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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:02 pm
Wondering how others react when another’s child is either bothering their own children, doing something dangerous or wrong
Do you say something to the child?
Do you say something to mother if she’s there?
Do you say something to your own child if they are being bothered? (As in lets go play somewhere else)
Would love to hear how others navigate this?
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amother
DarkOrange
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:04 pm
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I'm from the mother's that are outside supervising my kids. If an unsupervised kid bothers or hurts my kids then I do tell them off. If the mother is outside, I tell the mother first but if she ignores the situation, I tell the kid off myself.
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tweety1
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 6:33 pm
| amother DarkOrange wrote: | | I'm from the mother's that are outside supervising my kids. If an unsupervised kid bothers or hurts my kids then I do tell them off. If the mother is outside, I tell the mother first but if she ignores the situation, I tell the kid off myself. |
Same here. Danger or wrong? It's not my child. Bothering my child? Different story.
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hodeez
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 6:36 pm
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I will absolutely discipline your kid if you're not planning on it, especially if my kid is being affected.
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amother
Plum
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 6:36 pm
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Bothering my kid, I absolutely tell them to leave my kid alone. Real danger like running in front of cars I’ll say something to the mother or go get the kid myself. Danger that is based on different standards I’ll ignore.
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amother
Banana
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:12 pm
one time in the park, my 5 year old brought a toy and spent a lot of time setting it up. the park was empty and he was out of the way of everyone. I watched a kid (a bit younger maybe 4) walk right over and destroy it on purpose.
you bet I said something to the kid. in fact, what I said was: "do you see that you walked right into it? go away and give him space"
a minute later, mom comes over screaming at me that I yelled at her kid. I should have spoken to the mother first.
first of all, where were you until now? I didn't see her anywhere, or I would have. also, I didn't even raise my voice.
she says her kid is "sensitive". guess what - mine is also and also has a slew of issues. we had a whole back story of how he even agreed to leave the house and go to the park.
I apologized to the mother but I don't think she was right. then when her husband joined her later, she loudly pointed me out and talked about me in front of him.
I'm sorry if your kid has issues but he's not the only kid in the world and that doesn't mean my own kid doesn't have his own issues.
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amother
Copper
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:22 pm
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I do. There's a kid who always bothers my kid but the mother won't discipline him so I do it instead. Sorry gotta protect my kids. Why should they suffer just because the other mother won't parent her kids?
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amother
DarkGray
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:26 pm
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Definitely. Parents who don't discipline their kids, either because they're paying no attention or simply not bothered by the bad behavior, make my blood boil.
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amother
Sand
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:29 pm
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at the purim seudah. a little boy, probably around 4 faced me and said " I hate you, I hate you, I hate you". I was a little taken aback but tried to ignore it. later he picked his hand up and literally smacked me. his mother didn't see. I wasn't sure what to do. It didn't hurt or anything and he wasn't near my kids but still, I asked my dh and he told me to tell the mother so I did. she whispered to him and got him to say he was sorry. She commented that she gets calls from the school about him and is grateful he hasn't been kicked out yet....
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CPenzias
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:31 pm
| amother Banana wrote: | one time in the park, my 5 year old brought a toy and spent a lot of time setting it up. the park was empty and he was out of the way of everyone. I watched a kid (a bit younger maybe 4) walk right over and destroy it on purpose.
you bet I said something to the kid. in fact, what I said was: "do you see that you walked right into it? go away and give him space"
a minute later, mom comes over screaming at me that I yelled at her kid. I should have spoken to the mother first.
first of all, where were you until now? I didn't see her anywhere, or I would have. also, I didn't even raise my voice.
she says her kid is "sensitive". guess what - mine is also and also has a slew of issues. we had a whole back story of how he even agreed to leave the house and go to the park.
I apologized to the mother but I don't think she was right. then when her husband joined her later, she loudly pointed me out and talked about me in front of him.
I'm sorry if your kid has issues but he's not the only kid in the world and that doesn't mean my own kid doesn't have his own issues. |
Omg that mother is a piece of work. I would have walked over to the husband and asked why the wife wasn't watching her kid...because if she was and was still ok with her kid ruining your kids stuff and didn't apologize, she's a jerk. Ugh.
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CPenzias
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Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:32 pm
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I'm a teacher. I have to stop myself from disciplining other people's kids but if necessary I'll say something
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amother
Indigo
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 11:53 am
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I tell/ yell and give out helmets… I have a nephew who isn’t ok years after having an accident with a bike… I show his before and after pictures. I actually asked him 2 weeks before why he isn’t wearing a helmet, and his mom. So happy I didn’t stay quite
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amother
Maroon
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 12:49 pm
| amother Indigo wrote: | | I tell/ yell and give out helmets… I have a nephew who isn’t ok years after having an accident with a bike… I show his before and after pictures. I actually asked him 2 weeks before why he isn’t wearing a helmet, and his mom. So happy I didn’t stay quite |
You yell? At random strangers in the street?
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amother
Gladiolus
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 12:54 pm
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I have a really hard time in playgrounds for this reason. Everything makes me mad. Also I’m a pediatric hospital social worker so unsafe behavior is also hard for me to ignore. I almost always have my husband do playground duty for this reason
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malky800
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 12:58 pm
I have learnt the hard way. I would never ever discipline another person's child. It's none of my business.
If he is bothering me like the story of the kid who smacked you, or the child is hurting my own child, I ask them to stop and take my child away to protect my child . That's not discplining a child.
Discipline is telling the child 'you should not be smacking', or 'dont' run in the street'
That's not my job.
Any way, I have difficult children and I parent them my own way , whether or not you agree with it.
Come talk to me about it, but do not ever approach my child on your own and tell them what you think they should do.
Sorry, this is a huge pet peeve of mine.
Just because you see my child without a helmet, does not give you the right to go over to them and remind them that they should be wearing one.
I agree , it's 100% dangerous to be driving a bike without it, but at that moment , where my child is holding, gives another parent no right to tell him that except his own.
I was at a kiddush, and a kid was taking a few cookies from the tray. An older lady went to the kid and said, 'Little girl, you should only be taking 1 cookie'. ( I agree the kid should not be taking all the cookies on the tray ), but hey lady, none of your beeswax! Now the mother is mortified to ever look at that lady again.
Sorry, I am venting . Just please look the other way.
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Goody2shoes
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 1:04 pm
| malky800 wrote: | I have learnt the hard way. I would never ever discipline another person's child. It's none of my business.
If he is bothering me like the story of the kid who smacked you, or the child is hurting my own child, I ask them to stop and take my child away to protect my child . That's not discplining a child.
Discipline is telling the child 'you should not be smacking', or 'dont' run in the street'
That's not my job.
Any way, I have difficult children and I parent them my own way , whether or not you agree with it.
Come talk to me about it, but do not ever approach my child on your own and tell them what you think they should do.
Sorry, this is a huge pet peeve of mine.
Just because you see my child without a helmet, does not give you the right to go over to them and remind them that they should be wearing one.
I agree , it's 100% dangerous to be driving a bike without it, but at that moment , where my child is holding, gives another parent no right to tell him that except his own.
I was at a kiddush, and a kid was taking a few cookies from the tray. An older lady went to the kid and said, 'Little girl, you should only be taking 1 cookie'. ( I agree the kid should not be taking all the cookies on the tray ), but hey lady, none of your beeswax! Now the mother is mortified to ever look at that lady again.
Sorry, I am venting . Just please look the other way. |
I agree with you about the cookie story, the child isn't really bothering anyone. However, if this child would be bothering or hurting my kid and there are no parents around to stop him, you bet it's my business!
It doesn't really matter if they're difficult or how their parents choose to parent them, my kid is my responsibility. if they're getting hurt I will tell the other child off unless I see a parent to talk to.
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amother
Forsythia
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 1:20 pm
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I find this hard when its a playdate at my house and the kid is doing something wrong or annoying other family members making a big mess etc
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amother
DarkOrange
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 1:51 pm
| malky800 wrote: | I have learnt the hard way. I would never ever discipline another person's child. It's none of my business.
If he is bothering me like the story of the kid who smacked you, or the child is hurting my own child, I ask them to stop and take my child away to protect my child . That's not discplining a child.
Discipline is telling the child 'you should not be smacking', or 'dont' run in the street'
That's not my job.
Any way, I have difficult children and I parent them my own way , whether or not you agree with it.
Come talk to me about it, but do not ever approach my child on your own and tell them what you think they should do.
Sorry, this is a huge pet peeve of mine.
Just because you see my child without a helmet, does not give you the right to go over to them and remind them that they should be wearing one.
I agree , it's 100% dangerous to be driving a bike without it, but at that moment , where my child is holding, gives another parent no right to tell him that except his own.
I was at a kiddush, and a kid was taking a few cookies from the tray. An older lady went to the kid and said, 'Little girl, you should only be taking 1 cookie'. ( I agree the kid should not be taking all the cookies on the tray ), but hey lady, none of your beeswax! Now the mother is mortified to ever look at that lady again.
Sorry, I am venting . Just please look the other way. |
I'm sorry, but if your child is hurting my kid, especially repeatedly, & you're not around, then it is my business & I do have right to tell your child off. If you don't want others to discipline your kids, then don't leave them unsupervised where they can potentially bother other kids.
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amother
Strawberry
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 1:55 pm
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If one child hurts another child, and the parent of the child who was hurt takes their child away and leaves it at that, it sends the message that hurting other children is a valid way to "claim territory" and get the other kids taken out.
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amother
DarkOrange
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Wed, Mar 27 2024, 1:57 pm
My front porch somehow became a gathering place for the kids on the block, and I have a rule no eating on the porch. There was just too much garbage being left. One neighbors kids brought their dinner on the front porch every day, even after I repeatedly told the mother that I don't allow eating on the porch. So finally one day I told the kids "we don't allow food on here, please go home to eat."
Afew moment later, I hear a knock on my door, I open the door to see the neighbors kids empty dinner plates & trash on the stoop, and at that moment I got a text from the mother "please don't boss my kids"!
I couldn't get over it. I don't think I'll ever forget this.
This is how a mother that doesn't allow others to talk to her kids looks like.......
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