I want to give up (vent)

amother

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 5:30 am

My 6 year old is completely out of control. Shes not in school because the school have no idea how to handle her. I have a small baby at home aswel. We are waiting for assessments but in the mean time I am crying all the time. I feel so hurt that my child is not wanted I feel helpless and alone. Why is my child like this. Why can't she be helped

amother

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 6:23 am

Angry all the time, doesn't listen to anyone, controlling, hurts the baby when in this mood, causes chaos all the time, hyper and just overall impossible. She wasnt always like this shes just very frustrated and letting it all out. Shes missing out in school, friends etc. Completely under stimulated

imaima

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 6:32 am

amother OP wrote:

Maybe it is allergy or sensitivity? Sounds like something is constantly disturbing her

amother

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 6:51 am

She does need medication but we can't get it for her till she is assessed and diagnosed. There is a long waiting list but what do I do till then? How do we carry on like this? I cant have her home all the time, lucky its chagim now but shes been home since the beginning of the school year. I see no end to this and I'm not sure how much longer I can cope. Nothing will change once succot is over, what will be then? All the other children go back to school whilst mine stays home. The school don't have any resources to help her, they have no idea what they are doing. The system is ridiculous, they only manage childeren in the box anyone one slightly out they have nothing to help them and just give up

amother

Carnation

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 7:21 am

amother OP wrote:

Where do you live?

Have you talked to your pediatrician? Mine was willing to start a child on a low dose of medication without a diagnosis. (Long story why.) Stimulants are fast-acting and out of the system quickly, so worst case scenario and the medication doesn't work/has bad side effects, you can just trial it and then stop and it doesn't cause any long-term changes. Especially in such an extreme situation, it might be worth asking about...

amother

Brickred

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 7:25 am

I know it's not first choice, but if you sign her up for public school (temporarily) they're required to service her, which if she's as impossible as you describe, will involve a fast track to evaluation

amother

Indigo

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:08 am

Especially because she wasn't always like this please have her evaluated for pandas. She sounds exactly the way my panda did before treatment.
Until you get there, you can try giving dye free motrin and benadryl around the clock. You should see pretty fast and obvious relief in the intensity of the symptons.

amother

Wine

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:18 am

Where are you located? Try reaching out to yahalom a division of Aguda. They have been extremely helpful. They have a New York and New Jersey division as well as in some other states but if your state is not one of them call tova from New York. She’s so knowledgeable and can hopefully point you in the right direction.

amother

Oleander

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:25 am

Any doctor should be able to prescribe medications. Why is there such a long wait? Are there no alternative routes.

If you tell us which country/state you live in,women can direct you better

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:31 am

I second the pandas eval. I know this site seems so into it but I want to tell you that I actually got my child diagnosed and treated for pandas because of this website ! Ask your doc - insist on an aso and dna base. If elevated your child must go on either Zithromax (sandoz brand) or augmentin for 21 days. Give Motrin twice a day until you get to the doc and if that makes a difference in behavior you know you’re onto something. Motrin is anti inflammatory so it reduced inflammation in the brain that the strep or other virus is causing.

amother

Burntblack

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:31 am

Did you check her for strep/pandas? My three year old son acted exactly like this and it was pandas. He was jumping off the walls hyper , angry meltdowns , hurting my newborn. And many other symptoms. My doctor perscribed Zithromax for thirty days and Bh within two weeks he was a different child.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:38 am

amother Oleander wrote:

Any doctor should be able to prescribe medications. Why is there such a long wait? Are there no alternative routes.

If you tell us which country/state you live in,women can direct you better

For good doctors, you can easily wait months. It is very, very hard. When my kid was in this stage, some days I would just collapse on the floor, midday. Put the baby in a port a crib behind a gate. Even if your 6 year old can get in, you'll hear it and it buys you time.

Make sure you are on the cancellation list, and call regularly to ask about cancellations; if they heard from you that morning, they will think of you first if it happens.

Get help. Yes, way easier said than done. But I know I was one of those people who didn't want to raise my head and call an organization and say, I need you to send me someone. It's worth it. If you have an organization that helps with special needs kids, you can contact them and explain where you're at. If there's a suspected diagnosis, you can tell them that. If there isn't one, call the local girls high school and say you need a chesed girl (or a pair) to come spend time with your dd.

amother

Amaryllis

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:56 am

amother Brickred wrote:

I agree. Op didn’t say what country but at least in the us you can request an evaluation without registering for school first. But in that position it prob makes sense to send to public school until you can get something set up with the frum school.

amother

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:59 am

Thank you for all your replies. I live in the uk, the waiting lists for evaluation are insanely long. Privately is still about a 6 month waiting list. We have every possible professional fighting for us to get a place very fast but in mean time I'm going out of my mind. They won't test for pandas here, they believe its adhd and asd

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:59 am

So pediatricians will start medication for you while you wait for an evaluation
Have you tried a sensory diet with deep pressure and grounding input, that can help too
Also, sometimes bikur cholim or a medical referral agency has connections and can get you appointments sooner.
And yes, explore the pandas possibility too. If it is, the sooner it's addressed the quicker it hopefully blows over.
Op, it's a really hard stage to be at. I hope you find answers that work for you very soon!

amother

Indigo

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 9:21 am

amother OP wrote:

If you are interested in pursuing a pandas diagnosis, look up dr Tim ubhi.

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 9:49 am

amother OP wrote:

Would they let her come back with a shadow? Otherwise I would send her to public school temporarily, they have the resources to help her.

amother

Yolk

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 11:31 am

OP, I was in the same place as you when my son was 6 and I just want to emphasize with you. It's so so hard especially when you feel you are the only one in this situation.

Was your daughter in a preschool in the past? How did she do?

In our case, the teacher was a very very bad fit (though she was very qualified) and was making the situation much worse. Is there another class you can switch her to? Perhaps with a 1:1 while you wait for the evaluation?
Also. I remember seeing resentful towards my child and dealing with the school issues definitely impacted our relationship negatively. Please make sure to build up your child so she doesn't feel like it's her fault.
Best of luck, we are here with you!