Did you receive acknowledgement for Purim Tip?

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:41 pm

amother Almond wrote:

It's common courtesy to thank people for gifts, especially when people extend themselves during such an expensive time of year. You can make all the excuses for yourself that you want, it doesn't change the facts that it's nice to say thank you.

Everyone agrees that it's nice to say thank you. What I'm saying was, that if someone didn't say thank you, it wasn't because they were rude. It wasn't coming from a bad place.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:43 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

I was one of the "married morahs" at a summer daycamp where tipping is pretty much required, the camp really pushes it. I'm not from a tipping culture, so I had no idea what the norm was, but I knew a lot of my campers parents really could not afford the suggested tips and gave it anyway. I wrote thank you cards while the kids were napping on the last day, and the other married morahs were all very upset with me for doing that. Like, it made them look bad. Well yeah it did!! My campers parents paid thousands for camp and now that have to pay even more? You BET I'm going to thank them!! I did so every summer after for a total of five years, and every summer everyone got mad at me. But the parents themselves told me in passing that the fact that I cared enough to recognize their tip was actually the reason they pushed themselves to tip me; that I cared about them and their kids and it showed.

Why didn't you offer to include their name in the thank you?

amother

Almond

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:44 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Everyone agrees that it's nice to say thank you. What I'm saying was, that if someone didn't say thank you, it wasn't because they were rude. It wasn't coming from a bad place.

Sometimes it is because they were rude. Did you read the previous post where the other morahs were upset at the morah who sent home thank you cards because she made them look bad? That seems pretty rude to me.

amother

Almond

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:44 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Why didn't you offer to include their name in the thank you?

Maybe they were from other bunks and therefore different parents.

The other morahs should/could have learned from her and wrote notes during naptime too. Or printed them the night before.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:50 pm

amother Almond wrote:

I find that there are always those Morahs who want to sound better than others. They would send home a note and write only their name when they could have easily included everyone's name. Or they bring something to give out the last day of school from then, and make sure not to tell the others. When the others realize it's too late for them to do anything.
When those people work with me, it starts being so competitive, and it really takes away from my energy that I have for the kids.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:51 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Why didn't you offer to include their name in the thank you?

Each group had one morah and other young teens as counselors. The others were all in other bunks, so those morahs got tips from other parents. Including their names would have made no sense, as they weren't those kids morah. I hope that made sense.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:53 pm

amother Almond wrote:

Maybe they were from other bunks and therefore different parents.

The other morahs should/could have learned from her and wrote notes during naptime too. Or printed them the night before.

Lol thanks, you said it more clearly than me.

The other morahs could have sent notes, there was plenty of time in the day. They preferred to sit and chat with each other... about me.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:55 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Ok, what? This has nothing to do with me being competitive or wanting to sound better. It was about thanking them for parting with their money to give to me, after being forced to by the camp. The least I could do was thank them for it. Why would I have included other women's names on the card, considering they did not get tips from these people, they got tips from their own campers parents?!

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 2:55 pm

amother Almond wrote:

Maybe they were from other bunks and therefore different parents.

The other morahs should/could have learned from her and wrote notes during naptime too. Or printed them the night before.

Why would they be upset then?
In my class one teacher thinks of what to write on the note. I happen to be good with computers so I type it up and the organized Morah makes sure it gets home. Yes, I always work with another Morah that's more organized than me. I'm the one thinking up of the projects. She makes sure they are practical to do with little kids.

I find that many things that take me a minute to do on the computer, other organized people have a hard time with it. If you are not so good with technology you might understand me that way. (Many organized people are not good with computers, my experience)

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 3:02 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Sigh. I wrote hand written thank you notes while the kids were napping.

Again, there was no reason to include the other women, because they were not in my bunk. It would have been weird for Morah Sima's name to appear on a thank you note to Mrs. Cohen, considering Gavi Cohen was not in her bunk. Morah Sima could have sat down and written thank you notes for her own camper's parents.

They were mad because writing thank you cards "is not done" and rather than write them or just say, "Ok, Morah Dassi wrote cards, that was her thing, to each their own", they decided I made them look bad. Did I? Who knows.

In my opinion you can never go wrong thanking someone.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 3:04 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Maybe not in your case, but it happens plenty. I can't work with competitive people who try to outshine the other.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 3:07 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Maybe not in your case, but it happens plenty. I can't work with competitive people who try to outshine the other.

Yes, and I was talking about my case. And one last time, there was no reason for me to write anyone else's name on the thank yous, considering I wrote for MY BUNK and not theirs. No competition.

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 3:07 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Why would it make them look bad if it's not the same parent?

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 3:30 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

No idea. That was what I was told though. They thought my thank yous made them look bad.

I respect you. I misunderstood you before.

Eta: I respect all the thanks you writers, I just wish they wouldn't call me rude when I'm so nice to their kids. They don't even know because they are not there to see it.

(If you ask me, I think I'm the nicest to the kids and the most patient than all the others, but I'm obviously biased.)

amother

Maroon

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 3:37 pm

I don’t understand the suggestions to text parents to say thank you. I teach older high school girls in a RW Bais Yaakov. I have no idea how to text the parents and it would feel weird, overstepping boundaries, to do so. I have never had teachers in junior high and high school respond with a thank you to my MM.

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 3:44 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Over the years I figured our a system of how to remember. I take pictures of what I get and then review them at home. But the first 2 years I didn't thank or thanked the wrong people.
And thanks for the wording. You weren't there to give it to me when I needed it.
If something takes you 2 minutes it's possible that for another person it's challenging. Many times I would rather not get the gift than going through the thank you process. It can be anxiety provoking for many people.

I'm someone who would rather not get a gift than go through the thank you process. I really struggle with social anxiety. I don't have a lot of people's numbers or know how to get them, so if someone did send me something, I might not know how to get back to them. And then I have this pressure at the back of my mind and it stays until I think it's been too long and I can't say it now.
I also think that how many times do I need to thank? If I said thank you to them in person, do I really need to do a follow up with a text message saying thank you?

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 4:03 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Are you a teacher? A teacher should absolutely know how to get back to their students' parents. Especially at this point in the year when you have presumably been in contact with them. If not, They should also have a class list with phone number.
People are making this out to be a lot more complicated than it is.
As someone who is on both sides, it takes a lot more energy to write cards and checks to all the teachers than it is to send short thank you texts to the parents who gave to me.

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 4:05 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Everyone agrees that it's nice to say thank you. What I'm saying was, that if someone didn't say thank you, it wasn't because they were rude. It wasn't coming from a bad place.

If you don't say thank you, then yes you are rude and have bad middos. It's not just something "nice."
Same way if I accidentally step on someone's toe and I don't apologize that is rude.
Its basic basic manner. Stop trying to justify it.