towns are getting it because tuition is so high, just because they can’t afford 16,000+ tuition per child doesn’t mean they aren’t middle to upper class. Like I said I lived in both you can’t compare at all.

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:50 am

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

I’ve lived out of the five towns… and I’m saying I think sometimes things here are overrated. And like I said earlier in the thread I feel like it’s more chilled here than my friends in Toms River who feel this pressure I just don’t feel here. (Specifically in regards to clothing )

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:53 am

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

Many can, but I don’t think it’s most. The FR students are most definitely not the only one who can’t pay full. That is a huge (and wrong) generalization….

amother

Ecru

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:56 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

That pressure has nothing to do with income level. It’s just a culture.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 9:03 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

The pressure is in their minds. Five towns is not chilled lol it’s just not. There is insane pressure to keep up with the joneses. More than any other place I lived in.

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 9:16 am

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

The pressure is in their minds. Five towns is not chilled lol it’s just not. There is insane pressure to keep up with the joneses. More than any other place I lived in.

Where else is pressure but in the mind?? Anyways I’m not negating ur experience-that’s ur experience-but it’s not everyone’s experience.. many of us do find the five towns to be chilled. Maybe not every single neighborhood or block but there are definitely places that it is chilled! U are really generalizing

amother

NeonBlue

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:25 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

pressure is in the mind.

and oh really, people out of the five towns have none of that, they dont care what the Jones wear.

amother

Firethorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:29 am

I always found that the Lawrence people with the true money, old money, extreme wealth, didn’t feel the need to buy the brands in where the brands are visible from the outside, didn’t have the intense need to show off clothing and possessions- I think it’s the newer money that’s from this generation (or the people with no money yet feel the need to keep up) - those are the people who tend to feel the need to show off and be overtly materialistic and into clothing etc.

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:32 am

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

This is a hundred percent true.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:39 am

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

How are you saying I’m generalizing but you aren’t? What’s the difference? And five towns is known to be a place of pressure and keeping up. Everyone I spoke to who left had the same experience as me. ( by five towns I mean FR and NW too )

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:43 am

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

“Five towns is known” that is generalizing. I’m saying not everyone feels that way… not negating ur experience don’t negate mine. Five towns is huge. There are so many neighborhoods and types of people here. Is there a wealthy element ? Yes of course! But that doesn’t mean everyone living here lives that way! Many low key pple here too!

amother

Poppy

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 1:45 pm

I think in any high-pressure society there are ways of showcasing your wealth that may not apply in other societies. So when someone says she feels more pressure in TR because she sees more children there dressed in designer brands, she is ignoring all the status symbols in the five towns that may not be as popular in TR. It’s really two sides of the same coin. People in the five towns may be more into the cars they drive, throwing splashy bat mitzvah parties, or the handbags they carry. (These are all examples, I’m not saying they are specifically true for the Five Towns). Also, I have personally noticed that in more right wing communities, people trend toward a more formal look, while in more left-leaning communities, the styles are more casual. This may give the illusion that people are less obsessed with style and fashion while really it is not the case.

amother

Sand

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:05 pm

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

This. My friends who are so so rich could not care less what I wear, what my house looks like, where I'm going for shabbos or pesach or winter break. Yet my good friend in Tom's River who grew up with little money and now has is texting me weekly " look at this new designer bag I got! " , "btw did I tell you I'm going to Israel again?", "I'm redoing my kitchen and convinced DH to go with these super expensive countertops " and her friends I met are similar. It's very gauche. The money here in 5 towns is real, true old money.
And btw. It really annoys me when people say things like "it's known the 5 towns has pressure to keep up" etc. Do you live here? Yes, that does seem to be the reputation. But 90% of people who say that live no where near here.
The amount of chessed done here on a regular basis is unmatched. I'd live here over anywhere else for that alone.

amother

Green

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 2:45 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

Yup this is what I was referring to.. where I live in five towns I def feel it’s chilled out. Go to gourmet glatt on. A Tuesday and many women in tichels and super chilled out clothing. Plenty on kids in target/hm clothing. Shabbos afternoon my boys wear white polos. In Toms River/Lakewood I would never go to a supermarket in a tichel.

Didn’t read this whole thread but just felt the need to come and say that I live in Lakewood and literally just came back from the grocery store in my tichel and no makeup. And I was not the only one.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 3:06 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

Back to you literally saying it about Toms River. It also has many areas and many types. Personally I don’t know the type of person you are describing and I know many of the neighborhoods well. It’s just weird that you are telling me not to generalize when you are doing exactly that based on a few people you know who aren’t even typical for the area.

My kids told me after the move that they don’t miss the pressure and the need to keep up with friends. And I never discussed this topic in front of them. Five towns has pressure, way more than other communities. The kids definitely feel it.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 3:12 pm

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

Where are all the 5 towns ppl who are moving sending to school? I thought Lakewood /Jackson/ TR was more yeshivish (or chasidish)