I am fed up!!! 3 yr old trained & untrained roller coaster

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 9:37 am

My almost 3 year old has me on a serious roller coaster ride!
I trained him before Pesach using the toilet raining in one day method and it went pretty well
Then over pesach it was all undone and we've been going up and down since then!!!!
He's had days of no accidents, telling me every time he needs to go, times in the summer when he made in his pants daily and everything in between.
He has the concept down pat but I don't know if it's just forgetfulness, laziness, just can't be bothered or it's a serious issue.
Since the end of the summer when we went away for a few days it's been really downhill.
He has barely made dirty in the toilet.
He almost always does it in his pants!!! Crying

I sent him to cheder now hoping and praying that it would go well and bh it's been ok, he does go to the bathroom pretty much over there.
but when he's home it's back to the same story
He just goes and makes in his pants whenever he feels like it
I know he has the concept down pat as I said he has had weeks with not a single accident
but right now I feel like I'm just dealing with a never ending baby
I've tried everything
charts
prizes after each time
a huge prize after multiple times
a tiny potch on his hand after warning him in advance that it will happen if he makes
literally everything!!!!!!!!!!
I just can't go on like this anymore Crying

It's just about his upsherin and I'm dreading the tzitzis situation it will be so messy
and with yom tov and no consistent schedule it won't be any better
ANY ANY ANY ADVICE AND TIPS WOULD BE APPPRECIATED!!!!

amother

Crimson

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 9:41 am

amother OP wrote:

Encopresis. It's not really diagnosed before age 4. But its possible on that road and if so better to target early.

I was where you were. I couldnt handle it amymore. Thank G-d we are in a much better place.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 9:45 am

Back off. Completely. I'm serious. No mention of toileting for at least a few months. Toddlers smell adult agendas from a mile away and it can be very detrimental, as they are wired to resist. And in this case it's a health issue.

Some kids can be trained young with rewards and/or punishments, but others respond poorly to such behaviorism. Most kids are independently ready between ages 3 and 4, sometimes a litt earlier or later. So using diapers when he's almost 3 is nothing.

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Wed, Sep 21 2022, 9:49 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 9:55 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

The weird thing here is that he was fully toiled trained at one point
the rewards worked for him in the beginning and now he doesn't even care
also, I can't really back off. He's in school and needs to be trained, how would that work?

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 9:57 am

miami85 wrote:

Is he really going in school or is he just holding it in until he gets home?
Does school have small toilets in the preschool?
Does he get busy with something at home?

I'm not sure about the first question, it's probably something I need to ask the morah.
They have small toilets and he always promises me he'll go in cheder but... It might be just a point of pushing it off I'm not sure
He's the type of kid that get's distracted and spacey pretty easily
He'll go play with his cars or with neighbors outside and totally forget about everything
I hate being the policeman on top of him asking him a million times if he needs to go but what else should I do?
If not 5 min later he'll be dirty

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:00 am

amother Crimson wrote:

I hope it's not this
He isn't constipated so it's not that he has a hard time I think he's just holding it in until Boom it all goes flying
but the other symptoms are not so far off
I guess I can keep it mind but hopefully it will be something easier.
I'll take any advice

miami85

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:01 am

amother OP wrote:

As much as people like to make toilet training about the "Training" part, there's a huge emotional and also hormonal component that often gets overlooked.

My 2.5 year old, I showed her what to do, her brother goes all the time, I tried prizes, I see her putting her doll house dollies on the potty. When I ask her "do you want to go potty?" she says no.

My eldest didn't get fully trained until he was 4, and he had to be trained to go to day camp when he was 3 and I basically said, if he can make it through day camp, I don't really care if he isn't perfect at home. He would go from time-to-time but it was really hit or miss.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:02 am

amother OP wrote:

So he wasn't ready. At first wanting the rewards was enough, but there are a lot of emotional factors at play. It's not enough that he can physically hold it in and knows what to do.

Back off at home. Home and school are separate environments. If they can't/won't deal with how he is at school then unfortunately he may need another option or yes, if impossible then some form of training.

There are states now that are not allowing potty training to be required for 3 year olds. Good for them.

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:05 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

I hear that and I would try it I'm just a little scared that he'll just follow my lead and do it in cheder as well.
I guess I can take a wait and see approach and really try to just chill
It's something that's really hard but I guess I can try cuz right now I don't really have any other options

amother

Crimson

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:43 am

amother OP wrote:

Constipation doesn't always look like we think. Hopefully it's not... But something to keep in mind. Holding is directly related with encopresis.

Either way, hope you figure this out soon.