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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Mar 12 2023, 1:39 am
The other threads got me thinking…
How can we raise our children to be grateful for what we do for them? Looking for practical ideas.
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amother
Honey
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 1:44 am
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effess
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 1:50 am
I’m the ungrateful child who is slowly learning gratefulness. Bh!
Modeling goes a long way.
Trying to teach children to notice what others have done.
I’m sure more ppl will chime in…
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amother
Honeysuckle
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 1:52 am
I guess by not spoiling them rotten.
Giving them responsibility and accountability.
Don’t coddle them when they’re young and expect them to grow into mature, appreciative adults.
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amother
Phlox
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:12 am
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Volunteer work. Seeing other realities can make them appreciate. Also don't do everything for them, they need to make their beds, help set the table, put their things away, a family is a group and everyone should collaborate.
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Rappel
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:16 am
I'm pouring your cereal. You know why? Because I love you!
I'm looking for your pencil case... Because I love you!
I'm washing your shirts... You know why? Because I love you!
I'm washing the floor. You know why? Because I love you!
I'm going food shopping. You know why? Because I love you!
I'm
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BatZion
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:22 am
Being a role model of gratitude
Speaking about what and who we're grateful for in front of them and with them
Some families will go around the table at the Shabbat table (or even every day) with each person saying something/someone they are grateful for from today
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effess
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:29 am
| Rappel wrote: | I'm pouring your cereal. You know why? Because I love you!
I'm looking for your pencil case... Because I love you!
I'm washing your shirts... You know why? Because I love you!
I'm washing the floor. You know why? Because I love you!
I'm going food shopping. You know why? Because I love you!
I'm |
If you can’t host me does that mean you don’t love me? I know the answer is of course not. But how does this translate into gratefulness?
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amother
Snowflake
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:34 am
| BatZion wrote: | Being a role model of gratitude
Speaking about what and who we're grateful for in front of them and with them
Some families will go around the table at the Shabbat table (or even every day) with each person saying something/someone they are grateful for from today |
This!
It's called adopting an attitude of gratitude.
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amother
Moonstone
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 3:47 am
I think being openly and exuberantly grateful toward your own parents and in laws goes a long way.
My mil is constantly criticizing her own mil and to a lesser extent her parents. No wonder her own kids are quite demanding and ungrateful.
I try to praise my parents and in law to my kids and don't let them hear any of my complaints.
"Isn't Babby wonderful for hosting us for a meal this shabbos? It's probably not easy, so I'm going to offer to make a lot of food."
"Wow! Zaidy is coming to your chumash play? Do you realize how kind it is that he is taking the time out of his day just because he loves you? We are so lucky!"
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camp123
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:33 am
Model being grateful, thank your kids, your husband, your parents infront of your kids.
Tell your kids to thank you when you do things for them. (don't drive then crazy and do it all the time).
Like I will say to my daughter, it was really hard for me to come fetch you from your friend, but I wanted to do it for you, because I want to help you. But, remember to say thank you to me. Don't let them take everything you do for them for granted.
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#BestBubby
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:40 am
Ideally Totty should praise and thank Mommy for all she does, and get kids to do the same - and to
Help Mommy.
Mommy should praise and thank Totty for all he does, and get kids to do sane - and help Totty.
Rebbes and Moros should talk about Hokoras HaTov for Parents and to help at home.
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nicole81
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 4:50 am
I make sure to model appreciation in the household, be it to my kids, husband, etc. My husband does it too. The kids pick it up, ie always thanking me for meals I cook, doing something special for them
There have been times with my older kids that I've outright told them I feel like im being used (as an atm card or whatever) and they need to be more cognizant of how they interact with me. I've explained to them how hard I work and that it's not easy to do certain things. That changed their perspective a lot and they've been much more appreciative.
When the younger kids are interacting with each other, I point out opportunities where they could have/should have appreciated each other and model the words for them. This helps too.
With all the kids, on the semi-rare occasion when they say something that's not the nicest, or unappreciative, instead of being upset, I just smile and respond with a rephrase of what they should have said "ie thank you mommy so much for getting me such nice curtains for my room and installing them. Id really appreciate if we can finish the last window so please let me know when you have the time" instead of " ughhhh mommmmmmy when are you going to put up my last curtain already??" This usually stops them in their tracks and they rephrase themselves and we move on.
It's a process. And you need to be very attuned to opportunities for gratitude that you and the kids have. You need to be purposeful in seeking them out and setting examples. It does work though.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 5:16 am
| BatZion wrote: | Being a role model of gratitude
Speaking about what and who we're grateful for in front of them and with them
Some families will go around the table at the Shabbat table (or even every day) with each person saying something/someone they are grateful for from today |
Excellent post!
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#BestBubby
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 11:55 am
Parents should model
Sameiach Bchelko, being happy and thankful for what Hashem has given us
And not being consumed with envy at those who appear to have more.
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NotInNJMommy
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 11:59 am
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We have to model gratitude and also healthy boundaries. At a certain age, I don't need to retrieve the cereal/milk/bowl....or maybe I don't have to even pour the cereal and/or milk. I don't need to necessarily putaway, let alone fold or do their laundry....Obviously this is all age and situationally dependent, but a combination of showing my own appreciation in addition to expecting/teaching self sufficiency and responsibility is I think what is needed. And much easier said than done.
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little neshamala
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 12:04 pm
| amother OP wrote: | The other threads got me thinking…
How can we raise our children to be grateful for what we do for them? Looking for practical ideas. |
My husband and I constantly tell our kids about what the other has done, to be grateful, show appreciation etc. We wont say it about ourselves, but we often say things like "Daddy went out of his way after having a really hard day at work to take you to the library, please make sure you say a really big thank you, Mommy stayed up really late just to make you the cake we like for yomtov-lets make sure we show her we appreciate it...."
That kinda thing.
We do see that slowly it rubs off on the kids and they say things on their own as well
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mushkamothers
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 12:07 pm
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On our Sunday family trips (the kids are little) I thank myself lol. "Thank you mommy for packing snacks, choosing a trip etc and thank you tatty for driving us" and I also ask each kid what was their favorite part that they're thankful they experienced
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amother
Canary
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 12:10 pm
Focus on giving modeling and showing hakaros hatov to our parents and ILs
This is how kids learn - by watching us do that which we want them to learn
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Fox
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Sun, Mar 12 2023, 12:20 pm
As Moonstone said, the only way is to treat your parents the way you want to be treated.
Your kids must see you making yourself uncomfortable on behalf of your parents. They must see you doing things you'd prefer not to do with a leiv simcha. They must see you elevating your parents' desires above your own convenience.
Yes, it can be difficult when one or more parties is dysfunctional or unreasonable in some way. Nevertheless, you have to find a way.
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