Searching for a beta reader

amother

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 9:29 pm

So I wrote a book, which I will query bezrat Hashem in the next two months. I'm looking for someone to beta this who has a similar ethnic background as my protagonist. She's 25% Ashkenazi, 25% African American, and 50% Sephardic Moroccan. Story is set in Israel so it'd be great if my reader has been there. Bonus points if reader is familiar with the works of Jane Austen, or at least films based on them. While we are Sephardic, I want to make sure I didn't put anything offensive in there by accident. Also, if this reader is a fellow author, I'd be happy to do a critique exchange and I have experience beta reading.

P.S. My protagonist is observant, dati leumi.

amother

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 11:16 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

How many words is the story? Can you give a brief synopsis?
If its a genre that I enjoy reading and it’s not too long I’d be happy to offer my services.
I believe I fit your other criteria.

Amazing! It's 115k words, romance or romcom.
Here's the blurb (I'm still working on summarizing it):

Meet Shevi Harari, 24, mixed black-Sephardic Jew, and freshly dumped. She realizes she's been coasting through life, studying for a career she's indifferent to, and dating a guy she didn't even like. But what are her options, without money or a famous relative to boost her profile on the Orthodox matchmaking market?

Thinking people will judge her better if she judges others better, she resolves to be more open-minded. Easier said than done when her new Haredi coworker, Israel, acts like a jerk half the time. If only he didn't also make her heart flutter the other half, then she could hate him.

Her judgment is put to a test when she hears scandalous rumors about Israel. Who is Israel really? And can love between someone Modern Orthodox and Ultra-Orthodox grow into marriage? Shevi must learn the truth about Israel and herself to find out.

amother

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 7:28 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

I'm also happy to read and critique for free. I am sefardic, living in Israel, but no African-American family.

Just wondering from the blurb you posted if you'd be willing the change the name of the guy. Since they are living in Israel I think it's confusing to also have a main character named Israel. Israel isn't such a typical name anyway.

I see what you're saying about the name and I'm open to it. Thank you for your interest!

amother

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 7:32 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

Just putting this out there, Haredi and ultra orthodox are negative words to many. You might want to find other ways to describe them. Why not use the word Charedi? And no one wants to be referred to as ultra anything. Not sure who your intended audience is but if it’s frum people I think it will be a turn off to many of them.

Hi, so I had originally written Charedi and Google docs always changes it to Haredi so I thought this is just the English spelling. As far as Ultraorthodox, I don't use the term in the book, I only use it in the blurb because I'm trying to get an agent that could get it published by a secular publishers (like Ruchama King did).

amother

Daylily

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 8:39 am

1. Also, I’d use a hebrew version of a name for the guy who is supposed to be “ultra orthodox”.

Meaning: the girl has not just a hebrew name but even a nickname of a hebrew name but the guy has a secular version of a hebrew name. Doesn't fit.

And I agree, not to use “Yisrael” as the hebrew version either. Use a different name completely, esp as it is taking place in Israel/Eretz Yisrael, (among other reasons).

2. No labeling “ulta” and “modern” this or that. The secular public has no comprehension of this and it can only lead to a painting of negativity and chilul Hashem c”v.

Maybe Shevi is from a “religious background” and guy is from a “very insular” religious background…or something like that. Have to flesh it out more…

amother

Midnight

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 8:53 am

Once you are getting into the nitty gritty of nuances between different frum groups, the average secular reader will be totally lost. Nobody outside of the Jewish world will understand what chareidi is, anyway, vs ultra Orthodox. Even "religious" vs "insular."
To them, a chasid is the same as a YU guy with a kippah...
Even my non frum Jewish coworker equates the DL type with black hat yeshivish. It's all the same to her. And we work in a nominally Orthodox workplace!

amother

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 9:44 am

amother Midnight wrote:

In the book I mention that he's yeshivish, I don't know if that's better? Again in the news yeshivish Jews would be called haredi or ultra orthodox. Both shababnikim and shtisel are categorized as haredi in ads and media.

PinkFridge

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 9:47 am

amother Midnight wrote:

What about a glossary?
Dumbing down makes for sounding culturally off.

Kiwi13

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 10:05 am

Fellow author here.

Beta reading and critique are very often "I'll do yours and you'll do mine" kinds of arrangements between authors.

Check out the goodreads.com forum and the querytracker.net forum for potential beta reading swaps. Might be especially useful if you want to gauge your book's potential outside the frum world. You probably dafka DON'T want someone coming into it with the same background as you/your protagonist, because you want to see how your book translates across cultures.

Good luck! You're inspiring me to finish my novel... almost there, almost there. Probably a week's worth of edits to go before beta reading can start on that one.

Are you on soferet? That's another great resource to connect with fellow writers. Riva Pomerantz has a forum as well, and you might find people willing to beta read there too, with or without a swap.

amother

Midnight

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 10:10 am

PinkFridge wrote:

What about a glossary?
Dumbing down makes for sounding culturally off.

When I read a book that is set in a very culturally specific insular society (say, Indian culture) I'm not going to want to have to use a glossary. Unless the author is able to somehow make things clear and easy to understand, I'll lose interest after the first few pages. The only way to do a book like this for a completely secular audience is to make the religious part very bland (for lack of a better word). If you have read the few books by frum authors that crossed over into a secular audience, you'll see what I mean.
It's not a matter of dumbing down, it's just that you lose reader interest when they have to work so hard to figure out what's going on and all the minute shades of difference in the religious world.

ora_43

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 10:23 am

It sounds like you're looking for, separately, an unpaid beta reader and a paid sensitivity reader?

Or if not it sounds to me like it'd be easier to find separately Smile

lots of people might be qualified to speak for the experience of a part-black (english speaking?) Jew in Israel, while not qualified to give tips re: plot and dialogue, and vice versa.

Also, it might help to be more specific about what you need a sensitivity reader for. Just one example: Shevi's experience as someone with her ethnic background within the English-speaking community in Israel (ie how do english-speaking immigrants really act toward people from a less-typical-for-anglos background) VS Shevi's experience as an immigrant in Israel (ie what's it really like to be an English-speaking immigrant in Israel?).

Basically which aspect of her intersecting identities (part white, part black, sephardi, (child of convert?), MO, immigrant, MO person in relation to Israeli hareidi person) is:
(1) relevant to/explicitly mentioned in the story;
(2) something you personally aren't familiar with.

Important because eg if the question is "how do American MO Jews treat people of non-white ethnic backgrounds" vs "how do Israeli hareidi Jews treat children of converts" you're going to be looking at different groups of sensitivity readers.

ora_43

Wed, Aug 24 2022, 11:41 am

amother Midnight wrote:

Once you are getting into the nitty gritty of nuances between different frum groups, the average secular reader will be totally lost.

I think it's possible to make differences between frum groups a major plot point without getting too in-depth or using a glossary (although a glossary's a good idea for readers who want maximum info). I've read books where the characters' non-Jewish religion was a major element, and it was fine.

You can just address things as they come up in terms that most people will understand, eg:

Quote:

The usual frantic pre-guest cleanup was always more complicated when the guest was hareidi. Ora_43 cast a quick eye around her living room, looking for sin. The picture of her sister crossing a finish line clad in a swimsuit and lycra shorts was quickly shuffled behind a stack of books. The family photos from amusement park, though, were allowed to stay, despite cousin Esti's sleeveless top.

Books were easier. She'd learned long ago not to store romance novels on the first floor. Not everything that remained was hareidi-friendly, but there was simply too much of it to hide. If uncle Hezki's kids went to look for a prayerbook and discovered the magic of Harry Potter, well, that was a risk he took when visiting his most modern niece.

(just an example I don't really have an uncle Hezki)

(note the use of "sin" rather than "aveirot," "prayerbook" rather than "siddur," but "hareidi" is still hareidi because 1. that's a pretty basic term, and not one with an English equivalent; 2. it's OK to expect the reader to make some mental effort; they can figure it out from context here)

You can also do the classic "character A explains things to character B that they both know for the benefit of the audience". eg,

Quote:

"Rivki, you know I think any guy would be lucky to date you, but it's not going to happen. His father was short-listed for chief rabbi. He's one of the top students at the Mir. You know, the best yeshiva in the country? The one everyone and his brother applies to?"

(we don't know what's wrong with Rivki's family, but even a non-Jewish reader would have a pretty clear sense of this nameless guy's status within the frum world)