Why so much intolerance for others

Ema of 5

Wed, May 31 2023, 3:35 pm

Jewishmom8 wrote:

those are her nephews. not "chasidish kids"
I think that tolerance goes both ways.
if she KNEW they don't approve of smart phones then she is not being tolerant of their preferences and choices.

OP didn’t say WHY she took out her phone. Maybe she needed to make it answer a phone call. Maybe she needed to check something important.
Even if they “don’t approve” of smart phones, it is NOT ok for a Jewish child to call another Jew a derogatory name.

Jewishmom8

Wed, May 31 2023, 3:36 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

She said she was out WITH HER NIECE and her kids, so presumably the niece, their mother, knew. My question is what was the niece/mother’s reaction to OP taking out her phone, but also to what her son said.

got it that adds a layer.
well if those were my kids I would be embarrassed but I really can't stand that people are all surprised that people are annoyed.
you are smarter than that people.

Ema of 5

Wed, May 31 2023, 3:39 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

I don't allow my kids to touch or look at things on a smartphone. And my sister cannot tolerate that. She purposely shows my kids things on her phone and lets them play with it. She thinks I'm abusing my kids....
(But no, my kids do NOT have those awful cards and do NOT talk down at others for having a smartphone. They don't go to such type of schools and I do not allow those cards or such disrespectful talk. I also don't talk against smartphones.)Yet my sister will purposely show them things because she thinks I'm sheltering them too much.

There’s a difference between what your sister does and what OP did, and how your children and the niece’s children would react. You can say this isn’t right for us without being nasty to people who do it. It seems to me that you are raising your kids in the latter way, while OPs niece seems to be raising her kids the former way.

Ema of 5

Wed, May 31 2023, 3:41 pm

Jewishmom8 wrote:

got it that adds a layer.
well if those were my kids I would be embarrassed but I really can't stand that people are all surprised that people are annoyed.
you are smarter than that people.

But you don’t know what the niece said or how she responded. You don’t know if she was annoyed or not. All we know is that one of her kids was nasty to another Jew, just because she was doing something they don’t.

giftedmom

Wed, May 31 2023, 3:49 pm

I think the fact that you’re overall more modern, as well as underlying dynamics, might play a role here.
The frummest kids in my family never said a word to me about my phone. I don’t parade it around in their faces but I don’t hide it either.

amother

Wed, May 31 2023, 4:14 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

She didn't mind and with what her son said she told me that she called the ceder and complained when her son came home learning that litvish arnt real Jews or something like that.

And we were out in a public park, I was taking pics of my kids and using the phone when my dh called. I never showed the kids pics on my phone etc. And I didn't know they were so extreme since they were visiting from a different country. I've seen her kids maybe twice.

giftedmom

Wed, May 31 2023, 4:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

London or Israel? Because I’ve found those to be more extreme on this topic.

giftedmom

Wed, May 31 2023, 4:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

They live in England I'm in Europe

That makes sense. I find Stamford hill to be kind of behind the times a bit, and more sheltered in a way than even the frummest people in NY. There was also the little boy in Antwerp that asked me why my lips are red😂.

amother

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:06 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Not sh. They are from Manchester

Ema of 5

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think you did anything wrong. And I’m happy to hear that your niece complained to the cheder about the choice of words, which obviously didn’t come from her. I’m sorry that not only did you have to experience something so hurtful from a child, but you are also being judged by women here :-(

amother

Starflower

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:07 pm

Jewishmom8 wrote:

first of all calm down.
I do not need to justify or explain my choices to you or to anyone.
I will say however there is a lot more wrong with it besides the internet.
you can think of things yourself.

I agree that there are issues with smartphones but what do you mean by this? Pretty much anything accessible on a smartphone is also accessible on a laptop or computer.. Genuinely trying to understand what you mean here.

amother

Cadetblue

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:12 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

I don't allow my kids to touch or look at things on a smartphone. And my sister cannot tolerate that. She purposely shows my kids things on her phone and lets them play with it. She thinks I'm abusing my kids....
(But no, my kids do NOT have those awful cards and do NOT talk down at others for having a smartphone. They don't go to such type of schools and I do not allow those cards or such disrespectful talk. I also don't talk against smartphones.) Yet my sister will purposely show them things because she thinks I'm sheltering them too much.

This is not appropriate and totally different than OP’s story. Of course parents’ wishes should be respected. OP might have just answered a personal phone call, and the boys reacted strongly based on their chinuch.

I agree that the hyperbole regarding smartphones is too much. You’re well within your right not to own one, but to tell children such negative things about yidden who may own a smartphone (possibly even filtered)? I agree it’s damaging and teaches bad middos.

PinkFridge

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:16 pm

Jewishmom8 wrote:

I would be humiliated to be seen using a smartphone. I think it's really bad for everyone. I hope my kids have a strong reaction to being asked to touch a phone.
there are not a small group of people who feel like I do and its just a fact.
it's not a cheeseburger though and I hope my kids are always respectful especially to older family members like an aunt.
see I respect them I don't get that same tolerance back.
I hope my kids feel the same way. .
you do you but you have to respect other points of view.

The problem is, there are kosher phones that are neutered smartphones and look like smartphones.

amother

Holly

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:16 pm

Jewishmom8 wrote:

I work in medicine. My smartphone is my pager, ability to order for patients, ability to research, do my billing, and more. I brought my phone to TAG because my son’s mesivta requires it, and they said my safeguards are l’chatichila. Should I be ‘humiliated’ that I need to make a living, and this is how it is?

amother

Holly

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:17 pm

Stars wrote:

The cards are terrible. They breed such chutzpah, that even if they were about a topic I agree with, I wouldn’t allow my kids to play with them.

What are these cards?

PinkFridge

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

She didn't mind and with what her son said she told me that she called the ceder and complained when her son came home learning that litvish arnt real Jews or something like that.

.

Hm. The Litvish were there first.

amother

Latte

Wed, May 31 2023, 5:23 pm

Jewishmom8 wrote:

I really am that dumb. Please explain to me.