Teenagers Missing School

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:14 pm

amother Grape wrote:

Most teens are happy to miss school if necessary. No big deal.

Have you done a survey to base this on, or just a broad assumption?

I can tell you that sure, my teens would love to miss school, but then they go nuts when having to make up the work, and they do want to succeed....so no, when they do a cost-benefit analysis, they are not happy to miss school, and it most certainly can be a big deal.

amother

Dimgray

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:27 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I wonder at the schools where the teachers here posted that it would not be a big deal to miss their own classes if the girls got notes afterwards. If that is the case, then the class is not being taught at a high level. Then it is just spit back. And in any event, there are discussions during class that are supposed to broaden the mind and make one think in different ways. You don't get this from notes. I hated missing school and so did my kids for this reason.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:31 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Oh, come on! How is it abuse for a child to stay home once in a blue moon? Most kids are excited for a day off. Abuse? Come on. Yes, this is being dramatic.

You are keeping them off not to have a fun bonding day with them, but to be your unpaid employee while they will then have to work harder to catch up all the work they miss in school.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:33 pm

amother Grape wrote:

Most teens are happy to miss school if necessary. No big deal.

- Most teens are happy to sleep to noon. No big deal.
- Most teens are happy to drink only soda and eat only chocolate. No big deal.

Of course they are happy to miss school, but it is a big deal.

amother

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:44 pm

amother Grape wrote:

Really no big deal. Once in a while, if it's important enough, it's okay to miss school.
Life is too short to be uptight and pressured and stressed over these things.

What constitutes once in a while?
What constitutes important enough?

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:44 pm

amother Grape wrote:

Really no big deal. Once in a while, if it's important enough, it's okay to miss school.
Life is too short to be uptight and pressured and stressed over these things.

Yes but that's not what OP is talking about. She is actually discussing where it's not so once in a while.....and it's actually a parent transferrig their pressure and stress to their teen.
And by posters (like yourself) saying it's no big deal, they validate their position where it actually is.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:50 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

You are keeping them off not to have a fun bonding day with them, but to be your unpaid employee while they will then have to work harder to catch up all the work they miss in school.

Oh my, bh I'm not such an hysterical dramatic person, and neither are my kids. Bh we're not so uptight and don't lose it if a child nebach has to stay home for a day and is quite happy about it.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:51 pm

Chayalle wrote:

No one is saying that it's ok to do this regularly more than once in a while. No one is saying that it's ok to pressure and stress a teen.
Some of you are taking this so out of context.

amother

Magnolia

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:59 pm

I don't think I would but my kids are much younger. I would however keep a kid home to go shopping once a season or so or before a simcha to avoid crowds & get service. I can't handle crowded stores & it takes so much faster when the sales people are available for you. I think it's brilliant.

I also think it's reasonable when mom Has a baby for an older teen to take a couple days off to help with the younger kids. I consider this an exceptional situation.

Trademark

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:00 pm

amother Grape wrote:

Really no big deal. Once in a while, if it's important enough, it's okay to miss school.
Life is too short to be uptight and pressured and stressed over these things.

I agree, if the teen wants to stay home here and there, why not?

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Oh my, bh I'm not such an hysterical dramatic person, and neither are my kids. Bh we're not so uptight and don't lose it if a child nebach has to stay home for a day and is quite happy about it.

You are being extreme and you know it. Everyone was super clear that doing it often is the issue.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:08 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

You are being extreme and you know it. Everyone was super clear that doing it often is the issue.

No, you're all being extreme and taking it out of context. No one here is saying that it's ok to do it often. I, and other's, keep on posting it's ok to do once in a while and you're all jumping as if it's the worst thing to do. No one here said that it's ok to do this often.

balance

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:11 pm

I had an important meeting on a day when my husband couldn't be around and a 5 year old with strep. No babysitter here will take a kid who is sick so my 18 yr old stayed with him.

When I dislocated my shoulder and I couldn't do anything physical, she stayed home to prepare Shabbos.

On the day of my grandmother's levaya with a 2 week old baby, she stayed with the baby.

When I had a baby she chose (without me knowing) to stay home to prepare the house for the baby.

When my niece was in hospital my girls took shifts to stay with her.

There are times when it's the right thing but some people take advantage. My girls are fine with catching up he work. My daughter's high school has a policy that you have to get permission the night before for these types of absences or else it is marked as an unexcused absence and this week they were really strict about it otherwise there are girls who stay home to help at home.

The thing is, some girls want to stay home and help. And some cultures helping at home is a priority over schooling. I don't think that's wrong, it's a different priority. Live and let live.

amother

Oak

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:25 pm

Realistically, if the school sees this is happening, they need to talk to the parents. If it's benefitting the girl, ok. If it's not, it's likely that the parents don't see another avenue. I think the right reponse is, "You're in a hard place. Can we help connect you to resourses to find other coverage?"

Sometimes people really don't have other options- they don't see them, they don't have the mental energy or time to network out, maybe they have deficits. If you give them some practical help they will gladly grab it and find something.

amother

Grape

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:27 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I'm continuing the flow of conversation where people said once in a while, in an emergency or when no other good choice.

amother

Grape

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

What constitutes once in a while?
What constitutes important enough?

Once every few months
Important is relative, depends on each family's situation and needs.

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:53 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

Re: the bolded. I disagree totally. There is a lot wrong with missing school without a valid reason (eg illness) just as it is wrong to skive off work. A child taught that it is ok to ditch school may grow up to believe it is ok to ditch work. I pity their future employers. And I totally agree with the poster who said they don’t use their kids to do their adulting for them.

Nah, my kids ditch school for fun or to take a break and they never missed a day of their work. They have jobs on Sundays, after school, and during vacations.

This is just plain dramatic.

amother

Wine

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 4:53 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

Quoted the wrong person, this is meant for lightpink.

Just throwing this out there. I know adults who were raised like that. They have issues holding down jobs because they never practiced having to be responsible, show up on time and stick to boring or unwanted tasks. It is setting them up for failure.

This is not necessarily a given. My mother was like lightpink. Super chilled and fun. My siblings and I took alot of "mental health"/lazy days, shopping days, travel days etc. Sometimes we stayed home to help if we wanted to and my mother needed us for something specific. I am 40 now, and have had the same job for over 15 years and certainly am not failing at it or not showing up on time.
I raise my kids the same. BH we are all very happy, living a laid back enjoyable life Smile

My kids are geshikt and capable and I have no reason to think they wont hold down jobs or that I am setting them up for failure.

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 6:33 pm

I am astounded at hearing these responses. I thought thread would be about teenager not wanting to go to school & taking the time off (which mine do from time to time). But parents asking kids to stay home or requiring it - definitely not in my circles. Seems from here it is common in some places but I have never heard of it. In Emergencies I would take little kids with me, or drop them at a babysitter or a friend. It would not occur to me to ask my teenager to stay home from school. Definitely not for a non-emergency situation. My high school teens are now home until after Pesach - even though I have work for another week! I would have them cook for pesach - but I'm not turned over yet and still have pesach cleaning to do.