Please don't bring babies or young children to megillah

amother

Copper

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 11:58 am

At the megilla reading I went to there was a mother with a few children. The toddler was sitting on the mothers lap and burst out crying/screaming by every single haman. The other children were coming in and out, and the mother was sitting furthest from the door. One of the kids had a cane as part of his costume and every step he took there was a big bang as his cane hit the floor.
The mother never walked out. There is no way she heard every word but she stayed, and didnt even shush her kids or take away her sons cane at least.

I am young, I love children very much, but there is a time and place, and megilla reading (especially a womans reading) is NOT the place

amother

Camellia

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 12:05 pm

amother Copper wrote:

Exactly my brother can read and he has a Megillah he does a reading every Purim morning like 11 and he lets everyone know it’s baby friendly and plenty come then with there babies but they know he will stop and no one gets annoyed. Truthfully kids 8 and under don’t belong in shul at all for megilla. I always took turns with my big girls or I went to a neighbor etc

I feel we live in a society of entitlement and people don’t wanna make it work for them unless it comes conveniently. I have A baby so you make it work for me like seriously

ora_43

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 12:27 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

If they have a very low tolerance then you don't bring them until you're absolutely sure.

With respect, this is just repeating what I was replying to earlier. I'm not saying that parents should bring kids who they think will bother everyone. I'm asking how they are supposed to know. What does 'absolutely sure' look like?

And if there's no objective definition for what "ready" looks like, how can we judge parents who get it wrong? Like, you can't say "you just know" but then also judge someone whose 8-year-old misbehaved; maybe she "just knew" her kid would behave just like you "just knew" yours would, it's just she was the one unlucky enough to be wrong.

I didn't mention people with difficulties re: megillah as an argument that they should be allowed to bother everyone. I mentioned it as another layer in the same question: but how are parents supposed to know that their child might react badly, when megillah has unique challenges? A child who does fine in shul on a normal day might react badly at megillah because of the noise; a child who is normally impatient might do much better during megillah because of the noise and costumes.

Again, none of this is an argument that people should go ahead and bother others during readings. It's an argument that we shouldn't judge too harshly, because if we're being honest with ourselves none of us truly knew our kids were ready the first time they sat through megillah - we made an educated guess, and were lucky enough to be right, that's all.

amother

Moccasin

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 1:45 pm

amother Camellia wrote:

How did you come up with the age of eight? I have kids who had been listening to megillah, completely quietly and following along with their fingers at the place, for years by the time they were eight.

amother

Camellia

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 1:50 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

Cause I have a big family bh and I found that above 8 they are more behaved don’t need a bathroom don’t eat during Megillah etc

amother

Moccasin

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 1:59 pm

I'm sure that there are some children below the age of eight who need the bathroom or need to eat during megilla. I'm sure that there are some children above the age of eight who need the above too. And then there are some kids below the age of eight who are just fine. So basically you found that for your children, eight is the magic age. But there are other families who will have different findings, and some families in which there is not one magic age for all children.

(And there are opinions that children are obligated in megilla from age six or seven, so certainly eight is not universal.)

I think that this reflects the danger of extrapolating from our circumstances and experiences to set policy for everyone else.

amother

Navy

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 3:16 pm

ora_43 wrote:

With respect, this is just repeating what I was replying to earlier. I'm not saying that parents should bring kids who they think will bother everyone. I'm asking how they are supposed to know. What does 'absolutely sure' look like?

And if there's no objective definition for what "ready" looks like, how can we judge parents who get it wrong? Like, you can't say "you just know" but then also judge someone whose 8-year-old misbehaved; maybe she "just knew" her kid would behave just like you "just knew" yours would, it's just she was the one unlucky enough to be wrong.

I didn't mention people with difficulties re: megillah as an argument that they should be allowed to bother everyone. I mentioned it as another layer in the same question: but how are parents supposed to know that their child might react badly, when megillah has unique challenges? A child who does fine in shul on a normal day might react badly at megillah because of the noise; a child who is normally impatient might do much better during megillah because of the noise and costumes.

Again, none of this is an argument that people should go ahead and bother otherHis during readings. It's an argument that we shouldn't judge too harshly, because if we're being honest with ourselves none of us truly knew our kids were ready the first time they sat through megillah - we made an educated guess, and were lucky enough to be right, that's all.

Please! Most people know their kids. Whether they are capable of sitting through megillah leining or not.
I wasn’t sure about my 8 and 9 year old. So they stayed home.
I was worried they wouldn’t be getting this chinuch experience.
But, I will not be yotzei on others cheshbon.

amother

Amaryllis

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 9:55 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

Sorry to nitpick, but how young do your kids start reading well enough that they’re able to keep their finger on the place? Megillah reading is speedy and even my seven year old asked me to keep track of the place for her

Are you Israeli?

amother

Foxglove

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 5:02 pm

So many mothers have the challenge of making it to megillah, with or without kids. Do we really need another six pages making them feel bad? Any time I've had to bring my kids to megillah, it was not by choice. And it was super stressful trying to make sure they were quiet. What is the point of this thread other than to make women feel bad for trying to fulfill their obligations?

Genius

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 5:05 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

Didn’t read the thread. But when you bring kids neither you nor anyone else in the room is fulfilling their obligations. It’s a thorny issue.

teachkids

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 5:06 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

Because the rest of us who put the effort to make it megillah without our kids and have the reading ruined get frustrated by having to make the time to hear it a second time. Find the child friendly reading or someone who can come do a women's reading with kids in your home- I guarantee if you reach out to your rav asap he'll be able to help you out

amother

Mauve

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 5:14 pm

teachkids wrote:

You do NOT need to hear megillah again if you missed a word.
This is a common misconception that women have.

teachkids

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 5:19 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

You do NOT need to hear megillah again if you missed a word.
This is a common misconception that women have.

Source? Because that's against anything I've ever learned and I've learned the halacha seforim inside.

Yes you can make up the words, but I can't read fast enough to ever pull that off.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 5:24 pm

teachkids wrote:

Source? Because that's against anything I've ever learned and I've learned the halacha seforim inside.

Yes you can make up the words, but I can't read fast enough to ever pull that off.

According to many poskim, You don't have to make up the words either. If you're in the same room as the baal koreh & answer amen to the brachos, then you're yotzeh even if you didn't hear every word.
This megillah panic, is only a thing by women. It's a self made anxiety.
When a woman thinks that she needs to hear megillah again, it's important to ask a Rav before doing so.