How to help kids handle my temporary absence?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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Good Friend

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 2:37 am

Without getting into too many details, I'll be traveling with my family to another country for a few weeks and staying by a relative. During that time I'll be going just with my youngest to a sibling's wedding, leaving my kids ages 5-almost 2 with my husband for 5 days. The wedding is very far away, so I really can't make the trip any shorter. Half the time is traveling there and back.
My kids are generally somewhat anxious, so you can imagine that while I'm away from them they'll be extra anxious. In general I'm the parent they come to if they wake up crying at night, if they get hurt, if they're upset, etc. They prefer my husband for fun things when they're calm and happy.

(To make it clear all the flights are booked and we're not planning to cancel any of the plans. I've never left my family overnight besides to give birth, and my husband agreed to handle it on this occasion, so not to go to my sibling's wedding is not what I'm asking to be told)

My question is how can I help prepare my kids for the days that I'll be away, and what tips can I offer my husband to make it easier? I'm picturing the youngest one (besides the baby who will be coming with me) waking up and crying for mommy, etc. What can I do to help them handle this time?

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 2:41 am

Start having him go to them at night now and be more hands on so they are used to it by the time you are away.

amother

Broom

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 2:46 am

DH may need to take a few days off to be super available and present.
Leave activities and food and treats so DH can be super present and not have to figure things out.
Tell them maybe a day or two before that you are going and that you will be back and all the fun things that they will do while you are gone that you left for them. Reinforce that you love the. And are leaving for a special simcha, and will be home soon, and taht just because you are going doesn’t make the simcha more important than them, sometimes you just need to go.
Can they make cards for you to deliver for the simcha? Maybe give them a choice of something for you to pack (like pajamas and they will wear ones you preselected or a shirt- do you all have the same color? ) Be available when they call/call them.

They will be fine

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:24 am

Make a big visual calendar so they can cross the days off
Buy a small gift or book for each night that they can read when they are ready for bed

essie14

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:58 am

Write out a schedule, hour by hour, for what DH needs to do. Prepare a ziploc bag for each child every day with full set of clothes - underwear and socks too - so all DH has to do is pull out a ziploc and dress the child, and not rifle through drawers. If the morning is calm, hopefully your kids will feel less stress.
Are you leaving meals in the freezer? School lunches?
Prepare as much as you can, labeled, for him so he stays calm.

Can DH do bedtime from now until when you leave so the kids get used to him? If your child wakes up in the middle of the night, let DH go to him.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 4:49 am

Can you schedule zoom/whatsapp calls with the kids around their bedtimes so that they can at least see and talk to you at bedtime?

With one of my kids, if they were going to be away at a sleepover or if I had to be away for a couple of days, it helped them to sleep with something of mine (think my pillow or blanket, maybe a piece of my jewelry) so that they felt like I was "there".

Do you think having your kids say "good night" to a picture of you now (at the same time they are doing their bedtime routine with you) would help them get used to the idea that they could do that when you are away too? The picture could stay next to their bed and they could have it near them when they want to think of you.

Also - try not to let the rest of their routine change during this time! If at all possible, they should have the same babysitters, playdates, after school routine, etc. That way they are only dealing with one change at a time. The only thing I would do differently might be more distractions - a favorite aunt or uncle staying over one Shabbos, a Bubby coming by one night for dinner - distractions are great for little kids, and the extra love and attention could help them (and your husband) during a tricky time.

(And yes, the kids will be fine, they"ll adjust, just don't be surprised if they are a bit clingy when you first get back)

SuperWify

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 5:12 am

If your husband will be there the whole time and they know mommy will be coming back very soon, I wouldn’t overthink it. They will be fine. ❤️ Go and enjoy the wedding guilt free without making excuses.

Good Friend

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 9:09 am

Thank you so much! Got lots of great ideas here!

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 9:22 am

Leave them printed pictures of yourself together with them! Helps a lot

amother

Coffee

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 9:26 am

Your sibling is getting married?

mommy3b2c

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 9:34 am

SuperWify wrote:

This. You’re making way to big of a deal of this. Just let them know in advance and tell them you will be coming back so they know what’s going on. They are going to be with their father, not some random man off the streets …

giftedmom

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 9:37 am

They’ll be perfectly fine. Just tell them what is going to happen and for how long and enjoy the wedding. Their father is a safe presence to them.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 10:07 am

Keep kids routine intact. Best you can do is make sure your dh has been well prepared.

Tell them you are going to the wedding and then coming right back home. If its helpful do storytime over video, send pictures to show them going to wedding, at wedding, on way home.

amother

Teal

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 10:13 am

Good Friend wrote:

Thank you so much! Got lots of great ideas here!

Will you be able to FaceTime your kids?

amother

Maize

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 10:56 am

When I did this I left notes and little gifts (stickers, treats, etc., nothing big) for each kid every day. The later notes said things like "have a wonderful shabbos! Just two more days till I see you!" So they had a sense of timing. And bring each kid a nice present so that they have a positive feeling in case you need to do it again.

Good Friend

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:39 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Just to clarify why I'm nervous, like I said we'll be out of town. The reason we're all traveling is because we don't have Jewish schools where we live and my kids are homeschooled. We are taking them to camp so they can gain social skills. So they'll already be off schedule and in a very new experience when this happens. I'm not worried they'll be in any kind of danger, just trying to help make them feel as calm and happy as possible.

But I got lots of ideas that will hopefully help. Thanks all!

Good Friend

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:40 pm

amother Teal wrote:

Will you be able to FaceTime your kids?

Yes, although there will be a significant time difference, so I don't think I'll be able to speak to them at bedtime.

Good Friend

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:40 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

Your sibling is getting married?

Yes

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