Help for violent explosive child

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 8:36 pm

I have a son who is 7 years old. He was always an intense, high-strung hard child. But manageable. This past year his behavior went to the next level where every day I’m literally put to tears and want to tear my hair out from his behavior. He uses violence. Is extremely adamant and defiant and everything is a power struggle. He’s getting into fights with all his friends when he used to have a lot of friends.
We did move in the past year and he experienced a lot of bullying and harassment in our place. I’m really at my wits end what to do and how to go about this. But things can’t go on the way they are because my mental health will soon be affected as almost every day is hell. Anyone have any recommendation for therapy or help for this?? Brooklyn area.

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 8:47 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

The bullying needs to stop. It's clearly destroying him. You may have to switch his school, or something else you wouldn't normally consider. But therapy is just a bandaid as long as he's being actively harassed.

The bullying is from a neighbor and it’s not a healthy situation there. I need professional help to deal with that as well. And I don’t know for sure if the bullying is the cause of all this because right now he isn’t actively being bullied every day. Although it was a crazy situation of bullying that could be leaving after effects till now. I really need professional guidance.

amother

Aster

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 8:59 pm

Has he had a neuropsych evaluation? If there's a biological reason why he's behaving this way that's where to begin. I'd start with that over a general therapist.

Also the Explosive Child is a good book. Not an entire solution but good for you as a supplement to better be able to handle his behavior mentally and emotionally in those situations.

Also, although I don't love how some posters here dismiss all mental health issues to PANDAS, if there was a big change in behavior, it may be good to just check for strep and rule that out while waiting for the eval.

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 9:27 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Where do I get a neuropsych evaluation? Do they base diagnosis only on symptoms?
Will they just medicate him? I did check for PANDAS as he also has an on and off slight tic. But so far he always came back negative…. And yes I went to a PANDAS literate dr.

amother

Latte

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 9:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes but he tested negative 🤷🏻‍♀️

You can’t test negative for pandas, there is no blood test that rules it in or out. It’s diagnosed based on symptoms, and that’s why you need a very experienced dr to make the call. Most pediatricians are unfortunately not familiar enough to diagnose and treat this.

If you want, you can try giving him dye free motrin every 6hrs + Benadryl once a day for 3 days. These 2 meds take down inflammation in the brain. If you see a noticeable improvement in his behavior this way, you’ll know that brain inflammation is a cause.

ETA just saw your previous post about the tic. Honestly that’s another huge red flag. Don’t give up on this. Find another doctor.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 9:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes but he tested negative 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can you explain what you mean when you say he tested negative? I don't believe there's a single test that rules it in or out. A pandas specialist would usually diagnose based on symptoms and use bloodwork as supporting evidence, as far as I know.

Even if the bullying isn't current, he may be triggered every time he sees the bully or the bully's house. Bullying can do serious damage inside. I was bullied as a child. I've worked through it and I'm ok but I still find it to be a wound I would never want to reopen. I would definitely try to get a trauma therapist on the case, maybe one who does sand play and/or emdr.

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 9:43 pm

amother Latte wrote:

Yes when I give Motrin his tic stops and he calms down. I never tried benedryl though. The latest dr I went to is PANDAS literate and he says the levels are not high enough to treat I need to come back and retest is 6 weeks.

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 9:44 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

So what do I do if it’s triggering him? Do I need to move? I am doing play therapy but haven’t seen any improvement.

amother

Latte

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 9:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

He’s not literate enough Sad

Pandas is not treated based on titers.
Can you find another dr?
Beg this one to let you try 30 days of abx?
Would you want to do herbal abx?
Maybe it’s not strep but another infection altogether?
Can you keep him on motrin longer? I would say up to 2 weeks. There are also natural things that work similar to motrin.

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 10:11 pm

amother Latte wrote:

He’s not literate enough Sad

He claims that the strep titers are high but need to be 3 times higher to treat and we will see if the levels went up in 6 weeks of went down….

I will try Motrin for 2 weeks. How often? And it isn’t harmful to give Motrin for so long?

amother

Latte

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 10:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

Like the previous poster said, there really isn’t a number that would or wouldn’t indicate pandas or that treatment is required.

I’ve done motrin every 6 hours for a week or 2 at a time. It’s not ideal, but neither is unchecked brain inflammation. There are natural alternatives you can try but most don’t work as well or as quickly. You’ll need a long term plan for after though…

amother

Crystal

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 10:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

If he is a highly sensitive child he may have been scarred by the bullying. Highly sensitive children take emotional pain deeper and the care givers in child’s life need to address that.
Highly sensitive children can act more angry in self defense because the pain of making mistakes hurts more than the regular child. To much being called out as the bad guy and the child starts acting like it and the anger and hate only intensify.

If not a result of bullying and being highly sensitive he may have ODD which is extremely challenging. You must get support for yourself first and then you will be able to care for him-get in touch with the right professionals to guide you. ODD children have a very specific ‘rule book’ that helps them and it’s not talk therapy.

Hugs and hatzlacha.

For my own son it was a case of being in a very traumatic situation, and not ODD. He calmed down after getting 1-removed from the traumatic situation, 2- direct love, 3- response vs reactions from adults around him, 4- adults around him learning his love language aka how to parent him per se.

ODD is highly genetic, and you may want to look back on the family tree to see if there was an ancestor who was tough, and anti-authoritarian.

amother

Aster

Wed, Jul 12 2023, 10:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can start a new thread posting your location and asking for recommendations for neuropsych eval. Sometimes a school can recommend but you may find it preferable to choose one on your own.

They may recommend medication if that's what he needs but they can't actually medicate him. You/DH would decide. Very rarely is the solution simply medication for a child that age. Even if the recommendation includes medication, usually therapy to teach the missing skills is also recommended. I'm a child whose parents didn't want to medicate because they were too nervous about it, and I suffered a lot. Constantly acting out uncontrollably leads to terrible feedback from people which leads to horrible self esteem and increased anxiety. I don't know enough about your son to even guess, but look at Dr. Russel Barkley on YouTube. He has something called 30 things everyone should know about ADHD geared toward parents, and see if that speaks to you. If you think you or DH have it, it makes it much more likely that your child does.

I've found that magnesium chelate can help a bit to diminish tics, but talk to your doctor about whether that's safe to give to a small child.