DC ignoring me ☹️

amother

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 10:33 am

I know young children go through phases of preferring one parent more than the other, but usually DC is very happy to see me and snuggle and play. Today out of the blue he was ignoring me, not making eye contact, not responding when I would talk to him, and I have no idea why. ☹️ DH says DS loves me and feels connected to me and that a 17 month old kid is not old enough to give someone the silent treatment or be passive aggressively expressing anger (“if he was mad at you, he would scream”). I have no idea what could’ve prompted this, everything was great yesterday and last night before bed, we were cuddling as we normally do.

Maybe all these parental alienation threads are getting to me. I love DS so so much and I try so hard to be a good mom to him.

amother

Wallflower

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 10:36 am

Please don't take it personally! I'm sure you're a good mom! It's a typical toddler phase, don't panic! He still loves you, don't worry!
Was there any significant change in his life lately? Did he start a new sitter or morah?

amother

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 10:46 am

amother Snow wrote:

He's figuring out that he has power over what he pays attention to and what he doesn't. This is developmentally appropriate. Kind of like dropping things off a high chair to see if the law of gravity works every time.

Good to know. I guess he’s learning to filter what stimuli he focuses on more than others

He definitely does enjoy throwing stuff off his high chair as well. 🤔

amother

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 10:47 am

amother Wallflower wrote:

Thank you so much Hug

We did move him to his own room a few days ago but he seems happy with having his own space, and he likes his crib a lot. 🤷🏻‍♀️

amother

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 11:10 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Your toddler is not rejecting you! Just be sure to always offer love when he is open to accepting it.

The best parenting advice for this situation and for most situations: Don't take it personally.

Thank you for this reassurance Hug

amother

Tan

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 11:25 am

I have a 4 year old that ignores me. If it's something important you're saying to him, like an instruction or question, don't let him ignore you. Get down to his eye level, take his face in your hand, or say "Mommy is talking to you, you need to listen". One way or another, make sure he doesn't ignore you on important things.

Not wanting to snuggle is a different matter. For that, relationship building is needed, even if you did nothing wrong and he's doing it arbitrarily.

amother

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 11:42 am

amother Tan wrote:

Thank you for this. I was saying he was very happy to snuggle last night and usually first thing in the morning when he sees me he wants to cuddle and nurse but today DH got to him before I did and then he wasn’t responding when I said my usual good morning etc to him.

amother

Thistle

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 1:31 pm

Children at this age also struggle with changing focus. If he is busy with what he's doing, he may not be interested in changing to focus on you.
One of the things I struggle with in parenting is separating myself from the issue. It's very rare that a child is outright malicious and out to get you. Turning the house into a tornado, it's not they're trying to personally be destructive, they're just exploring and playing. Shouting and generally misbehaving when you're out and about or guests by someone, it's not personal to you, that's kids being kids.
I don't know your background, but I know myself I didn't grow up with great role models and I work really hard on myself to break the cycle and be the best parent I can be for my children. And sometimes as parents, we need to heal from our own childhood, in order to give our children what they need.

amother

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 2:40 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Was he responding normally to dh and only ignoring you? If yes, totally normal. If he was ignoring both of you, not making eye contact or talking, reason for concern.

Yes, he was responding normally and enthusiastically to DH BH.

amother

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 2:45 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

Very true!

It was just jarring that he went from engaging with me normally yesterday to ignoring me this morning—honestly I don’t think it would have bothered me so much if the extremely militant posts (blaming parents for every situation where a child says they were abused) were more toned down. Like I guess I might be catastrophizing that DS responding to DH but ignoring me meant that I did something horribly wrong as a mom c”v.

BH he has been responding to me now that DH went to an appointment.

amother

Tan

Wed, Jul 05 2023, 3:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

It'll be ok. Kids play favorites sometimes. Not everything is the parent's fault.

I'm glad he's back to normal!