How many nights can my child go to bed hungry? Update pg 6

amother

Lavender

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 4:07 pm

OP, making one dinner and saying this is what we have is fair. So much of "hating" food as a kid is knowing there are other options.
We make one dinner. Our kids can eat as much or as little from what is served. If they refuse, they can wait until breakfast. They've never been starving. Sometimes they're just fuller from the food they ate during the day.
Just like you or I, as adults, don't have the same appetites every day. It's totally normal.

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 5:55 pm

erm wrote:

How is fish sticks and potatoes 2 dinners? They are a main and side dish

Because I’m not eating fish sticks and potatoes 7 nights a week. I make for myself, dh, and the baby a full nutritious dinner. Then add the fish sticks for one and potatoes for the other, and I’m making way more foods than I wanted.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 6:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just serve the full nutritious dinner. If all one will eat is fish sticks, and all the other will eat is potatoes, that's ridiculous. I wouldn't cater to it.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 6:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can make a big tray of fish sticks and potatoes and reheat portions from it for a few days.

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 6:22 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Just serve the full nutritious dinner. If all one will eat is fish sticks, and all the other will eat is potatoes, that's ridiculous. I wouldn't cater to it.

Yes. That’s why I’m so fed up and miserable. And for the amother that suggested making a tray of fish sticks and potatoes to rewarm, well pickiness also applies to temperature and texture. The fish sticks need to be crunchy and putting them away will make them soggy. Potatoes need to be soft and hot... etc.... that’s all besides for the food I’m making for myself. And I also work and have other housework to do in case I’m ever bored. I don’t need to be busy with food all day long

amother

Calendula

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

I really didn’t start this thread to ask if you agree or disagree with my method. I’m just curious, for those that agree with me, how many days I should try this for. In 9 days of trying I only had one or two nights that a kids went to bed hungry. How long should I make it last before giving up?

This is a medical issue and you really shouldn’t be getting advice from the internet. A healthy kid you can probably let them be hungry every night if they so choose. But if there are any concerns over their weight then this can be unsafe. Please talk to your pediatrician. Hatzlacha! I know how hard it is.

amother

Calendula

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:36 pm

dovebird wrote:

Solid Starts and Kids Eat in Color both have very good resources that I recommend you look into.

I used to follow kids eat in color and it was helpful for normal pickiness, not picky to the extent op is describing.

amother

Peach

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:44 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I have a totally different take on this as an adult who now will try almost any food but as a kid ate like 5 things. I was a horrible eater and very skinny and it was not easy for my mother. I think she used DOR without realizing it was even a thing. It was just intuitive to her.

Honestly. I did not have an easy childhood. I struggled a lot with ADHD, some learning issues and socially my life wasn't so easy. I think that I used food as a means of having some control over my life because as an 8 year old what else was there. As my life got a lot better in high school and college I became a much more adventurous eater. I really feel like there is a connection between the two. This may resonate or not.

I'm curious how this worked.

Did your mother do anything to try to get you to eat? Were there days or nights that you ate nothing because your preferred foods weren't available? What were your options if you didn't like the meal being served?

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:45 pm

OP, in such a case I'd just make the nutritious dinner and serve it. I would not make any rules like "you must taste it or else." Just serve it, say that this is for dinner and if you want anything else you need to get it yourself. Then there is zero power struggle, and if they are really hungry they will figure something out.

amother

PlumPink

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:55 pm

amother Calendula wrote:

I used to follow kids eat in color and it was helpful for normal pickiness, not picky to the extent op is describing.

She has a course for extreme pickiness - which is seems is what OP is dealing with.

A paediatrician once told something that I now quote all the time. ‘It’s only a problem when it’s a problem’
If parents and children were happy and kids had full bellies - even if it was just buttered toast. It’s not ideal but it’s not a problem. Its working for now.
But that is not what OP is dealing with. If this situation is impacting you and your kids so much, it has become a problem and needs outside help.

Also the majority of kids (and adults) won’t starve themselves. Eventually they’ll get hungry enough to just eat what’s there. I’m sure many of us have experienced this. I know I hate soda water, but if I’m at a shabbos meal or simcha where there is literally nothing else, I’ll drink it rather than go thirsty.
But there are some kids who just won’t eat
That’s when it’s a problem.
It could be for one of many reasons - swallowing issues, digestion, sensory, taste aversions, fear, intolerance, texture etc etc

amother

Junglegreen

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:03 pm

What would happen if you gave them buttered toast, fish sticks and potatoes, 3 meals a day, for 3 weeks.
You enjoy stir fry, soups and wholesome meals.
They enjoy their toast.
Wonderful family dinner!

Is it possible after endless rounds of toast they might want to try one tiny lick of your soup.
And after another three weeks of just toast and butter, a tiny piece of tomato from your chicken salad.

I echo the lack of pressure and 60 rounds of exposure for each food.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:05 pm

amother Whitewash wrote:

You’ll be horrified to know that my son lives on chocolate leben and sliced cheese during the week.

Mine too !

Well, leben and cereal and milk, shnitzel, and pizza.

I would never force him to eat. I still gag at all the foods my mother forced down my throat.

And I’m still a very picky eater . But in the normal range.

amother

NeonPink

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Many of us make a big pots of noodles and pans of chicken nuggets for our kids in addition to some normal food for adults. It doesn’t take that long.

amother

Daylily

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:25 pm

I think the most important thing is not to make this a power struggle. That usually reinforces such behavior and makes dinner time a tension-filled affair.
You make one nutritious meal. Anyone can eat or not. If they don't want to eat, they make their own food. Even young kids can learn to toast and butter a bread or place a few fish sticks in a Betty Crocker or oven. Alternative suppers in my house were often french toast or a toasted bread with hard boiled egg. The kids could make it on their own, but when it becomes a non-issue, they may eventually decide to taste something else.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

But if they like toast why can't they just eat that? Obviously we all want our kids to just eat what we make but that doesn't happen most of the time. My kids are super picky too so if they don't like dinner they eat something simple they like...many times it's toast. Forcing them to taste the dinner I made won't make them like it. I gain nothing from forcing them to taste it.

imorethanamother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:47 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

Exposure is having the food on the table. Mandatory no thank you taste invites a power struggle.

Been there done that exposure doesn’t work, thanks. I have years of experience and approximately five feeding therapists.

I also had a child that literally was starving himself. Do you have experience in this area? Three feeding therapists wasted my time and money with this exposure baloney.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:57 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

Literally starving himself? Sounds pretty intense and not like OP's kid about whom we are giving advice.

It takes time, and there are adults who still haven't gotten it. If you are feeling desperate for something that works, and works means "My child is eating the way I want him to," that's coming from a place of control and not of trust so it is not really DOR. Makes a big difference. DOR is rooted in the best science we have on feeding right now.

Lovable

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 11:40 pm

amother Peach wrote:

I'm just curious.

Let's say you went to a wedding and didn't eat anything. Maybe you weren't hungry, or the food didn't appeal to you.

And your husband says to you NO WAY ARE YOU GOING TO BED HUNGRY AND WE ARE NOT LEAVING THIS WEDDING UNTIL YOU AT LEAST TASTE SOMETHINHG.

How would that feel to you?

If a child is offered food and has food available to him that he CHOOSES not to eat, you are not starving the kid or putting him to bed hungry.

A hungry child will eat. Maybe not everything or as much as you think they should eat, but they will eat.

Huh???
Yo are literally bringing an anecdote against your own opinion
Read your post
Then read mine