S/o PSA if you are having guests who have a baby under 6 mon

zaq

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:01 pm

Perhaps the OP would have been received with less hostility had she not blamed the hostess for her own anxiety (she was supposed to know this, how exactly?) and had it not come on the tail of several other so-called PSAs excoriating hosts who committed the unforgivable crime of inviting people for a meal without predicting, and equipping their homes to satisfy, their guests' every possible potential need.
Copycat much?

Last edited by zaq on Sun, May 07 2023, 4:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

bebrave

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:02 pm

Also really don't understand those who are offering nursing advice on how op shouldn't be nursing that long each time! op didn't ask your advice on that matter as far as I'm aware and she seems to be quite knowledgeable about her baby's needs:)

giftedmom

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:11 pm

Bring a good coverup or feed bottles as well if this is so traumatic for you.
I give my babies bottles so they are more portable, but also, with young infants I nurse all over, especially in secular settings. Throw the tomatoes. I don’t even put on an official coverup. Just keep my top down and assume no one is staring to catch a glimpse. Ofcourse I wouldn’t do this by someone’s shabbos meal, but I totally would use a coverup that completely obscures.

amother

Cerise

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:16 pm

OP sorry you had to go through that but did you not think about staying home if you're going to be nursing for almost half the time you're there?
What about the hostess? How must she feel about having her guest leave the table for 40 minute breaks?

amother

Chestnut

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:17 pm

I now live in a house so if someone needed to nurse there are places but when I lived in an apartment there weren't options.
I remember once letting someone nurse in our bedroom and my husband was really upset. He felt very violated, he values his privacy a lot and didnt feel it was appropriate. I'm sure he's not the only one like that.
Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you're entitled to someone's bedroom.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:20 pm

All of these very helpful responses are for "next time".
What happened happened. To OP, it seemed normal that host should have an available space for nursing since host knew she has a newborn.
I dont call this blame. She was truly unaware.
Now, after this thread, she knows otherwise.

amother

Pear

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:27 pm

I don't nurse so it wouldn't even dawn on me but if someone showed up to my house for a Friday night meal there would truly be no private space other than the bathroom. My kids are little and they are asleep in their rooms by the meal and my main floor is open concept so dining room/kitchen/family room are not private. I don't care if you don't care about the mess in my bedroom I'm still not letting you sit there to nurse. Guess I should take guests with nursing babies off my list of invites.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:29 pm

amother Pear wrote:

That's an example of how this PSA was helpful

amother

Mimosa

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:55 pm

This brings back memories of going to my in laws Friday nights.
I would have loved to nurse in the bathroom, but they only have one bathroom besides for the one in my in laws room and the younger kids were scared to go upstairs to that bathroom at night, so the regular bathroom was out of the question.
The bedrooms were pitch black, so I opened the door to let in a bit of light, and my little brothers in law kept trying to peek in and see what I was doing. My mil didn't nurse, so this was a major curiosity for these boys.
It wasn't fun! I offered to buy them a shabbos lamp, but they found this insulting unfortunately and I didn't push it.
By the time my husband's sister had a baby, there were shabbos lamps in the bedrooms bH!

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:05 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

That's an example of how this PSA was helpful

Huh? Better not to invite guets if you don't have a perfect room for them to nurse in?

I would be very upset if I was removed from a guest list because of that. So no this is not a helpful outcome for most people.

YounginBP

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:27 pm

amother Pear wrote:

Actual no, they can take a kitchen chair and turn to the wall. The guys can avert their eyes.

I also find it lonely to nurse in a quiet dark room for a while.
It got better by my second, I was happy for some quiet and the fomo diminished.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:29 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

You're right. I was referring to the part of the host assessing the situation from guest pov, which was made aware by this PSA.
The poster's solution to the problem, by removing guests from the list, is another story. I was not referring to that.

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:29 pm

amother Oak wrote:

Then they knock on the door, you unlatch the baby, fix you shirt, come out of the bathroom and use the time to burp the baby. Hope they don’t make the bathroom smell, go in and finish when they are done.
Really not so complicated. Do you not put away your first side and burp the baby before offering the second side?

And all the while, your baby is screaming because you interrupted their meal. You can’t stop the milk squirting, and then they won’t relatch because they’re insulted and hysterical. Sounds like a plan.

amother

Pear

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:55 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

Assuming I don't want to be the subject of the next imamother thread how do you think I should host nursing guests? Tell them to sit in the bathroom? I already know that gets people up in arms. Tell them to give a bottle? Ha definitely not.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:58 pm

amother Pear wrote:

Have we forgotten about communication?
Can you tell your guest beforehand that you don't have any available nursing space, if she can manage w/o nursing.

amother

Lotus

Sun, May 07 2023, 6:40 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

Have we forgotten about communication?
Can you tell your guest beforehand that you don't have any available nursing space, if she can manage w/o nursing.

How about guest asking hostess beforehand what's available and then politely declining if it seems infeasible. The onus, as someone already said, is on the person with special needs to notify the hostess of her needs, not to assume they'll be met and then go on a rampage because they weren't.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, May 07 2023, 6:43 pm

amother Lotus wrote:

My response was to the host after gaining awareness of this.
My response to a guest would be to communicate her needs to the host beforehand.

amother

Oak

Sun, May 07 2023, 6:58 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

Amazing I nursed all my kids for 18 months+ and seemed to manage. Slip on a nursing pad. Close your bra. It stops in a minute. Pat/burp the baby and as soon as they are done they will latch on again.
You are making problems where there don’t need to be any.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, May 07 2023, 6:59 pm

OP so sorry you're getting so beaten up on this thread. Exclusively bf mom here and I am so with you on this. I'm sorry you had to nurse in such a dark and cold room! And for those saying just give a bottle- it doesn't work that way. But most importantly please ignore the people who are being rude and mean on this thread. Think of it as a bad experience that hopefully won't happen again!