Guest supposed to bring dessert & didn’t

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:16 pm

Our guests asked if they could bring anything do I said, “please bring dessert,like cookies or cupcakes ,thank you.” So we had our Chanukah get together and they did not bring any dessert. I quickly cut up the little fruit that I had. I was planning on going shopping the next day so I did not have a lot. I was so embarrassed.I did not have enough cookies to serve as we typically do not have that type of nosh in the house. Do you buy back up cookies or cake in case person forgets?

amother

Navy

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

It was for your guests to feel embarrassed not you. They were supposed to show up with dessert

amother

Gardenia

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:20 pm

What do you think would happen if there isn't any dessert?
It wasnt the main dish. Is it the end of the world?
I'd bring in some chips/candies if I had in the house.
And most importantly, not to embarrasse her. Don't mention it to anyone in front of her.

amother

Outerspace

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:24 pm

As someone who frequently hosts on shabbos, I’ve learned to never count on anything.
This might be different for you making a Chanukah party if everyone was bringing something…although maybe that’s not how it went.
I’ve had times where guests offered to bring something significant, like a side to a shabbos meal, and when they did, it wasn’t enough. Or when they brought a desert that wasn’t the type to be appreciated by everyone or wasn’t big enough or was a specific taste…. Any reason. So I make even though I know they may bring. Worse case scenario we have too much food, instead of too little.

zaq

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:29 pm

I don't usually rely on guests to fill in the gaps in my menu unless it's my kids bringing challah they baked, which they do much better than I. If we're having guests I do usually have some kind of mezonot ready. If a guest brings something, I'll serve their gift. But fruit is a perfectly acceptable dessert. AFAIK there's no halachic requirement to serve mezonot after a meal at which you have made motzi, not even on Shabbat.

Amarante

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:11 pm

Unless this was a trusted person, I would have a backup dessert. For dessert it is very easy to keep frozen cake or ice cream. Cookies can be frozen as well but you can keep a box of gourmet cookies in the pantry or hidden if you don’t want the children to see them.

amother

Purple

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:19 pm

I don't rely on it. Having them bring something means having two options. Or not having a salad, but I have another vegetable. Sometimes someone will come and bring something completely different- like they asked if they should bring a salad or dessert and I said a salad and they come with dessert because their dd was in a baking mood, or the reverse because they realized they ran out of the ingredients they needed, or they say nothing. I never say anything.

mommy3b2c

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:25 pm

Amarante wrote:

And sometimes even a trusted person makes a mistake . This Shabbos I had 3 families for the whole shabbos and one of them was supposed to bring a salad and completely forgot . She is a very trusted very responsible person and she just forgot . It didn’t matter in the least because I always serve enough food for an army, but things happen . Once someone random forgot to bring the dessert on pesach and I just made do with the little bit of ice cream I had left . Since then I don’t count on anyone .

amother

Stoneblue

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:37 pm

It’s happened to me, the only thing I could find in my pantry were Oreo cookies Can't Believe It

but that’s what we had for dessert

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:52 pm

OP here. I did not embarrass the guest . But, I was embarrassed that I had a small amount dessert, small plate if fruit. I often have a back up for dessert but this time I didn’t.

tichellady

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 12:59 am

I don't have backups and this never happened to me before. I once forgot to bring fruit to someone's house. I realized on shabbat but it was too late to shop. I was very embarrassed

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:07 am

amother OP wrote:

OP here. I did not embarrass the guest . But, I was embarrassed that I had a small amount dessert, small plate if fruit. I often have a back up for dessert but this time I didn’t.

So lesson learned. Always keep something like a cake , ice cream, whatever in the house as backup.

essie14

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 2:53 am

I never rely on anyone to bring anything crucial. If it's dessert I always make sure to have something and either I serve 2 options or I freeze mine or let my kids eat it later.
If it's a side dish, I always make sure I still have enough food. Better to have more than less.

DVOM

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 3:45 am

I host a lot. Experience has taught me to always say yes graciously when guests offer to bring something, but also to never count on it. I always have a back up in the freezer - challah, cake, ice cream. If they're bringing something like a side or a salad, I plan my menu as if they're bringing nothing and make whatever I would be making regardless. I've found this gives me the greatest peace of mind.

amother

Green

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 3:49 am

I always make everything. If someone offers to bring I always thank them but say not necessary. They can take a day off. If they ask a second time I accept and suggest they make something their family likes. I don't remove anything from my menu.

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 5:17 am

I keep a few containers of candy/dried fruit in my pantry since they last a long time. If I need a platter of dessert (other than a cake or cookies), I use a divided dish with three sections (wedding gifts do come in handy) and fill each with candy and a little serving spoon. It sounds like your menu was just fine, but I agree that guests sometimes forget to bring their offered contribution to a meal and it's helpful to have backup.