disciplining a ten moth old

amother

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 11:26 pm

My baby can be really violent. I cant understand where she gets it from. My husband and I NEVER hit her or eachother. We barely raise our vioces. She does not watch TV and her babysitter is very sweet (as far as I can tell). She hits, smacks, scratches and then laughs. She yells (baby language but using an obviously angry tone) at us and growls at her toys and other people. She is extremely friendly but then gets violent...not maliciously, she just thinks its funny (I think).
She also pinches my face, chest and neck. I have scratch and nail marks all over. I cut her nails constantly but she still does damage. She calms herself by scratching and pinching my arms and neck. This is also how she falls asleep (by pinching me). She also pinches herself.
I am afriad to let her near other children becuase she will mawl them. We do go to mommy and me and music class but when she gets too close to other kids, I take her away.
My husband and I find this behavior to be very odd...becuase she is otherwise an absolute joy!!!!
How do I explain to a ten month old that she cant do this.
Today she pinched and scratched the skin around my eye, it really really hurt (and she doesnt let go) so I yelled at her to stop. She did, she knew I was upset. But then I felt bad for yelling...she is just a baby. So I kissed her and told her I am sorry...double message...I know.
What is wrong with her and what could I do. Do you think I should see a child therapist or is this normal.
How can I explain this to her?

cubbie

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 2:45 am

I don't really know where to start to reply to your post, but I'll try to make as much sense as I can. Firstly yes it is very normal for a 10 month old to scratch, pinch, hit, but also something that needs to be stopped before it gets out of hand. Secondly a 10 month old is not capable of being naughty as they don't fully understand the concept of this, but how you react to the "bad" behavior will determine how naughty they will be as they get older. What your baby is learning at the moment is which actions achieve which responses, so if they bad behaviour gets alot of attention, they learn to get attention this way, but if the bad behaviour creates no response they will stop. In your situation, evertime she gets "violent" you need to say very calmly "no, we don't do that, now do nice to mommy" and teach her to stroke your face, if she does it again, you again say "no we don't do that" put her down and walk away. If she then starts to scream/cry/hurt herself you ignore her until she's calm and then carry on playing with her as if nothing has happenned. At that age, it's really quick to change things and after 3-4 days of putting her down and walking away every time she does that, she will stop. If you want to talk in more detail you can PM me.

ora_43

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 10:43 am

I agree with Cubbie 100%. It's not really "violence" per se, she's just experimenting. Later in life she'll probably dump her food on the floor, put pants on her head, etc, just to see what happens, even though she's presumably never seen that behavior elsewhere.

My older dd started biting at around 10 months, like yours she would bite then laugh at people's reactions--she thought it was a game. We just said "OW" or "NO" loudly when she did it then put her down and ignored her for a few seconds, again like Cubbie said. She stopped after a couple of weeks (it might have been sooner, but other adults in her life kept playing with her despite her biting and hitting).

greenfire

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 1:10 pm

while kids of this age do not know what they are doing ... it is up to you to gently but firmly put a stop to it ... by saying "no" and put the baby down ... it only becomes a problem if you let her and make a joke - she will grow to think it's funny and continue this behavior ...