Lag Ba’omer feelings

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Other special days

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:38 pm

amother

Hosta

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:43 pm

I’m with you.
The day is ruined for me forever.
We are definitely not the only ones.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:46 pm

So funny, I was going to start a thread that I can’t disassociate lag baomar from the tragedy, it’s just one and the same to me….

amother

Dimgray

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:48 pm

Me too. I'm sure there are many more people who feel this way

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:52 pm

The whole time I was thinking, "kedai rabi shimon lismoch alav," and feeling so betrayed. I also can't handle lag bomer anymore. It's not the same happy yom tov.

amother

Petunia

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:55 pm

Same. The songs trigger such sadness and fear and pain instead of joy and hope they used to.
Ruined day for me too..

amother

Jade

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:58 pm

[quote="amother OP"]I can’t get over the depressingly sad feeling I get since the terrible tragedy two years ago whenever I think of lag Ba’omer or hear its songs. I’m watching the live streams and everyone is singing and dancing and I’m crying. Anyone else feel this way?
It just seems so wrong to dance at a place of such tragedy. I understand that it’s such a special and holy day but there are such strong emotions and I feel like everyone is oblivious[/quote

There are so many people like us. I don’t think anybody is oblivious. Did you see the Boyanner Rebbe lighting candles l’ilui nishmos those who died at kever Rashbi before he lit the medura? Even during the dancing that followed there was something solemn about his demeanor.
We’re people who sing and dance and cry all at the same time. It’s always been like that. I had an elderly relative who said the last memory he had of his grandfather and father was of them singing Hallel in the cattle car on the way to Auschwitz because that day was a day when Hallel is recited. I would have thought he’d never be able to sing those words and tunes again, but he did for many years.

PinkFridge

Mon, May 08 2023, 5:12 pm

It's not getting over it or getting past it, but moving on. Maybe knowing that the families are continuing to move on in their lives, while leaving a space for their loved ones, can help. You can read about the Morrises in last week's Mishpacha.

And https://animaamin.net/ .

Also, https://animaamin.net/ .

If any of these articles and links lead you to do something positive to fill the void (and let me include Donny Morris's now legendary to do list) that will create such positive energy in this world. It's surely a nechama for the family.

Hugs. Your feelings are coming from a good, caring part of you.

PinkFridge

Mon, May 08 2023, 5:14 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

The whole time I was thinking, "kedai rabi shimon lismoch alav," and feeling so betrayed. I also can't handle lag bomer anymore. It's not the same happy yom tov.

You know, Rabbi Shimon himself lived through so much that could have made him cynical. Instead he kept his faith and was one of 5 (5!) talmidim who are pretty much the direct spiritual ancestors of the mesorah as we know it today.

Obviously he was on a madreiga we can't fathom. But he was human. And needed to tap deep into himself to find the kochos to carry on. Maybe somehow we can tap into that same spiritual energy.

PinkFridge

Mon, May 08 2023, 5:17 pm

[quote="amother Jade"]

amother OP wrote:

I can’t get over the depressingly sad feeling I get since the terrible tragedy two years ago whenever I think of lag Ba’omer or hear its songs. I’m watching the live streams and everyone is singing and dancing and I’m crying. Anyone else feel this way?
It just seems so wrong to dance at a place of such tragedy. I understand that it’s such a special and holy day but there are such strong emotions and I feel like everyone is oblivious[/quote

There are so many people like us. I don’t think anybody is oblivious. Did you see the Boyanner Rebbe lighting candles l’ilui nishmos those who died at kever Rashbi before he lit the medura? Even during the dancing that followed there was something solemn about his demeanor.
We’re people who sing and dance and cry all at the same time. It’s always been like that. I had an elderly relative who said the last memory he had of his grandfather and father was of them singing Hallel in the cattle car on the way to Auschwitz because that day was a day when Hallel is recited. I would have thought he’d never be able to sing those words and tunes again, but he did for many years.

There's a story that was in a recent Yated about Rabbi Dee of Efrat. During davening on Pesach, Hallel in his minyan was very subdued and he motioned to the chazzan, or maybe he told him outright, I don't remember, to give the kehilla a lebedige Hallel.

This the 2023 version of your grandfather, Jade.

May this be the milchama ha'acharona, and may we enter a new reality where we won't need these role models any more.

amother

Crimson

Mon, May 08 2023, 5:20 pm

My cousin was niftar in meron Sad

PinkFridge

Mon, May 08 2023, 5:22 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

My cousin was niftar in meron Sad

I'm so sorry.
I hope my posts weren't tone deaf to your loss.
Hug

amother

Mon, May 08 2023, 6:39 pm

Thank you, it feels good to know I’m not alone .

I know we are a people that know how to find a time for sadness and a time for joy etc but this is so specific and still so raw in my heart. I was surprised at the intensity of my reaction ..,

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, May 08 2023, 7:15 pm

Ugh yes tears come to my eyes when I hear lag baomer music. It’s the last thing that the victims heard in this world. They went to celebrate and connect to Judaism and died in such a brutal, cruel fashion. Las Baomer will never be the same for me again. It used to have so much warmth and connection, now it just feels traumatic and unfair.

And this is coming from a person who doesn’t know any of the victims or their families or friends personally. I cannot begin to imagine the agony that the family and friends feel on lag baomer. What an awful tragedy.

amother

Peony

Mon, May 08 2023, 7:24 pm

Same. My husband asked if I wanted to watch the live stream with him and my answer was a visceral no.

amother

Obsidian

Mon, May 08 2023, 7:32 pm

People haven't moved on and forgotten. That's the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Lag ba'omer fires. I will never forget where I was when I heard, nor will I ever forget the heart-wrenching tears of the relative that broke down as he told us about watching it on a live stream as it unfolded. Horrific.

pgk

Mon, May 08 2023, 8:18 pm

As a family member of one of the kedoshim this day is extremely difficult for me. I can not bring myself to click on the livestream. And driving through the streets of Brooklyn seeing the streets closed off with music in the ear moves the pit in my stomach up to my throat. Tears well up and I cry. Yet others dance. And they should. This is klal Yisroel. We dance amid the tears. We stand strong. We hope and pray that next year we will all be joining this dance with true joy. And in the meantime I will continue to cry and others will continue to dance.

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, May 08 2023, 8:27 pm

When you think about it, what is the whole essence of the day?

A plague that killed tens of thousands of yeshiva boys, good striving growing dedicated students, stopped. After decimating pretty much all of Rabbi Akiva's students, it stopped just short of wiping out all of them. How joyful! Let's dance! Only MOST were killed, but not all! Hurray!

And Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, a tremendous leader of the Jewish people, passed away. What a great simcha! Let us celebrate!

Maybe we should never have been happy on this day?

Or maybe the whole message of the day is to be happy despite it? That the students of Rabbi Akiva would want us to be happy, that Rashbi would want us to be happy (he said so explicitly), and maybe... the kedoshim would also want us to be happy?

Maybe they are happy because while all of their times on earth had come to an end, they were grateful to pass away at such an exalted time and such a holy place? Maybe they are happy because on a yartzeit the neshama is drawn up to a higher level, and perhaps a special yartzeit brings them to an even greater level in Gan Eden? Maybe our singing and dancing and rejoicing helps their neshamos and gives them nachas?

Honestly, I put on music for my kids, we lit a bonfire, we had a barbecue and we danced.

My heart wasn't in it.

But maybe I'll try to put my heart in it for tomorrow...

mom of 8

Mon, May 08 2023, 8:28 pm

I take my kids and still enjoy the music..but while I sing along I daven for their neshamos. And that the karbonos that they were should be enough of a zechus to bring mashiach..and no more tzaar. No one will ever forget m as soon as you hear the music, you think about it.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, May 08 2023, 8:28 pm

I’m in my room listening to the music of a fire outside, the Rebbe of the shul was diagnosed and is going through treatment…

The air is filled with simcha, longing, prayer, emunah, all mixed together…
It’s gut wrenching!

It’s the theme of Klal yisroel

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