Health-minded mothers, please don’t deprive your kids!

amother

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 6:02 pm

I am a preschool teacher. I once had a student whose parents were very into healthy food, to an extreme. The poor girl was totally deprived! From what we gathered, she ate only whole meal bread, bran flakes and rice cakes at home. So when it came to snack time, and we provide the snacks, she would stuff her face with cookies and ask for more when her mouth would still be full. If we ever made cheerio necklaces, she would nibble when we didn’t see. Shabbos party was paradise! We made sure to let her have as much candy as she wanted because she evidently didn’t get any at home. Sometimes when she thought we weren’t looking she would take some food one of us left lying around or she would eat someone’s leftover snack. Many years have passed since this child left my classroom but I always wonder if it’s fair to deprive a child to such a level, and if one would be embarrassed by the child’s behavior in order to get the sweet stuff they crave.

amother

Begonia

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 6:12 pm

There have and will always be parents that do things to the extreme. Those kids usually end up with an unhealthy relationship with food and eat junk food at whatever chance they get. What you can do as a teacher, is talk to the parents about it and try to explain how the child behaves in school. Allowing the kid to have as much candy as they want, is not a solution. It might do more harm than good for a body that's not used to having those junks.

amother

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 6:44 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

What you can do as a teacher, is talk to the parents about it and try to explain how the child behaves in school.

The mother wouldn’t listen. She would try to make us hide the snack bags that the birthday kids would bring but obviously all the kids got one so she wanted one too. (We would distribute them when the kids were picked up so that they shouldn’t eat it in school). When it was this kid’s turn to bring something for Shabbos party, she usually arrived empty handed. We were instructed to treat her like everyone else and give her a turn to bring Shabbos party but her mother chose not to send anything which we couldn’t control. We felt so bad for this kid so we let her eat in school just like all the other kids, so that she shouldn’t feel even more left out!

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 6:59 pm

this has nothing to do with health minded parents and all to do with bad parenting and extreme black and white thinking.

On the flip side, it's insane how much nosh my students eat. I need to enforce the no nosh policy, it's insane. Why send with your kid for snack gushers and sippies and fruit leathers and family size dorito chips??

And what I find sad is that so much nosh actually comes from the school. Between G.O. and siyums and finishing charts and soda for special treat.... It's easy and cheap for the teachers and the kids go for it. But I think it needs to be rethought.

amother

Clear

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 7:12 pm

OP, although your example is about a child from a health-minded home, please don't view this as specific to rice-cake-loving mamas.

I grew up in a home where I was deprived of treats and it had nothing to do with health. It was all about thin-superiority. Fat was a dirty word. My mother watched and calculated for every bite of food that went into my mouth. Not only did I not have treats - I was not allowed second helpings. I was not allowed to drink anything but water.

When I went on baby sitting jobs I would look for containers of cake icing in the pantry, eat the whole thing with a spoon and then hide it in the garbage.

I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I've been out of my parents' home for 30 years. It doesn't matter. I've been to nutritionists and read every kind of book and gotten therapy. Doesn't matter. I cannot eat anything but celery sticks without guilt. Ever.

amother

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 7:19 pm

momof2+? wrote:

The OP sounds extreme. Was the mother of the child health minded? It doesn’t sound like the kid got a variety of foods to eat- even healthy ones. Is the child hungry? How old is this child?

The kid was 3. I don’t know what they actually ate at home, I’m sure there was some more variety. The mother was exceptionally health minded and would give us constant reminders how much she disliked junk

amother

Tuberose

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 7:25 pm

On the flipnside, it's a little todoxulpus how much nosh the kids get

My child had an aleph band siyum and was so wired from all sugar, I felt so sorry for him.
It wasn't even his fault that he was throwing sonkamy tantrums. All the sugar and food coloring when your trying to TEACH children?? It has the opposite effect and then we wonder why kids can't keep up and can't concentrate!!!

amother

Peony

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 7:31 pm

Don’t most kids eat the cheerios necklaces?

Does anyone else feel like this is just not okay to give the (3 year old) child as much candy as she wanted because the teacher felt she was deprived? I can understand giving her the same items that the other children get, but this just seems so inappropriate and disrespectful to the parent.

amother

Bluebell

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 7:34 pm

Guess what. If nobody ate cookies and everybody ate apples and grapes, nobody would feel deprived.

I’m sick and tired of the demonizing of health minded parents. This deprivation is a man-made artificial construct. Sugar, processed foods and junk are NOT essential human needs. Deprived means not having a home, or shoes, or clothes, or enough food to eat. Not having any sugar doesn’t make a child deprived, though they sure feel like it when everyone else around them is eating that.

If the child is only getting rice cakes and oat bran at home, that is indeed sad. But I’m going to guess this is an exaggeration, and what it really means is that the mother attempts to feed her children minimally processed foods. There are so, so, so many wonderful options out there these days for our children that aren’t also toxic to their little brains, guts, nervous systems and endocrine systems. She may be making the wrong decision in terms of the world we live in, but chances are her values are in the right place. It’s the rest of the world that needs to catch up.

Yes, I know we can’t turn the clock back. Yes, I know some parents are extreme. Yes, I know that realistically we need to find a balance. But the standard western diet isn’t exactly the picture of balance.

ETA: There are kids who will stuff their faces with anything sweet even if they get plenty of it at home. So you really can’t make assumptions. Sugar is as addictive as cocaine for some individuals. There is a lot more that goes into how children eat outside of their parents attitude and what their parents feed them. Blaming parents for all their childrens ills is so old fashioned.

Secondly, I agree with posters who said it was disconcerting that “you let her have as much nosh as she wanted at shabbos party because she didn’t get any at home.” As if you were doing her a favor.

amother

Charcoal

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 7:39 pm

amother Peony wrote:

I'm more focused on the failings of the mother, than the good-hearted attempt of a teacher trying to compensate for it - even if its not 100% on target.

amother

Charcoal

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 7:46 pm

amother Bluebell wrote:

Almost all of our societal problems are man made constructs. That doesn't mean you need to put your children into impossible situations, because you're not singlehandedly going to solve the problem. You can still teach your children all about your views and mindset while taking into account what they will face in the world.

Like you said - we need to find a balance. The balance is not so much to find the perfect diet. The balance is juggling your views with the rest of the worlds. You can teach your childred how to eat healthy while still allowing them to enjoy treats with their friends.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 8:10 pm

amother Clear wrote:

Same! I do intuitive eating, but it's even hard to follow that because I still feel so much guilt for eating foods that are considered by society to make one fat.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 8:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

This extreme black and white thinking around healthy food is called orthorexia. It's actually a mental health disorder. This mother has a mental health disorder. Its sad for the poor child, I hope mother can get help

watergirl

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 8:18 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Orthorexia is far more common than people realize and we see a lot of posts here that raise concern.

amother

Grape

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 8:39 pm

There's a way to do it and a way not to do it. I grew up in a very health conscious house and every bit of knew I didn't have junk. My mother always made sure that we had a comparable thing to what the school is giving out that she let. She used to buy his bags of prizes for a birthday and give out one special nosh that was on the healthier side. Personally none of my siblings have a problem with food. Today we all run our houses as we like. Personally I still only eat whole wheat and mostly how I grew up but my kids do not. It really just depends how the parents do it. I never felt I was lacking and I never was the one who stuffed my face with junkie there and neither did my siblings.

amother

Whitewash

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:04 pm

I'm not trying to derail this thread, but this thread reminds me, I have been worrying what my Primary daughter's Morahs think - lately she has been saving and bringing home the school snack and/or drink. My daughter is a big saver. She saves nosh, drinks, papers, projects etc. that I give her or someone else gives. She likes to use a little at a time. She likes to share with her siblings (I think she likes being the ones to have and give to them). I don't let them eat junk a whole day and do try to incorporate healthier food options as much as possible, but I usually let them have cookies/pretzels etc. when they come home, also fruits/vegetables, and sometimes a taffy or something like that after they eat supper... and if they ask for something and behaved nicely then I will let them have something small too usually... so I don't think she is bringing home these things because she feels deprived at home. I just hope her Morahs don't think that that is the case!